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[QUOTE=happymom28;3517310]I guess I'm having a little trouble understanding you completeopposit. In one breath you say you don't have a problem with opposite sex friendships or exgirlfriend friendships. But in the next breath you say "one has to understand how any friendship with exes is going to look to other people and make concessions for that fact". Whether you realize it or not those two statements are completely contradictory. Why should the person with this friendship have to change because of how it looks to others? Why is that person responsible for someone else's insecurities?

You are obviously not okay with this friendship and that is your right. I am not by any means saying that you are not entitled to that opinion. You have a right not to like it just as much as he has a right to have that friendship. But expecting someone to make "concessions" based on how his friendship looks to you is ridiculous. What kind of "concessions" do you expect him to make? You said that you wouldn't change for someone so why do you expect someone to change for you?

This is what I meant when I said you have to accept someone for who they are or not be with him. This friend is part of his life and not someone he plans on getting rid of. You either need to accept that fact or move on.[/QUOTE]


This is not contradictory. For the third time, I don't have a problem with opposite sex friendships or friendships with exes. He has many female friends and remains friends with other exes. Why would I pick on this one if it were a problem for me inherently? There are consequences to every action every person makes. If he expects the world to accept his friendship as a friendship, then he should present it as a friendship. He has not done that. I have every right to ask and expect him to take my feelings into consideration if he wants me and this friend around at the same time. That's part of being in a relationship, compromising and taking care of the feelings of the one you're with. Accepting someone as is involves accepting that he works a low paying job that he enjoys or accepting that he is overweight and may always be. It does not, however, involve him making statements that negatively impact our relationship without regard to my feelings and letting that be ok. Every person on this earth has the right to ask for fair treatment. Most people, including him, don't even realize they're doing it or that it's hurting others. As much as I should accept that he has this ex as a friend, he should accept that the way he speaks of her makes me uncomfortable, by your logic. He can take or leave that. What's wrong with my asking him to do so which involves him accepting [I]me[/I] and keeping me in his life? I don't think I'm wrong for asking for that and to just allow people to persist in this sort of bad behavior is not only doing a disservice to your relationship but to the other person as well. As I said, most people aren't even aware of the damage they're doing and in regards to my thread, you're ignoring the damage that has been done. It takes two people for a relationship to thrive or faulter.





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