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[QUOTE=Mileena42;3512497]I notice some of you ladies who responded think the husband should compromise and change his work to day shift. I also noticed that most of you don't live down south. It can become VERY hot and humid here, and I totally buy his story that he couldn't take the heat of the day, esp since even she stated he was overweight. I also find it hard to believe that his job is a 7 day a week job.....is he never home at night? Most people at least get 2 days off? Can you enjoy the nights with him on those times?

With all due respect to you and the ladies replies you have gotten....I think this poor man has gotten a bum deal. His wife tells him that she has had an affair and then on top of that goes and tells the whole church, so now everyone knows. Then, she is laying the blame for that on his doorstep because he works nights and she doesn't want to sleep alone. I don't want to sound harsh, and forgive me if I missed something......but if a guy came in here with these excuses for sleeping with another woman...you ladies wouldn't uphold that.

True, I don't know all the story, only what you have given us....but I think you are expecting something from this poor man when he is the victim. I am sorry, but that is how I see it.[/QUOTE]

You do make some good points Mileena. I am not from the south so I don't know how the heat and humidity is there. The reason why I think he should be willing to try to compromise is because he did use to work that shift. He changed it 2 years into their marriage and dismissed her feelings about it.

And yes, I do also think the husband got a bum deal. My exhusband cheated on me and I totally feel for him. I'm just not going to be judgemental because the last time I did that I got banned.

I guess the point I'm making is that things led up to her cheating. Does that make it right, no, not in the least. But it happened and he knows about it and he wants to make things work. So I feel that if he wants to make things work then he should be willing to try to compromise on the things she had issues with [I]before[/I] she even strayed.

Honestly, I find many marriages don't work after infidelity unless both parties do a lot of soul searching and compromising. I don't see that happening in this situation. That's why I think this marriage really can't be saved.
[QUOTE=Mileena42;3512497]My two cents worth on this from beginning: I don't want to sound judgmental either. This is my opinion. For starters you said the reason you told about the affair was because it was weighing heavy on you. I hate to see people hurt other people to help their own consious. It's sad. I think you told your husband, because you wanted him to know how far you might go if you couldn't force a change in him.

I notice some of you ladies who responded think the husband should compromise and change his work to day shift. I also noticed that most of you don't live down south. It can become VERY hot and humid here, and I totally buy his story that he couldn't take the heat of the day, esp since even she stated he was overweight. I also find it hard to believe that his job is a 7 day a week job.....is he never home at night? Most people at least get 2 days off? Can you enjoy the nights with him on those times?

With all due respect to you and the ladies replies you have gotten....I think this poor man has gotten a bum deal. His wife tells him that she has had an affair and then on top of that goes and tells the whole church, so now everyone knows. Then, she is laying the blame for that on his doorstep because he works nights and she doesn't want to sleep alone. I don't want to sound harsh, and forgive me if I missed something......but if a guy came in here with these excuses for sleeping with another woman...you ladies wouldn't uphold that.

True, I don't know all the story, only what you have given us....but I think you are expecting something from this poor man when he is the victim. I am sorry, but that is how I see it.

Mileena[/QUOTE]

I have to say I agree with this post. I understand what its like to have a husband that works nights my husband also works nights and has for 3 currently. Yeah not the funniest thing but sometimes its just what life throws at ya. And IMO I see that reasoning as a lame excuse for cheating. I am of the train of thought that if I ever had the thought of cheating you leave the marriage cheating is just not acceptable.

[quote]My husband also has gained 60lbs over the past few years and his gut is horrendous. I have told him all of this time and time again, but he has done nothing about it yet he wants to stay with me because I am a good woman and wife and he knows that and yes he loves me dearly, but not enough to change his job shift or to lose weight, etc[/quote]

Ya know these things also happen in life. My husband has gained weight also but I love him no less and I have not pushed him to do something he is not ready himself to do. When you love someone its suppose to be unconditional no matter if they gained weight, went bald or whatever. Either you love them how they are or you don't.

[quote]him not being the greatest father..I mean anytime he forgot the name of our son's school saids a lot. Anytime he forget our daughters DOB saids a lot.[/quote]

Some people have bad memories. After 9 years my husband still asks me when my birthday is, what the name of the boys school is, sometimes their birthday, heck I confuse my sons birth dates. I certainly can't fault someone for not remembering these things.

Overall it comes down to 2 questions maybe 3.
1. Are you willing to stick this out and make changes (as well as your husband to make this work?
2. Are you willing to walk out and start your life fresh?
3. Are all the things you listed a deal breaker for this relationship?





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