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Relationship Health Message Board

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Feb 14, 2008
Hello. I am ready for any advice. Any thoughts would be much appriciated.

I am here because I am at my wit's end. I am 21 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. We surely have had our ups and downs, but all in all it has been wonderful and we are both very happy.

I am a nursing student, with one year left to go (whooo). He is a business major with one year left to go as well. We are both A-B students. Each of us live at home with our parents and work part time to cover school/car/etc expenses.

The issue comes into play with his family. I would never speak badly about them and I have always gotten along wonderfully with them and considered them like a second mom and dad to me up until this passed September. The issue really isn't so much his parents as it is his 17 y/o sister.

Words cannot describe her. She has physically and verbally abused both parents. For as long as I have known the family (since 2001), she has been queen of the house, dictating everything. I really can't put into words how this house hold runs around her. The names and phrases I have heard her scream at her parents any my boyfriend and his brother are disgusting.

My boyfriend agrees with me that his parents have put blinders on and just have gotten lazy and do not care to do anything about it. They say "it is normal teenage behavior". From all my psychology courses, I would say she is bi-polar and needs serious anger management classes.

The issue involving me started back in May when I left my purse at their house because my boyfriend and I went to a concert. When I returned, my birth control pills as well as $20 was missing. His sister and parents were the only ones in the house.

We spoke to his parents and they shrugged it off saying she claimed she did not take it. It was then dropped and never talked about again.

Then come September, my boyfriend and I were watching a football game on tv and he asked for her to be quiet so we could hear and she replied "whatever. watch with your stupid *****y girlfriend". It was at this point that I asked if I could talk to her and what did I do to her to make her angry with me.

She lost her temper, screaming at the top of her lungs, calling me every name in the book, telling me I am weird, I don't belong in the family, she has no idea why her brother ever liked me, and how I have never had anything to do with her. (I did do her hair for cheerleading competitions, I did her hair for a Christmas dance, I have gotten her bday cards and Christmas gifts, and I have driven her to stores). I walked away telling her that I don't deserve to be disrepsected like that.

We spoke to his parents and their response was that this was "my problem with his sister" and they are staying out of it. When I asked them about my stuff being stolen, they responded "she says she didn't do it so we can't do anything about that". I went to the police station in my town asking if there was anything I could do to get his parents help since they are so blind to the abuse in the household and I was told there is nothing to do since she is only 18 and the parents will not agree to any help for her.

Since that night, I have not gone over their house. (I used to go over 2-3x's a week). My boyfriend and I only hang out at my house or go out now. When his aunts/uncles have a party, he says his mom will ask where I am like if she has no idea why I have distanced myself. When he tells her she says "she just doesn't understand, she didn't do anything to me".

I feel betrayed by a family that I was so close with for 5 years. They treated me as their own daughter. My boyfriend and I have tried several times to talk to them about how we feel and their response is always the same "it isn't their disagreement to get involved in".

My QUESTION is: Can I continue a relationship in hopes of one day getting married and having a family with the man I love when there has been so much turmoil with his family and I?

I've considered taking myself to counceling just because it stresses me out and I don't know what else to do, but then I think...the only answer I have to solve this at this point is to not be with my boyfriend. How do I leave the one I love when he has done nothing wrong to me and has done everything to support us in this terrible situation?

I am done with his family. As much as I tell myself "Oh, whatever. It will be ok..." it is not ok. It is always going to be his family. They will always be in his life. And if they do not see a problem with his sister or her behavior now, or for the last 6 years for that matter, they will not change.

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