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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=nikki92;3548968]Desertfox, sorry I had to go to the doc's and did not get to finish my comments to your ?'s. I honestly believe that I do love Jim, it is not just a financially secure feeling. I carry my cell phone from room to room with me and to the garage and bathroom so that I do not miss his call. I lookforward to him calling me evryday. When he works in town I am so glad, because then I can take him lunch. I hate it when he works out of town, I miss him so much, I still have a house and food when he is out of town, it is him that I miss. When I am not able to talk to him, touch him, look at him, that is hard on me. I do not want him to work out of town or be gone for days or months. I want him to come home to me every night and be happy to see me. I always make sure that his dinner is cooked, his house is spotless like he likes it. I put candles in the bathroom for him, I rub his feet, his back. I take care of him. He is going to be gone for 4 days this week and I already miss him. I packed his suitcase for him last night and I put notes inside each one of his shirts so that he will have a note from me every morning when he goes to put a shirt on. I do not do these things because he pays me too, I do them because I WANT to. Believe me if I wanted a man for money, it wouldn't be Jim, he doesn't make enough money to support us. I didn't marry him for money, he has none. He did not even own a house when we got married, he lived with his parents. But, he does work very hard for what he does make, and he does try, he has always had a job, he just has no education. He is not a dead beat Dad. He pays his child support before we pay our bills. Not everyone in this world is financially well off. He does what he is capable of doing, and I have never expected him to do more or make more than his skills allow. He also isn't the smartest person in the world. he tried college, but didn't do well and had to quit. Some people are just meant to be mechanics, laborers, that doesn't make us less of a person than a doctor or lawyer. Money isn't everything!
The problem is that I am so much in Love with this guy that every time he lies it does kill me. I was trying to detach myself emotionally from him. I cannot do this. I cannot just make myself not Love him, not want him, no matter how hard I try, no matter what people say about him. I try to stay mad at him and I cannot, I am miserible if he is upset with me. I did not feel these things for my first husband. I never felt any of the strong feelings that I feel for Jim. I used to doubt my true Love for my first husband, but I have never doubted my Love for Jim. I haven't gotten more sick because I want out of the relationship, I have gotten more sick because I do not want out, I just want him to not lie to me and for him to stand up for me to his family. I want to believe that we will always be togther and he will always Love me and only me. Nikki[/QUOTE]

All of these things you say you want from Jim are normal things to want and need - No lying, to stick up for you to his family.. But some of the other things you want are codependent needs. You can't go a week w/o him and not be terribly sad... and depressed it seems. My boyfriend works out of town for now, and yes I get my moments of sadness but the difference between me and you is that your husband treats you like crap and I have no idea how you could miss someone who treats you like garbage and makes you feel bad. What's there to miss?

I want you to have all the healthy good things from Jim.. no emotional affairs, not being a pussy with his family.. but hunny, you're not going to get these things from Jim. It's just not going to happen. And the longer you wait, the more pain your asking for.

I wanted good treatment from my ex also.. and NEVER got it.. my boyfriend now gives me all of these things x 100. No cheating, no emotional abuse, theres tons of affection, quality time.. but I would have never gotten that from someone I thought I loved.. and in the end I didn't love him at all.. how is that possible to love someone like that?

The way his family treats you is awful. It's disgusting.. i'm sure they treat pets better than the way they treat you. It's weird and abnormal and they need a dose of their own medicine.. karma will come back to them.. and your husband for not sticking up for you!

I know you love him. But there is more to life then loving someone who can't return it the way they should. Life is supposed to be more than this. He can't keep you under his control forever, if you don't let him..

Another thing I want to mention is don't stop sticking up for yourself. You're just not used to it, and when people make you feel guilty for it you let it get to you, so stop!! Every human being has a right to defend and stick up for themselves. And if it's something you truly believe in, then stick up for yourself! You have the right..





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