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I am about to take a huge leap in m life right now and just need a support group if possible...

The issue is this: I have been in a relationship for TEN years now (no we are not married, nor are there any future plans to be married) My birthday was yesterday and I am now 34 so I've been with this man since I was 24 years old. When I met this man I dated him for 6 months (and this is so nieve, I know) before I found out that he was married with a kid. I then broke it off, (this may or may not be true) but he said his marriage was over for a long time blah blah blah...(I realize what a cliche this is now) but he got a divorse and then was with me. Although he is like 16 years older than I am we have daughters the same age. The have never played together really b/c his ex really talks down on us to her I assume it was years before he even brought her around even though she lives only 5 minutes away. (I really can't blame her feelings but anyway) It just so hapens that on this peticular birthday season and ten years, I feel cheated by his man and onestly there has been underlying resentment for some time. His ex-wife is to this day still on his checking account, although she doesn't use it but it just seems like a oad of crap that he has had her there for the past ten years (although they do not speak) he says its b/c he doesn't want to have to bring her the paperwork to sign to get her off the account, how hard can it really be? Her name is also still on the registration for his truck (which he never really uses anymore but thats beside the point. We share nothing together as far as children, homes, banking accounts etc... I have lived with him the entire relationship minus three years in which I moved out after about seven years b/c I felt like I was getting no where in life with him. He was more persistant to be with me oce I moved out for some reason although I left b/c I virtually felt driven away so we have not had long periods of "seperation" I recently moved back in with him this past July and things were going okay. The point is I am about to make a huge jump and leave tomorow. I ave been under extreame pressure. 1. I just got my daughter back after a very gruling cat and mouse game with my ex husband and in the process of waiting for legal things to be compleated I am having to literally watch over her 24/7 to make sure my evil ex in laws doesnt pull anything and try to pick her up and take her back with them at any given time. 2. My brother who I really think is selfish and imature, I really have as little to do with him as possibly but he broke his leg, lost his job and lost his apartment ( needless to say he was having a hard time) He called me to pick him up to take him to a mission ( this was superboal sunday it was to late for the shelter) I brought him home with me because we had an extra bed so I couldnt see leaving him on a park bench, hungry,hurt and cold. My boyfriend almost went into convusions (he hates my brother and with good reason, I mean my brother has a ot of faults and I am certainly not defending them but I wouldnt even leave a hurt stray dog out if I could help) The next day I took my brother to the emergency because his leg was out of joint ( thats when he got the brace and cruches) Then I took him to see about some assistance while he recovered, he got another job lined up...he did get into the mission (he had to wait a few days but got in yesterday) In the meatime my boyfriend has been in the hospital b/c he got some kind of stomach problems. He was there for three days, I have been there everyday helping him, even though he has really been so condesending and VERY mean to me saying that I care more about my brother than I do about him etc... I was juggleling my daughter, her school,her sports, my brother, my boyfriend and lets not forget about my job. I am emotionally worn down to a frazzle! Yesterday was my birthday (the worse ever) I have been crying for a week b/c of the way my b/f has been treatring me and I was so on edge I locked my keys in my car...I now have zero transportation, I was trying to get my brother out of the house ASAP (took 3 days). So, I call my b/f to see how he is doing and he did what he has beendoing all week, he curses me, tells me off and hangs up on me!!! Then he blames me. I am really confused to think why he wouldnt understand that It was not possible for me to leave my brother on the street. He came home later this morning and he is mopeing around and told me to give him a hug (AFTER 3 OR 4 DAYS, INCLUDING MY BIRTHDAY OF TREATING ME LIKE A COMPLEAE BUCKET OF ****) he expects me to drop down and kiss his feet. I just said no, I just cannot right now. He went balistic started breaking things, kicking things over, shouting and cursing. Then he lays it back at my feet that I am killing him and he is going somewhere to recover and he never even gave me a chance to say a word. He will not take my calls in fact he turned his phone off. I am sure he went to visit his brother and sis-in -law so he can be fussed over but I really dont know where he is. I am hurt that I do not feel this is really my home, I guess. I am hurt that he is jealous of a brother that I have very limited contact with and that he would really expect me to leave him in the street that to bring him to "HIS" home. I have tried to call him all day, I dont even know why I have called him, he has treated me like a erk and then trys to make me feel like the bad guy. Am I confused, am I really the jerk here? I am just so overwhelmed. I have cried an entire week b/c of how mean he has been. I know I cannot take this treatment again ( I have been through this with him before when he goes on pity parties) he wil most likely never see he is wrong and I can take responsibility for my actions t I cannot say I would have done anything different. I am going to try and find an apartment tomorrow. I know I cannot afford much and I may even need to take a second job since I no longer recieve child support which really helped me before when I needed to pay rent. I really dont care anymore what I have to do. I am a mess, my stomach in knots, I feel sick and very burdeed but I cannot sit back and kiss his *** anymore. I am tired. I just heard today that my cousin (same age) remarried and bought a house and is now expecting a child. I am happy for her but I felt a bit jealous. I just want my own family or none at all. I don't even knw if its to late for me or not and I don't care. I'm tired of being this whatever I am to him. Fear holds me back, I cant tand to think of him with someone else yet I cannot stand to be with him myself. I feel numb and exhausted!!! I was just thinking if something were to happen to him, I would be the one grieving and morning him yet the fact is his ex-wife has more clain to his possessions than I do. She and hid daughter would be taken care of but what would I be left with after ten years . Please dont mis understand me I dont care about the anyhing he has but the point I am making is that I am really a BIG zero when it really comes down to it. Im just a women that has hung around feo TEN LONG YEARS!!! Someone please write to me. I know it is 5 A.M. I cannot sleep. I know if I walk out the door I cannot come back I need to make the right decition here.:confused:

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