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A girl (age 30) I was dating went on a cruise decided to have sex with a random guy and dumps me thinking she met someone else. A month later, she realizes she got genital herpes from the guy. Another month later, she tries to get back with me. Although I still had feelings for her at the time, I just could not take her back knowing that she cheated on me and then got herpes. Can anyone think of a reason why you could take someone back that did this to you? I'm just curious on your thoughts. I can't seem to find a way to forgive and forget. I see her occasionally because she lives in my complex. She realizes what a mistake she made. It's so unfortunate because I really love her.
well. i'd never get back with a cheater. and i'd never be with anyone who had herpes. So, maybe I'm the wrong person to give advice here.

There's a few things I think you should ask yourself:

If she loved you like you love her, do you honestly think she would have made such a "mistake" on a cruise?

Could you ever trust her again after this? Or will you always wonder, anytime she goes anywhere without you, if she is with another guy?

Can you honestly deal with having a partner with herpes? Knowing that, even if you are very,very careful, there is always a chance you will get it too? And that, if you end up having children with her, that there can be serious complications due to this?

On the plus side, at least she fessed up and didn't just jump back in bed with you and pass the herpes on to you too...
If you havent' already gotten checked, you should really get a full STD panel done and just check for everything. I think that needs to be your first priority. You don't know if this was just a one-time thing or if she's been with other guys. I think that once you have your own health situation in control, you can focus on other stuff.

Having said that, I think it's just a question of common sense. Do you really want to even consider putting yourself in a position to be with someone who you know for sure has herpes? I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would voluntarily do that in this situation.

Are you actually considering getting back together with her? I mean, as the previous poster said, getting back together with a cheater is bad enough, but getting with someone who not only cheated but caught a permanent STD, that's just insanity. It's not even sane. I hope you're not asking this question because you want to get back with her. That would be the worst mistake you could possibly make. And I think you probably know that. So, just consider the dire consequences, and make your decision.
What exactly was your relationship when she went on the cruise? Were you just dating a couple of months or were you talking about moving in and getting engaged? In the case of the former, I wouldn't call it cheating, she is just a single gal having a fling on a cruise. (heck I did that in my younger day). If your relationship was more on the direction of serious commitment, then I'd say she cheated.

If you think you love/have feelings for her, date for a while and see what happens. Avoid risky sex until you know for sure that she is worth it. The herpes is secondary, not life threatening and unimportant in a committed relationship.

In her favor, she was honest with you about the affair and herpes. I'm sure she learned a hard lesson and is not about to cheat again.
dude do you really need to ask this question?
she's afraid no one else will want her with herpes and you're her safety net......I hope she hasn't infected you.
ABSOLUTELY do NOT give this girl a second chance, she doesn't deserve anything except to be booted out of your life.
why would you even consider it? so she can give you herpes?:angel:
It's not even the fact that she slept with some random guy (which is still pretty bad mind you). It's the fact that she put YOUR health at risk for her selfish desire to sleep with someone else. THAT is what I find so unforgivable. What if she contracted HIV? She would have no way of even knowing that for sure yet.

You really need to think about what rosequartz is saying here because (as usual) she makes perfect sense here. She is scared that nobody else will want her so she is desparately trying to get you back. I'm sure if she put the other shoe on her foot she would NEVER take someone back who did what she did.

I understand that you love her. Feelings don't turn off like a lightswitch. But you need to be with a woman that you can trust and lets face it, she is not it. If you did give her a second chance (which I think is NOT a good idea) you will always second guess her and that is no way to live. You deserve better and you know it. Don't settle for a woman who would risk your relationship and your health to jump in the sack with some random guy.
Excellent replies! Thank you all. No way in hell will I take her back. I just wanted to see what others had to say. Thanks again.:)
[I]"Can anyone think of a reason why you could take someone back that did this to you?"[/I]

Some reasons that some people give cheaters a second chances are because they love them and think they're worth working through it, they're dumb and blinded by emotions, they're rather be with anyone then be single.

Everyone situation is different. I believe there are the rare occasions where a person can make a big mistake and learn from it and never repeat that mistake again.... and there are people that are just selfish and will always only want what they can get and repeatedly cheat.

It really depends, I think, if you believe the person when they beg and plead for your forgiveness.. and it depends on if you think they're worth all the stress, and heartache that will come with continuing a relationship with that person. Bottom line.. you will mostly never trust them again... and the real question is, [B]can you honestly have a valuable relationship without trust?[/B]

I think in this case... you need to let her go. It might be different if she just made out with some guy... but she had sex with him, and now has an STD.. which is just one of the consequences that came from her actions.

How long were you two dating? If it was a short while, then I say just walk away. If it was a signifcant relationship, then you need to ask yourself if you can look at her everyday and not see what she did. If you can't... the move on.
[QUOTE=jen52983;3457902][I]"Can anyone think of a reason why you could take someone back that did this to you?"[/I]

Some reasons that some people give cheaters a second chances are because they love them and think they're worth working through it, they're dumb and blinded by emotions, they're rather be with anyone then be single.

Everyone situation is different. I believe there are the rare occasions where a person can make a big mistake and learn from it and never repeat that mistake again.... and there are people that are just selfish and will always only want what they can get and repeatedly cheat.

It really depends, I think, if you believe the person when they beg and plead for your forgiveness.. and it depends on if you think they're worth all the stress, and heartache that will come with continuing a relationship with that person. Bottom line.. you will mostly never trust them again... and the real question is, [B]can you honestly have a valuable relationship without trust?[/B]

I think in this case... you need to let her go. It might be different if she just made out with some guy... but she had sex with him, and now has an STD.. which is just one of the consequences that came from her actions.

How long were you two dating? If it was a short while, then I say just walk away. If it was a signifcant relationship, then you need to ask yourself if you can look at her everyday and not see what she did. If you can't... the move on.[/QUOTE]
Thank you very much. To answer your question, we only dated for just under 2 months. In that two months, we were together every day because we were neighbors. That's probably one of the hardest things about this is that I have to see her occasionally when we run into each other in the complex, otherwise, I would be done. Thanks again for your honesty and you are absolutely right.
One thing that will help make the healing process a bit easier is reminding yourself that she did you wrong. I used to find myself missing a guy who dumbed me.. then I'd suddenly ask myself.. "why do I miss someone who didn't care about me?" They should be the one missing you. They're the one that did a terrible thing.. and eventhough you're hurt by it, you're the "better" one. I don't know how to properly say what I'm trying to get across.. I'm sorry.

If you see her across the way and your first thought is "wow, i miss her" you need to quickly replace it with "there is the girl that disrepsected and doesn't deserve my forgiveness." It may sound harsh.. but I dont think it is.

Also, this may come across mean b/c i know there are people out there who have STDs and are good people.... but reminding yourself that she has herpes should give you another reason why you need to move on. Honestly, is she worth putting yourself at risk?

Getting over someone isnt always as easy as it sometimes should be.. just remind youself that you deserve better.
I'm sorry for that. But if she did you like that I would not give her another chance. If she had really cared enough about you she would have thought about it before she ever cheated.
I agree with Justin…and she’s got herpes man, enough said!! Sorry for all who may be infected but, come on man, love yourself and keep yourself healthy!
hey,

i dated my neighbor for 2 months also. it is awkward for sure but i make it my business not to run into him if possible. He hurt me....I still thin about it alot but I am kind of past it now. If you can avoid her when possible then do so...it is possible, I am doing it and haven't seen him since Jan. 2nd.

I would never take her back, ever. She did you wrong. Move on...you're too good for this crap. She learned and lesson...a very hard one at that. She is going to have a hard time meeting someone who is going to put their health at risk. She better be honest with them....she really must.

Good luck to you and keep yourself healthy as someone here said.





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