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I'm new to the whole forum/Board thing, but I figured it was a way to talk about some things that bother me and be somewhat anonymous about it.

first things first, I'm 18, senior in highschool, and I've never, ever, had any luck with women,

but I'm not asking about tips and all of that as most do, I've tried everything, what I'm asking about is ways to cope with it, I've looked around the board and didn't find much about guys in my situation, maybe I just need to look harder, so I apologize if its there and I just haven't found the answer.

anyway, I'm 18, I've never had a girlfriend, never been told of girls being interested in me (unless it was some kind of joke), never kissed, or even held a girl like most teen couples do. and its painful.

what kills me is I feel like I've done everything I can, I tried being the "Strong Silent Type" and I found that it isn't very successful, maybe it is in the movies, but I found out that most people in real life just think your stuck up.

I tried being the nice guy, but failed miserably with that too,

I tried being the bad (however immature it actually is) and didn't get very far.

and I've tried being the cocky-funny comedian, and still haven't gotten anything, although I did get a lot of friends and became a pretty popular guy.

I'm not the guy that sits on his computer every day playing computer games, I don't sit inside and watch TV all day, I've always been a very active guy, I played a lot of sports, I hung out with cool people (however immature it sounds). Football was always a big part of my life, Football was pretty much my life until It was taken away from me by injury.

I'm not fat, I'm not skinny, I'm in really good shape, I like to think I'm reasonably good looking (Albeit to this day the only one who has confirmed this is my mother).

yet no girl has ever remotely shown interest in me, of course all of my friends have already taken this step in their life, they've all had girlfriends, and here I am, the guy who hasn't even kissed a girl. and it makes me feel pretty damn bad. I have nights where I can't sleep because I feel like a total failure in life, i find while I'm driving home from school or from the gym that the mixture of losing the biggest part of my life (football) along with my continuing failure at life with women makes me want to just careen off a cliff.

Prom is next month, this has really been weighing me down. call me ignorant, or call me stupid, but I've always been a very proud kid, I'll never let anyone keep me down, I've always been a shorter guy, never had the money a lot of kids are blessed with, but I've never let anyone help me with something I should be able to do on my own.

like I said, Prom is next month, and I've asked 5 girls, one after the other, of course (knowing my luck) they already had dates (1) or they simply said no (3), or they just laughed and honestly believed it was some kind of joke (1). now I really want to go to prom, I didn't go as a junior because I couldn't get a date (big surprise?), I coped with it by telling myself going as a junior would be a dumb waste of money when the senior prom was the one that counted. and now I'm not even going to go to that one,

I could go alone, but I refuse to be looked down upon, friends have tried hooking me up, with some really pretty girls, but I've declined, because It makes me feel like a failure to have someone else get me what I should be able to get on my own.

and my continuous failures with women is starting to really weigh on me, whenever I see other kids holding or kissing, I feel like something is really missing from me, I get this feeling in my chest like I can't breathe, and I can't stop thinking about how much of a failure I am.

Whats really cute is I'm the guy my friends constantly come to for advice with THEIR girl problems, and I'm usually right. I still can't figure out why I'm the guy with the knowledge to help my friends but I can't amount to a pile of empty coke cans in my dating life.

I really want to know what it feels like to know someone loves you, I know my family loves me, but you know the difference. It kills me that the only person who really cares about what I go through inside on a daily basis is my mother, and I obviously feel uncomfortable telling her I'm a complete failure with women and I probably wont go to prom because of it, even though she has talked about how exited she would be about the damn thing since I was a baby.

and I don't know if these feelings I'm feeling are depression or me just being weak... a couple of months ago I did the dumbest thing I've ever really felt I did, I took a knife, put it over a match, and burned myself, and after I did it I realized how weak I was, but I couldn't believe I had resorted to such a stupid thing.

I find that I'm becoming very destructive, I've already had to change the face plate of the light switch 8 times because every night I find myself slamming it to turn the light on at 3AM because I suck at life. I'm always pissed when I get home, I don't talk to people in my family, I stay at the gym or I stay in my room, at school I try to be as social as possible, I know EVERYONE at my freaking school, EVERYONE knows me, just no girls WANT me.

and all of this is just making me sick, I know my self esteem is in the toilet, but its been like that since I was a sophomore, I don't show that I'm ashamed of myself, but I am. I look at the mirror and wish I could beat the hell out of the guy I'm looking at.

anyway, I've just about damn near given up on girls in high school, I tell myself it will be better in college, but I also tell myself every school year that I'll actually get a girlfriend, I've realized it doesn't mean its going to happen.

and now I find that I was riding hope, wishing and praying for 7 years that something would happen in my life, and now I've found its time to step off into reality, and accept the fact that if it hasn't happened in 7 years, the odds are nothing good is going to happen in a matter of months.

I've thought about seeing someone (some type of doctor) about this, not the whole dating part but the effects its having on me emotionally, but I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or if I'm really sick. I know on my bad days I'll do some stupid stuff, I'll be willing to fight for stupid reasons, I'll drive like a dumby down a 35 MPH road, I'll beat my head into the wall until the I have knots on the sucker, and I know that can't be normal. screaming into a pillow doesn't help.

anyway, I know I've typed a lot, I'm sure most people didn't even bother to finish it, which is ok, because just sitting here typing this has made me feel a lot better. but if someone out there has some type of suggestion on how to deal with it then just let me know.
Hey there.

I'm genuinely sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'm not going to sugarcoat any answers for you. I truly believe that you should seek help before you even think twice about dating somebody or entering into a serious relationship with a woman.

I know you say these "fits of anger" only happen on very low days for you, but the fact that they are happening at all is a warning sign. Burning yourself with a knife, alienating yourself from family, breaking household items, driving recklessly, beating yourself into a wall to the point of self-inflicted wounds... you know that none of these are healthy or particularly positive behaviors. And no, these emotions and actions will definitely not just dissapear once you find that special someone or meet somebody that you are interested in. If anything they will carry over into your relationships and become detrimental to them.

You have deeper issues to deal with besides just being somewhat of a late bloomer (if you can even call it that at 18 years old, most serious relationships don't really occur until college or even afterwards). How can you expect a woman to feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone that looks into the mirror and hates who he sees? You say you've tried many different personas just to attract a girl (the tough guy, the funny guy, the cocky guy, the nice guy, etc.). Would you really even want someone that was attracted to a fake personality or show that you are putting on? You deserve better than that.

You need to figure out who you are and start to develop some feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, and I really think that a good counselor can help you on the path to getting there. I feel that you already know what you need to do though. You seem like a very well-spoken and intelligent guy who is just going through a rough patch right now. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness or "giving up", but rather a sign of maturity when you know what is wrong and try your best to fix it.

I wish you the best. We are all here if you need help or just need to vent.
hello dislike Reality
just as CyberNick poined out you should try to control your anger carefully. we all have our bad times in life but eventually the sun will shine again, so to say. i can understand your problem mostly because both me and my current bf experienced self inflicted pain and i do know how it feels but please please try to take care of yourself and love yourself, because if you dont, nobody else ever will. just keep in mind that at our age, relationships come and go, few of them are serious and even fewer last a long time.
unfortunately, i cant give you lots of excellent advice because im a teen myself experiencing most of the problems you do. i read your story and i sort of recognised myself in some situations, if that makes sense. as for the prom, i cant tell you anything else than to ask other girls if you really want to go. or you could ask a female friend to accompany you.
another thing that crossed my mind: have you told your mother about your problems with anger and self inflicted pain? i personally think its better to talk to someone close, a relative or good friend, that could make the difference. if you accept these feelings and talk about them, maybe with someone who went through the same thing, they will become less strong and eventually dissapear;the fading process did happen in my case.
good luck:)
All I hear is a lot of negativity.

All the personas you are trying WILL NOT work, because you're not being YOU! You're only 18, a baby in my eyes. So what if you've never been with a girl yet? SO WHAT? Just be happy to be alive, man. All I can say is quit with the different types of personalities and just be confident, not cocky. Cocky people are such a turn off. And if you're friends want to hook you up, so what? Go for it. It can give you experience, then you'll grow some confidence. Another thing i'll add is that being so prideful, like you are is unhealthy. It won't get you anywhere in life and it will only make people not want to be around you. Let your guard down, have fun with your friends. Go on some double dates. Just because a friend hooked you up with a girl, and you weren't the one to actually get her yourself is NOT something to be ashamed of. Just have fun with it and stop taking life so seriously at your age..

You also need to visit your school counselor about your anger fits. That's not so good man.. you're only 18 and it seems that you have a good family backing you up..
you're only 18, so not having a girlfriend shouldnt be a big deal. i never had a boyfriend when i was 18 either. infact i moved overseas for a year at 17 to experience life, then came back and finished high school. now im at university and i got my first real boyfriend when i was 21. we are still together now. cant you take a female friend to the prom instead?

also like the others said, maybe you should see someone about harming yourself. that is not healthy at all.
Yep, another post about seeking some counseling. I agree with the others. You need to find that self confidence and others will see that. You know how it is, sometimes you can almost see what someone is feeling or thinking.
My youngest is going to prom this year with a friend so there is no dating issues. Do you have any female friends available? And having or needing a girlfriend is like my daughters thinking they need a boyfriend. I always tell them to enjoy their youth, have friends, fun, no commitments! There is plenty of time for that.
You seem like a very caring young man with many good qualities. Wish you were here for my girls! And please, talk to someone. You may be surprised at how much that can help.


dislike reality- Hunny you're only 18 years old, so young. It's ok if you haven't had a girlfriend. It's not abnormal. You should let your friends hook you up and stop being so prideful about it. Being so prideful won't get you that far. You're only 18 and still have so many things to learn about life. Being prideful is only hurting yourself in the end. Since you say you won't let your friends hook you up with any girls, why not let them a couple times so you can get some experience then feel more comfortable doing it on your own?

And stop with the different personas. That's not being you and people can sense that. Just be you. Don't be cocky, be confident. Believe in yourself. That will get you far in life.

Go see your school counselor about your anger fits. I think holding all of this anger in is only building up and making you explode. Good luck :angel:
To start... "18 years of being single" is a bit misleading. You cannot possibly tell me you expected a girlfriend while you were an infant?

You are eighteen. Life has only just begun. Everyone gets different things at different times in their lives. There is a chance that all the friends you have now that are in relationships will find themselves single at 25, 30, 45, whatever. I am 36 and currently single. Did I have a bf at 18? Yes, but he is long gone. Your high school years (or college years, or any other years) are not an indicator of what the future holds. The future is a blank slate.

Your feelings are certainly normal (who doesn't want love?) but your reactions to those feelings are not within the normal range of behavior. Self-harming, etc., are indicators that there is something a lot more serious going on than the lack of a date to the prom. If you are having insecurities about who you really are (evidenced by the trying of different personas), which is perfectly understandable at your age, then you need to either find a way to work it out on your own or talk to someone who can help you. I personally think you are at the level of needing to talk it out with someone.

Btw, why won't you let your friends set you up? Be grateful you have friends that care about you. This is what friends do. Don't let pride ruin what might be a potentially amazing thing.
[QUOTE=CyberNick;3523861]Hey there.

I'm genuinely sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'm not going to sugarcoat any answers for you. I truly believe that you should seek help before you even think twice about dating somebody or entering into a serious relationship with a woman.

I know you say these "fits of anger" only happen on very low days for you, but the fact that they are happening at all is a warning sign. Burning yourself with a knife, alienating yourself from family, breaking household items, driving recklessly, beating yourself into a wall to the point of self-inflicted wounds... you know that none of these are healthy or particularly positive behaviors. And no, these emotions and actions will definitely not just dissapear once you find that special someone or meet somebody that you are interested in. If anything they will carry over into your relationships and become detrimental to them.

You have deeper issues to deal with besides just being somewhat of a late bloomer (if you can even call it that at 18 years old, most serious relationships don't really occur until college or even afterwards). How can you expect a woman to feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone that looks into the mirror and hates who he sees? You say you've tried many different personas just to attract a girl (the tough guy, the funny guy, the cocky guy, the nice guy, etc.). Would you really even want someone that was attracted to a fake personality or show that you are putting on? You deserve better than that.

You need to figure out who you are and start to develop some feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, and I really think that a good counselor can help you on the path to getting there. I feel that you already know what you need to do though. You seem like a very well-spoken and intelligent guy who is just going through a rough patch right now. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness or "giving up", but rather a sign of maturity when you know what is wrong and try your best to fix it.

I wish you the best. We are all here if you need help or just need to vent.[/QUOTE]

Well, the truth hurts,

although I did figure as much...

I want you to know your post helped me a lot, I'm not going to talk to my school counselor but you helped give me the push I think I need to actually see someone.

anyway, thank you.
Hey D R: My husband was "you" in high school. Never felt confident around girls, didn't have a girlfriend till he was 19 and she treated him like dirt. Even the girl who he went to the prom with, was just doing it as a mercy date and ditched him 10 minutes into the festivities. High school is child's play and kids can be downright nasty sometimes. Don't ever put any stock in what anyone else thinks. Hang with your true friends and they will get you through.

He was my brother's best friend, and my brother was his total opposite. I'm not just saying this because he's my husband...he was and still is, really good looking. He never believed he was though. Total lack of self worth.

He never harmed himself, per say. He would just punch walls and doors and other inanimate objects. When he almost broke his hand, he decided that wasn't a good idea anymore.

I always saw the real person. He is loving, compassionate, intelligent and there isn't a person he's ever met, who didn't think the world of him. But it took him, until his forties to finally get help. He is a changed man. I just wish he could have seen it years ago. Please don't wait to see a professional. It is not a sign of weakness. As someone else here said, it is a sign of strength and courage to admit you can't always do it on your own.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.
I was really touched by your post, more so than any I have read on these boards. I wish I had the majic wand to make you feel better about your life. I dont. BUT please note that I didnt say I would change your life. Life is what you make of it. You say you have lots of friends, and you are trying so hard to find "love"......and take it from an old pro on that one.....it usually only shows up when you are looking the least.

I have a 21 yr old son, who I know in my heart felt some of your issues....maybe not all of them or maybe I never knew he felt them all. He talked to me about a few only recently. As far as I know, he has never had a g/f or dated or kissed anyone. I dont know that he would tell me now, but I think he did all the things you are doing with changing his personas and finally becoming the comedian at school....which also earned him a very beloved status, but no girls. I guess I am telling you these things because I want you to know that you are not alone where you are....my son turned to music and video games and eventually took off to live in another state. I believe he found starting all over away from everyone he knew built his selfconfidence up. I saw him for the first time in a year last month, and I believe for the first time since HS he is happy. You have no idea what that can do to a mothers heart.

So, I am begging you to talk to your mother. If you cant talk to her please talk to someone and tell them what you have told us. I feel like this has become more of an issue of your mental health than even you might realize, and if you think writing it all down helped, imagine how talking it out might help.

I am basically worried that you might indeed hurt yourself. (this was also a true concern I had with my own son) and I will bet that your mom already knows some of the things you are going through, maybe she doesnt know how to bring it up....maybe like me, she is waiting for an affirmation from you. I know you say your primary concern is not having had a GF. I could tell you like others that not having one at 18 is no big deal, but if it is to you then hearing that again isnt going to help much. I can assure you at 44 that my life since 18 is a 180 degree turn and I will bet there isnt an older person here who wouldnt agree with me. Things that matter now just WONT matter later in life....things seem to fall into place.

I dont know if you attend church. Please go. Find a place you can be comfortable at, and find some peace in knowing that God cares about all your problems. If it concerns you, it concerns your maker. There are also very nice girls at church who might be looking for a young man just like you! Even if that isnt the answer for you at this time in your life, trust me...when I tell you there IS a girl out there who is feeling like you, who is waiting for a man like you, and you WILL find her.

In the meantime, please talk to someone that isnt on a computer. I care about what happens to you! I know your friends and loved ones do as well.

Mileena
I understand your pain. When I was in high school I was not considered one of the pretty girls so I didn't have dates even though I was on the cheerleading squad! It wasn't until after graduation and I was working that I got asked out. I grew up thinking I was ugly, but quite a few of the new guys I met (NOT guys I went to high school with!) thought I was pretty & fun! What a revelation! High school can really be the pits...but things WILL change once you get out of there, I can assure you! Keep developing your intelligience and personality, have a sense of humor and some wonderful, smart girl will see you and think "there he is!"





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