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Usually the biggest indicator of future behavior is past behavior. That may not always be the case because some cheaters do reform their ways.

Does this ex know the two of you are together? Are you 100% certain she is in fact in ex? I say this because you didn't know he even had a girlfriend when you got with him. What makes you think that all of a sudden he is going to be truthful and trustworthy? Your whole beginning was a lie, was it not? Just a few things to think about.

Just curious, how long ago did he "break up" with this ex and how long have the two of you been together?
Okay here is the deal.........I feel like I need to tell a little background. When we first met He said he had a girlfriend. So nothing happened. We were friends for about 2 years before anything romantic happened. We talked but I was adament about him being honest with his GF and himself about what he truly wanted. In fact over those two years there were many times I would avoid him such as not answering his calls or texts or seeing him because I DID NOT want to be the reason he and his GF didn't work. I didn't want him to use me as the excuse. I told him that he needed to figure it out on his own. Anyway, He was decietful because he told me they had broken up when in fact they hadn't at all. This is when we got "involved". Because he said they weren't together anymore. I then found out that they were on again off again for a whole year we dated also. Yes he was sleeping with us both. When I found out that he was still with her I called her and we confronted him together. She was also sleeping with someone other thatn him also. Geez Sounds like Jerry Springer, but anyway. I went away for a year and had no contact with him. My heart was broken. Not only had I lost my lover , I lost a friend. So fast forward, A year has past, I have come back and they are over. She actually told me they were through. He apologizes for everything tells me he hasn't stopped thinking about me and that he has loved me from the very begining and he was a fool to let me go. Now of course being the hopless romantic that I am I fall hook line and sinker.
We are now currently living together and have been for a little over a year. I guess I am just not sure he is over her.
Hi Jpaige,

I think people have been very opinionated on this matter, which always helps to make your decisions, but at the end of the day... well its only you that can know. You are the only one that knows 'him'.

I don't agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. Three of my best friends (both male and female) have cheated in the past, and all are now in secure, long-lasting relationships and have truly expressed their regret at having make that choice, even though it all added to their life experience and maturity, at the end of the day. So I wouldn't personally be inclined to think, immediately, that he will do it again. Holding to that resentment when it is not after all deserved, is like dredging up the past every time he does something that makes you feel insecure, whether he intends to or not.

Did you say that he hangs out with his ex when he's not at work? If the only time he has contact with her is at work - well... he's not really doing anything in the wrong there. I work with my ex-boyfriend. Nothing dicey happening there. We are just friends who have had some history together. I wouldn't like it at all if my current bf accused me of still being in love with him or pursuing him secretly or something, seeing as I'm very obviously not. I've never even had to reassure him about it, actually. So the situation CAN work fine.

I have also been in the situation when I was with a man who had a girlfriend. He ended up breaking up with her and we were together for a long while, and he has never cheated since, as far as I've heard. We aren't together now but the time we had together was pretty great. It only ended cos he was moving, and in the end our chemistry wasn't quite the same and we agreed we were better as friends, as we'd both just come out of long term relationships before that. But he proved to be a great guy, despite his indiscrepencies.

Sometimes, when you have a strong connection and the chemistry is a certain way, it can feel very overwhelming. It sounds like you've become very besotted by this guy. I'm sure he has alot of positive qualities - you were his friend first too which supports this. What was your opinion of him when you were just friends? That he is a player? That he is confused? That he is insecure? That he is a womanizer? There can be so many varied reasons for a person's behaviours. Think about these things impartially before jumping to conclusions aswell.

Men definitely get exasperated when hassled, too. Or accused of something theyr'e not doing. I have made this mistake many times before! But I don't regret it, sometimes you really need to lay your feelings out there, cos keeping it all inside doesn't constitute a team effort. It'll only make you feel like he's the enemy. Try approaching the topic from different angles. Did he ever talk to you about what you wrote in the letter?
I guess that my hopless romantic self keeps hoping that the man i fell so deeply in love with will come back. I have had conversations with him in the past few days and honestly don't even think he is cheating at the prestnt. I just think he has totally checked out. i've spoken to his friends to see if they can give me some insight. They all swear that he's not cheating he's just stressed from work and such. I do know that work has been giving him a major fit the past month or so. I know it's bad but when a 34 year old man doesn't wish to have sex with his girlfriend, There is only one thing that goes through my mind. He's getting it elsewhere. My head has been telling me for some time now to cut my losses and leave him but my heart keeps me here.:confused:





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