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Hi all,

I've been scanning these boards from time to time and decided to post, after using a search engine and searching on here wasn't really helping me out. My problem is that I've been uncertain of my feelings for my boyfriend as of lately, say, the past month or so.

A little back story...
We had been together for a few years, generally very happy, but I had a very, very, bad anger problem. I tended to lash out on him for things he had "done." I put done in quotations because he never actually did anything bad to me, ever. He treated me like a queen, and I often treated him like a dog for now reason. Obviously, things began to go down hill, and naive little me at the time couldn't understand it. Who would really want to be with someone that yelled at them all the time and told them degrading things? After feeling the pressure all around him, me not changing my nasty ways, and people close to him saying he shouldn't be with me to make himself happy. If I was being treated like that, I'm sure people would be saying the same things to mean. In the end he did break up with me. Of course, still naive and very much in love, I was devastated, but I managed to push myself along. I cried on and off, but kept myself occupied with work and friends. I never stopped thinking about him. We began talking on and off via the internet. I also tried dating another guy for a couple months or so. It didn't work out. I wasn't into him at all. Summer comes around still talking to my ex on and off until one day he says he wants to talk. He's noticed changes in me, I've noticed changes in him. We go for a drive and he confesses that he's still in love with me, that he was in the wrong the whole time. He apologized saying that he wouldn't even expect me to completely forgive him. I of course, still loving him did not know what to do. I decided that I would go on a date with him to see how it felt. It was very natural, almost as if we had never been apart. However, after about a week, I was still very unsure of what to do. Wanting to protect my heart I told him that pursuing anything further may not be a good idea. This hurt me, but I was sure I would feel better, to some extent within a week or two. However, instead of feeling better, I only began to feel worse and worse. I contacted him again and make the decision to start seeing him platonicly. This made me very happy. Though he wanted to be in a relationship because he had been thinking about this reconciliation for months, he respected my wishes knowing that it was only recent news to me.
We've been back together in a relationship now for about six months. We no longer have the same issues we had before (I'm not angry, or controlling and hes not resenting me for anything) We talk about any issues (which is mainly my feelings about the relationship, from time to time).
However, recently, as I mentioned before, I've been having mixed feelings toward him. One minute I'm completely in love with him and the next I'm not sure why I am with him. We're about an hour apart the majority of the time, seeing each other every two to three weeks on weekends. I am wondering if this distance has anything to do with it. We talk every day but usually only via the internet or text messaging. Maybe talking on the phone more would help. I'm just so confused.
When we weren't together I was seriously content with being single (not at all doubting that I could find a boyfriend if I really wanted to) for the rest of my life. It was being with him that made me want to be married and have a family.
I am also wondering if the judgments people passed on him for breaking up with me are still in my head an effecting me. If have within the past couple months cleared the air with family and friends who assured me they did like him, they just didn't like how he hurt me, and if I was happy, they were happy.
I am just so confused. Any responses are very welcome, and i apologize for the length.





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