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This is going to be long and I apologize. I really need some advice on what to do.

I am 27 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We split for a one year period in that time. We have a 3 year old son who is the light of both of our lives. We decided to get back together this past summer because we knew we still loved and cared for each other deeply and it would be great to have our “family” for all of our sakes.

There were a few reasons why we split. Mike was not helping with our son at all and it made me resent him. We left being new parents and financial issues come between us and I needed to get away. I felt like I had two children. He would work late because he didn’t want to be home and we really just needed a break. In that time we both dated other people but still remained very friendly. Mike became the father that he needed to be and realized how hard parenthood really was. He eventually began the quest to get me back. It was many phone calls and what I considered harassment at the time because I just wasn’t ready.

In that time he became very close with one of his ex girlfriends from high school, who we would see once in a blue moon previously. They have known each other for 10 years but have never been very close…they were just casual friends in passing. I had always gotten along well with her, we’ll call her “D”. We would all get together on a Friday night and have a good time. In March of 2007, almost a year ago, she and Mike thought they had “romantic feelings” for one another again. Now D does have a boyfriend and a child with him, but they are not a happy couple!! They slept together once, both admitting that it was a big mistake and what they thought were romantic feelings was nothing more than a close friendship. They both now refer to each other as best friends. The two of them talk on the phone probably twice a week and we all get together on the weekends, either for a night out or a day with the kids. D’s boyfriend NEVER comes with us so it’s usually just the 3 of us. They are not uncomfortable around each other at all. Mike does show me affection in front of her and she seems fine with that. D has been nothing but patient with me in my insecurities and we get along ok most of the time.

What do you all feel about this? Is it too much contact for just friends of the opposite sex? Where do you draw the line? How much phone time is too much or unacceptable? I don’t have a problem with having friends of the opposite sex. But they were together at one point for a two year relationship when they were teenagers. They slept together and almost decided to try again at a relationship but decided they were better as friends. Now Mike has told me he could never trust her…he will never leave me for her and that it’s me he loves and wants to be with. But he won’t give up that friendship for me or “restrict” it….he won’t give up any friendship for any relationship. He has agreed to not spending any alone time with her…but we got in a huge fight the other night because he made plans for us all to go out and I started vomiting and couldn’t go out. He wanted me to let him go with her because he already had the plans and would feel bad breaking them.

I know this is long…but I want to know if this is worth it. He tells me he loves me all the time…but me trying to put restrictions on when he can talk to his friends makes him resent me. Our family means the world to both of us and we both want it to work but we have different relationship values. My trust issues are getting better, but would I be too easy on him if I let him have this Best friend? He is really trying to make me feel comfortable with the situation. He always includes me in their plans. I don’t hear they phone conversations because he has an hour drive home from work and that’s when they talk. Every other aspect of our relationship has been fine. We are doing great with our son, who is happier than ever now that we are all together, we have a great sex life and you can tell we both do really love each other. I really want to do this…not only for me but for our three year old, I hate the thought of having a broken family, especially when we all do love each other.

Any opinions?

Thanks so much for reading,
Nikki





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