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Relationship Health Message Board

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I tend to get a bit down during the first months of the new year. Truth is it has been happening the last 3 years, mostly of the idea of turning 30, still single, not going out as much, seeing my friends get married and not me, and, that I have mild cerebral palsy.

Well very mild indeed, not obvious to the naked eye, but my lips move a bit more than others when I talk, and that I tense up when i'm nervous in front of others (example, i can't carry a full glass - i will tense and spill it (that kind of nervous tensing.)

I work with my family, its seasonal business which requires 12 hour days pretty much April - November... we're off untli early march, and because we get so tired, those few months off are well appreciated.

However, I don't have anything going for me in my personal life. I have one friend that i get together with, maybe once a month, if that. She has her own problems too, which sometimes make mine small in comparrison. And they other 2 friends I have are married, with small chlidren. Even before the kids, it was tough getting them to go out- they always wanted a couples-theme going, and being that I don/'t have anyone we never got together.

I have tried online dating, and due to my fears of rejection and just the act itself in general, I have met with two guys. The first actually liked me - but I did notice that he did not seem to have a direction in life, he did not seem interested in the future (marriage, kids etc), and seemed very shy and a loner in a way. I did not want to further anything with him as a result, plus I find it difficult to be in a relationship when I see a man with low turns me off I feel that I have my own issues to deal with and it would be too tiring for me to help with his issues of low self esteem, I suffer something similar.

Then, I met someone a year later, just yesterday actually, and I did not tell him about my speech problem, or anything, but I felt that he didn't like me...we spoke for 45 minutes at a cafe. I didn't feel anything for him either, to be honest, but felt terrible once again that I did not make a conntection. Needless to say he hasn't tried to contact me at all. But he did not come off to be my type, however, I still feel bad he rejected me.

So, here I am, still single. I think that my anxiety has caused me to feel fatigued. At times I just dont have the energy to do anything. I love painting and want to paint now with my time off, but I dont have the desire.

I'm just so tired of being single and dependant. How can I turrn my life around? I'm making an effort to lear to drive but i'm just so scared of having an accident. it has turned me off already.

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