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Really Confused
Mar 12, 2008
:(:( Let me start by saying that this is long but in order for anyone to understand then I have to explain the whole thing, so, sorry from the start.
Me and my husband has been together going on 12 years, we have 4 you kids. He is a great supporter, works hard and to most seems to be a great guy, the kind that would give you the shirt off his back. But none of them are married to him. He is all those things but lacks in the husband and fatherly part. He thinks as long as he is bringing home the money then that is enough out of him at home.
I have always been lets say able to deal with this in him in one way or another, kind of making excuses for him, untill about 3 years ago when my father passed away, I had a real hard time dealing with it and although he was aware of my emotional breakdown i will say he really did nothing to support me and what I was going thru, If it were not for my kids then, well dont know where I would be right now. Well not healed but moved on from that time learning to deal alone, 2 years later, witch was about a year ago, another very emotional thing happened, ( his oldest child "13" from a previous relationship raped my great neice who was only three ) So we obviously see things very different on how to handle this, yes the boy is in jail for a long time,and I think he got a rather lite punishment for the crime, but my neice needs a lot of help and support, my husband of course sees it completly different and that I just don't care about his child.
So to live our life with our kids we just dont talk about it at all and have delt with this in our own way seperatly.
Now the problem of why I am here. Over the course of this past year and everything compounding and I have to say that I felt like I was going crazy. Me and my husband have grown apart, ofcourse. This time in our lives together has been the worst of all our years, we have both said and done things that we regret.
But with all that has happened through all this year over the past month we have finally come to a place where we can finally stand together agian, and it has been wonderful.
Now in the midst of our troubles I found kind of a confident in a friend of ours who just so happens to be single, Ok, with the exception of him and I kissing once before this last year thier has been nothing between him and I, but during this last year I have grown close to him, my kids love him, he is wonderful with them, kind of how I wish my husband would be with them.
And somewhere in all this I think I fell in love with him. Now I can not say the same for him, I think he became scared of hurting his friend, my husband if he were to find out so out fo respact for me and my marriage several months ago we quit talking, we would only see each other for get togethers and that was only when he would showup.
Now I am lost, I miss him, my friend, but also I feel like we or I am missing what could have been.
I can not say I would have left my husband for him, nor could I have had a full blown affair, but I can say that if he had found out about how close me and this other had become and left me, I dont think I would have been heart broken.
Could it be that the love is nolonger thier or that I never loved to begin with? Could I be in love with this other guy?
I am just so confused, any advice would be welcomed.
Let me also say I am not a bad person, my family has always been #1 for me, that is why I am having such a hard time with this...





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