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Hi Jpaige,

I think people have been very opinionated on this matter, which always helps to make your decisions, but at the end of the day... well its only you that can know. You are the only one that knows 'him'.

I don't agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. Three of my best friends (both male and female) have cheated in the past, and all are now in secure, long-lasting relationships and have truly expressed their regret at having make that choice, even though it all added to their life experience and maturity, at the end of the day. So I wouldn't personally be inclined to think, immediately, that he will do it again. Holding to that resentment when it is not after all deserved, is like dredging up the past every time he does something that makes you feel insecure, whether he intends to or not.

Did you say that he hangs out with his ex when he's not at work? If the only time he has contact with her is at work - well... he's not really doing anything in the wrong there. I work with my ex-boyfriend. Nothing dicey happening there. We are just friends who have had some history together. I wouldn't like it at all if my current bf accused me of still being in love with him or pursuing him secretly or something, seeing as I'm very obviously not. I've never even had to reassure him about it, actually. So the situation CAN work fine.

I have also been in the situation when I was with a man who had a girlfriend. He ended up breaking up with her and we were together for a long while, and he has never cheated since, as far as I've heard. We aren't together now but the time we had together was pretty great. It only ended cos he was moving, and in the end our chemistry wasn't quite the same and we agreed we were better as friends, as we'd both just come out of long term relationships before that. But he proved to be a great guy, despite his indiscrepencies.

Sometimes, when you have a strong connection and the chemistry is a certain way, it can feel very overwhelming. It sounds like you've become very besotted by this guy. I'm sure he has alot of positive qualities - you were his friend first too which supports this. What was your opinion of him when you were just friends? That he is a player? That he is confused? That he is insecure? That he is a womanizer? There can be so many varied reasons for a person's behaviours. Think about these things impartially before jumping to conclusions aswell.

Men definitely get exasperated when hassled, too. Or accused of something theyr'e not doing. I have made this mistake many times before! But I don't regret it, sometimes you really need to lay your feelings out there, cos keeping it all inside doesn't constitute a team effort. It'll only make you feel like he's the enemy. Try approaching the topic from different angles. Did he ever talk to you about what you wrote in the letter?

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