It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Ok, my husband has taken me out twice this week, this is very unusual for him to do, now I know why...... Last night, he proceeds to tell me after two maggies, that he has planned a trip with his buddies and is leaving in 9 days for 5 days. AND then proceeds to say that if he cancels it will cost 500 bucks. I'm blown away with this... By the way, he takes at least 4 trips a year with his guy friends and or fishing buddies...[U] [U]Am I being to sensitive [/U][/U]on this, or do I have the right to be very very upset to say the least.........
he doesn't have much respect for you to make plans and then inform you of them later......I guess he figures it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission......why do you tolerate it? what would happen if you made vacation plans with friends and dropped the bomb on him like he does you?
Oh I know, he gets very upset when I tell him the day before my daughter and her husband and my Grandbaby come to the house for whatever reasons. OR I foget to say something to him about babysitting my Grandbaby for a night, he gets very upset.. So yeah, can't even compare... You are right though, it must of been easier for him to ask for forgivenss than permission. Hmmmm very interesting. Still don't know what to do, he said last night fine, I'll pay the 500 dollars and not go. I'm not sure what to do on that one... I hate to say this, but I wonder what DR.. Laura would say on this one..... I'm too afraid to call her..... heheheheheee
My ex bf did that to me once. I had picked him up at work to take him out for a nice lunch on my day off, and we were having a really nice time... everything was great! But then after the check came (and I paid), he said, "By the way, I'm going camping this weekend." I was like, huh? He just totally sprung it on me and didn't even ask if I'd like to go! And then I said, Well, did you think that maybe I'd like to go? And he said, well you're not invited! I was like, what?!?! And then I came to find out several months after we had broken up that he actually hooked up with some skanky girl he met there and cheated on me, so now I know why he didn't want me going with him. :rolleyes:

Anyway, I'd read him the riot act if I were you. Don't let him get away with it! That's just bs, for him to just spring it on you like that. I hate it when people do that, it's very inconsiderate and rude! Just give him hell and make sure he knows how upset you are about it!!
I think he made non refundable plans before telling you because he's most likely up to something he doesn't want you knowing about or being a part of. It was sneaky, and people don't sneak around when they have nothing to hide. He would have told you about the plans when he was making them if he didn't have anything against you knowing about it and wanted it all to be aboveboard. Sounds very fishy to me. And you say he takes many trips like this, four or so, a year? I hate to say it, but it sort of sounds like he doesn't like being married.
I don't see a problem with him going on a trip with his friends.. but I do see a problem with him not telling you about it until after it was already planned. It's something a child would do.. do it before getting permission from their parent, so it's too late and they can't say no. Not that he needs your permission.. but he definitely should have let you know what was going on before anything was ever arranged and paid for.

If he's already canceled the trip, then he's probably resenting you a bit right now.

You said he travels about 4 times a year. Does that bother you, or seem excessive?? If you do, then I'd say that comes across as needy and is probably why he didn't tell you about it this time around (not that it makes it ok.) Tell him you don't mind him going on trips with his friends, as long as you know what's happening before hand.. and that it would be nice once in a while if you and him were able to travel like he does with his buddies.
Obviously it's not the issue of him having "man time" since he goes on trips a few times a year with them. I think the way he handled it (paying for a nonrefundable trip and THEN telling you about it) is inexcusable and sneaky. How would he feel if you did that to him?

I think you need to talk to him about WHY he decided to pay for the trip and then tell you about it? Why did he not just come to you in the first place and tell you? Do you often give him a hard time when he goes on trips? If so then perhaps he just didn't want to hear it (not that I'm excusing his behavior by any means). If you don't give him a hard time then my gut would tell me there is more to this. Maybe I'm cynical, but when a person acts out of character there is a reason for it.

Please talk to him as calmly as possible. Of course I know that is much easier said than done.
[QUOTE=happymom28;3474282]Maybe I'm cynical, but when a person acts out of character there is a reason for it.

Please talk to him as calmly as possible. Of course I know that is much easier said than done.[/QUOTE]


No, I don't think you're being cynical at all, unfortunately.


"He just totally sprung it on me and didn't even ask if I'd like to go! And then I said, Well, did you think that maybe I'd like to go? And he said, well you're not invited! I was like, what?!?! And then I came to find out several months after we had broken up that he actually hooked up with some skanky girl he met there and cheated on me, so now I know why he didn't want me going with him."

That's what we're up against. To my mind, there's no such thing as being too cynical when this is what we have to deal with.
I don't think guys trips are a big deal, however, do you also get to go on girls trips? Or is this all one sided? you used and interesting term, said maybe he did this so he wouldn't have to " ask permission to go"...hmm, neither one of you should have to ask permission to do something I mean you aren't his mom and he isnt' your dad...as far as him not asking you if you want to come, not seeing the big deal, I'm going on a girls trip next month to a ski resort, and no, my husband isn't invited, it's a girl trip, no kids, no spouses allowed! I think as long as you get to do your own things and also spent time together, this isnt' a big deal at all. The way he did it was a tad rude, but again, maybe he didn't want to be treated like a child having to " ask permission"...just a different point of view.... also have to disagree with larryloumom that he must be up to no good or not want to be married, 4 trips a year isn't much, I do between 2 and 4 girls trips a year, usually for about 4 days...I love being married, and love my kids and am crazy about my husband, but I love my girl time too!
Thanks for the input.. I needed that! To answer your question or questions, no, I don't go on girl trips, but should.
I have to let go of worring that my man won't let the house burn down and or animals and kids all starve when I'm gone.
I don't expect him to ask me to go, I would not want to go anyway. It's the way he did it that upset me the most, but............ I do nag a lot when he goes on these trips, so that is probably why he was afraid to let me know along time ago when he made the plans.... I do take responsibillity on my part, and need to work on it and not nag.. I don't want to push my man away..... So thanks everyone for the reply's it helps a lot!!!
You have to remember that he is a grown up...he can take care of himself, you shouldn't not go away on your own trips becuase you think he can't handle things, of course he can, what did he do before he met you? Or what would he do if something happened to you. Men are just as capable as us, they don't need to be taken care of, or babied...I can see why you are a bit annoyed since you don't get to go away, but only you can change that...you have a right to have some fun to, so if I were you, I would start thinking about your own needs, and not only the needs of your family and husband...you matter...
I'm assuming you share the finances, so I find it incredibly insensitive of him to spend that much money on a non-refundable trip without even consulting you. You're supposed to be a team. I also think the way that he presented the situation was very inconsiderate of your feelings. The trip in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing, but all of his actions surrounding it were a bit selfish. If I were you I would try to have a discussion, at least regarding the financial aspect. That is just really poor form on his end.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:26 AM.





© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!