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Someone talk me through this.

Theres half of me that wants to be with her, and another half that wants to be alone. I know the reasons for being with her are stronger, but the other reasons are just getting to my head.

Not to make it sound over dramatic, but over the past maybe 2 months i have literally been losing my mind. Yet, i dont have a reason to anymore, she is perfect now, doesnt care if i watch movies, go out with friends, anything, she grew out of that. But just now, all of the stories that she rubbed in my face a long time ago are starting to get to me, really badly too, and during a time where if it werent for my problems, everything could be perfect.

The problems with this relationship i can fully admit to are these.

1) I have next to no trust in her, and this has diminished over time. Its getting VERY bad, where i dont trust what she says about her past, simple questions i may ask, or where she is going, or what she is doing. That trust has diminished to almost next to nothing.

2) I lost all of my friends over this relationship, and i feel very lonely all the time. I never had many to begin with, and i found out about 50% of them werent good friends anyway, but i feel really alone and lost all the time.

3) This is the biggest one, and i know its petty but i cannot help it. She really hurt me over the past, when she would rub stories of sexual encounters with other guys in my face. This didnt really hit me until maybe 5 or 6 months ago, i just feel a grudge deep down inside against her, a grudge and some disgust. So subconsciously, i am trying to hurt her back, not physically, not emotionally, but psychologically, i am trying to get into her head to pay back what she has done to me. I know this is bad, i know this is pathetic, but i find myself saying things solely to remind her how badly she messed me up inside of my head over those stories.


How do i fix this? I dont want to leave her for many reasons, but staying with her is driving me insane.

Its been a year, and coming on to a month now.
[QUOTE=Lazer 77;3532680]The problems with this relationship i can fully admit to are these.

1) I have next to no trust in her, and this has diminished over time. Its getting VERY bad, where i dont trust what she says about her past, simple questions i may ask, or where she is going, or what she is doing. That trust has diminished to almost next to nothing.

2) I lost all of my friends over this relationship, and i feel very lonely all the time. I never had many to begin with, and i found out about 50% of them werent good friends anyway, but i feel really alone and lost all the time.

3) This is the biggest one, and i know its petty but i cannot help it. She really hurt me over the past, when she would rub stories of sexual encounters with other guys in my face. This didnt really hit me until maybe 5 or 6 months ago, i just feel a grudge deep down inside against her, a grudge and some disgust. So subconsciously, i am trying to hurt her back, not physically, not emotionally, but psychologically, i am trying to get into her head to pay back what she has done to me. I know this is bad, i know this is pathetic, but i find myself saying things solely to remind her how badly she messed me up inside of my head over those stories.
.[/QUOTE]
All of these issues are actually the same one. It is all about a crush that has worked itself out, and there is no basis for an ongoing relationship here. Your passion is designed by Mother Nature to last about 6-18 months, just to keep a couple together while a deeper bond forms. This has not happened in your case, so there is nothing there to build on. Because of this, your head has taken over and is telling you that this relationship is WRONG WRONG WRONG, but the remains and memories of the passion are still keeping you from hearing this. Sooner or later, the weight will fall on the side of leaving, because, if you cannot deal with her past etc while fully in love, then you never will once the first blush has gone. Sera





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