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Relationship Health Message Board


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I had always thought that marriage/relationships were two-way streets, give and take, compromises from each party, etc.,etc,. All that good stuff.
And I feel the same rules should apply to those entering the marriage with a child(ren). Please note that I have 2 older children myself (no longer living at home) and they are very important to me. I am not anti-children per say. But, where do you draw the line when your husband, who makes it very clear
that it is his child and it will be his decision alone on "anything" that concerns
this child. There are no compromises on anything. That includes discipline,
any kind of structure, etc. The child is 8 years old and is at our home every other weekend. You would think well it's just every other weekend so what's the problem? Let me tell you, it's been 6 years of conflict.
There are no set rules for the child. Bedtimes, cleaning of bedroom (it's a pig-pen) any of the things I feel a child should do. I guess my husband feels like since it's only every other weekend those things shouldn't apply. It should be all fun and games. I can easily see the child getting more spoiled as it is.
I had on occasion expressed "my" opinion on all of this. I feel an 8 year old is quite old enough to be taught responsibility by keeping his room clean, etc.
But my opinions go no where. And they are not received by my husband very well either. It has always been this way. He says he wants me to play a part
in their relationship but I also know the part I would play would have to be very "conditional" at best. Knowing that if I say any thing negative or condeming it will not be received well. Just gets shrugged aside. Everything that concerns HIS child has to be praising and good. I think that's BS, so
normally I don't say anything.
I have many times over the years hated and dreaded the weekends that the child was at our home. Never knowing what altercation would happen. I have very strong feelings of resentment about it all. Although I realize it is not the child himself that causes all the grief for me, it is his dad. I use the word "husband" lightly cause he doesn't act like one. He is also this devoted to the other family members. He is the wonderful son, father, brother, etc. just not into the part of being husband.
I honestly feel like him and peoople like him with kid(s) should not enter into
marriage when they are uncapable or unwilling to treat their spouses with respect and as an equal. When your whole world is the child and your not willing to put any effort into the "marriage" itself, then why bother?
I had always thought a man should feel like his wife is important. As important as the mom, dad, brothers, and even child. I have so much resentment. I look forward to the day when I am out of this mess and would be scared to death to ever again get involved with someone with kid(s)!
Maybe if he had of appreciated and treated ME with some respect along the line, a whole lot of this could have been avoided. My words of wisdom: Just because you have a child it doesn't give you a free-pass to treat your spouse like crap. There will be consequences to pay at some point in time!
I appreciate the opportunity to get this off my chest. maggie08 :(





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