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I need to start with some backstory. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and two months. The problems we had were last May, exclusively. Since then, he's been the greatest boyfriend ever. I just can't get over certain things and I bring them up, during pretty much every fight we have. I need to stop that, I know. Help me figure out ways to get over this, please? So...

Okay, he works at a bar. He's the manager and last May they hired a fitness model as a bartender. All the guy workers there thought she was HOT. She did have a very nice body, but her face wasn't super pretty. That could be sour grapes, but whatever. Anyway, for some reason she liked MY boyfriend. I'd go visit him at work and she'd flirt with him constantly. She told him, in front of me (!!!) that she was going to stalk him! He'd flirt back too, in front of me. Then she started sending me messages online, telling me how great a guy he was. She was going through a really bad break-up at the time and he "really helped out her self esteem." I wanted to kill her! And him. When I told him that she was trying to break us up (which she much later admitted to him), he told me that she wasn't that kind of girl and they were just friends. I hated the fact that he defended her, when she was ruining our budding relationship! I told him, repeatedly, how much it hurt me that he flirted with her. It hurt me that they talked online. She totally manipulated him, and he fell for it, like a lot of dumb guys do. He didn't realize that her talking about her boobs, and how they were "too big" just was a way to get him to think about her boobs!! He thought she was really complaining about a physical ailment. Yeah right!! I am 100% confident that they were never physical, but I wonder if he WANTED to be.

I think he really just liked the fact that she liked him, when everyone wanted her. Everyone likes to be liked, right? I talked to him over and over again, and only after about a month of this, did he realize I was right. He didn't want to loose me and realized he'd been treating me horribly. Since then, we have gotten past that episode (sorta) and he's really changed his ways....

here's my problem:

I can't get over it. Every time he talks to a girl, I accuse him of flirting because I'm still upset about the thing with the bartender. Whenever we fight, I throw up the fact that he never cheated on me, but probably WANTED to. I say stuff about how I'm not blond with big boobs and a super fit body, and how he'd probably love me more if I was.... like the bartender was. I know he loves me. I know he's attracted to me, but it's hard for me to NOT compare myself to her when she is my exact opposite. I'm brunette, and I have smallish boobs and a small frame. I'm thin and athletic, but not super toned. I also cannot get over the fact that he almost ruined our relationship over a flirtation. I know it's irrational! I know I have to get over it to continue this relationship. I love him and I know he's "the one" but I just hate to think about him lusting after someone other than me.

How can I get past this? How can I regain my self-confidence? I've always realized that people are attracted to many different types of people, but I've never been in a situation where my S.O. is so attracted to someone who is so different than me. I mean, if he hadn't told me EVERYTHING about her, then I wouldn't have known. He says he wanted to be honest with me and tell me everything, but he didn't have to tell me he thought another girl was super hot.

He just put in his two weeks notice at the bar. He's moving on to a good new job. I just want to forget that episode and move forward. How can I?

Sorry for such a long post.... please help!





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