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Feel so torn inside
Mar 20, 2008
hi all,
Well its been a long while since i've been on here. i've been lurkin in the background but never had to post till now. Yesterday out of no where my bf split up with me.
Bit of background. We originally go together in june of last year. We stayd togeter for 2 and a half months. We argued alot and i ended up ending it. One week later i moved away to go to uni and we didn't speak for 4 months. No contact. I had my good times and my bad times over this four months. i tried to enjoy uni and try get on with things. but he was always still there in the back of my mind. Then at the end of november i became very down over it all. Granted we had only been together 2 and a half months we had both very much fallen hard for each other and i just wasn't moving on.
Suddenly in decemeber he re-appeared back into my life. We emailed and txted for about 2 weeks. I was adiment that i wasn't getting back with him. We had a bad relatonship. Although all that went out the window when we meet up. We went for a walk on the beach and the minute i saw him my heart melted. He kissed me after we got back into the car. I knew i was still so so in love with him. So we spent alot of time with each other over x mass, did alot of talking sorting through what had gone wrong before and he asked me to get back with him. I said i needed to think about it as i was going to be going back to uni(in a different country). I told him it just couldn't work like this. So on new years eve we where due to go out and spend it together and he said he wanted t drop someting u. It was a letter. From that letter we got back together.
From then till now we saw each other every one-two weeks and this was fine it wasn't a problem. IT was the arguing that was the problem and me opening up to him and telling him how i felt. Every time i did so he would blow up. My best friend said that although she liked him and thought he was a nice guy but he was very erratic and a total moany hole!! Nevertheless i was very much in love with him and when we had are good times they where amazing. our bad times where really bad.
We spoke about alot during this 3 months well just under. we said that those 4 months apart where needed for us to apprecate what we meant to each other. But then the arguing started back!! in btween the arguing he always told me how he ws going to spend the rest of his life with me, wanted to marry me and be the mother of his children and i sincerly felt the same back. i still do.
He told me the night before last that he had been n the rocks for a while. I asked him xactly what part of the rocks where we on when he told me on saturday night how much he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me and that no one would love me like him. Or what part of the rocks we where on when the next night he came to my house and had sex with me.

Last time we where together we'd break up and get bac together but this time round i feelike this is it. Its final. e had so many plans for april. Its his birthday and i've spent a fortune on flights and presents..i feel like such a fool.

I dunno, I'm so shocked and devasated right now and so confused. We had our problems, everyone does but it seems our arguements got to much for him and he ended it. Which i can understand. But i just feel like it came out of nowhere. We had a small argument on monday night over something so small and well obviously this was enough for him. We where doing great. We had an amazing time on saturday and sunday where he told me how much he loved me, how we'd gotten through so much and we where still together so tht we could get through anything. Only a few days earlier we where makig our plans to move in together.

I know in my heart of hearts that this is probably the best thing but i feel devastated. i havn't eaten or slept and the oly comfort i'm getting is from a bottle of vodka. bit extreme i know but its how i'm feeling at the moment. We had made so many plans though, some of which only last week. i can't help but look a txts he sent last sat and sun telling me how amazing i was and how much he loved me and jus feel so confused.

I txted him last night and said i missed him. he replied and said he missed me to, he really did [I]He always would[/I] I asked him did he not want to sort it out. he said no, he honesty didn't that he was happy this way with his friends..WHAT we only broke up yesterday!!! Ah i've just so so many conflicting things going on in my head. Why would you say all that then what 3 days later just end it cod you had enough. I know that he loves me but i've come to the conclusion that not as much as i loved him as i put up with the arguments cos i loved him.

Sorry for going on. I think i needed to more vent than anything else. I feel like he came back into my life and has now just gone and left me again..I've gone 3 months back again. Right back where i was in september. I've always gotten great advice from here. I just need people to tell me i'll be ok.that yes i loved him and he loved me but i'm better off without him and that i WILL find someon who will love me more than him and without the arguments.

emma





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