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Relationship Health Message Board


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Last August my wife cheated on me with, of all people, my brother who was living with us at the time. He is Bipolar II bad and I have helped him out in the past. He doesnt work, bathe, or smile (except when he's stoned) I discovered my wife (who is Bipolar I) talking on the phone with another guy, they were speaking in french so I didn't understand what she was saying except she tried to lie to me and say it was a woman with a deep voice when I knew it was a man because I could hear him and I told her that and got mad at her.

To make a long story short after a few days of this revelation festering inside of me. I kicked her out for that and a few other reasons (her screaming at the me and the kids) along with my brother. At the time I didnt know about the infidelity that had occured twice that very week. They moved in with a friend of my brothers and continued the relationship (I still had no idea, I felt like such an idiot when I found out). She had written a letter to her guy friend from the phone and when I translated it on google I discovered that it was a love letter. I showed it to her when she came to visit the kids.
About a month after i kicked them out her and my brother got into an arguement and he text msged me telling me about the affair according to my wife later on he did that while she was there and told her that if he couldnt have her noone could. In November I let her come back and have been working on trying to save the relationship. It went well for a while, I was able to begin putting it behaind me and I started once again to have loving feelings for her. However the last 3 or 4 weeks I have been thinking about it obsessively. I can not get the thoughts out of my head. I want to divorce her. My brother shows no remorse and I hate him for it. It's driving me crazy. Im afraid I am losing the battle to save our marriage because I can't seem to put this behind me. I feel like she is tainted, Ive been betrayed by both sides. What was once mine (not quite the right word) was stolen from me.
I dont know what to do about these feelings. I cant seem to forget about it. I wish I had not told her she could come back. Today was our anniversary and I couldn't get myself to do anything for her. I couldn't find anything to celebrate about. Its been four years since we have been married and I have delt with her 5 suicide attempts (the last one at the beginning of this month I called 911 and they locked her up in the psych ward for a week, that seems to be when I started having all these thoughts.), physical abuse from her, then the affair, a 2 month financial spree that wiped out our credit and put us 20,000$ in debt, and the subsequent discovery that she has done nothing but lie to me since we were married.

I cant handle anymore. I know she was in a manic phase of her bipolar disorder and she had only been diagnosed May of last year following voluntary hospitalization (she had fun this first time in the psych ward, she hated the second time through though) for a suicidal gesture. THe other thing that worries me is that the hospital called CSD when she was locked up and they came and checked up on me and the kids. I'm afraid that if she does it again ( they will lock her away for longer than a week) I'll lose my Kids. Sorry about all the rambling, I dont know what to do for help but it feels good to express myself. Anyway, any advice or opinions on what I should do:(?





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