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I have posted on here before about my childhood friend of roughly 25 years became a heroin addict. For those of you who are not familiar I will give a "brief" summary:

We grew up 3 houses apart and have known eachother since we were 5. I practically lived in her home growing up. Her mother was the role model that my mother often failed to be. When we got to our 20s she started dating "questionable" guys and eventually got into what she called recreational cocaine use. By the time I filed for my divorce 4 years ago our relationship was really strained. She hid a lot of her drug use from me because I didn't approve. Anyway, I met my husband through her and he knew much more than I did about her habits. She had a fit when my husband and I started dating, and when I told her we were getting married she was just nasty to me and I hung up the phone on her and stopped calling her. 2 months after my younger daughter was born she called me out of the blue and wanted to come by and see the baby and my other daughter (her goddaughter). Having no idea of how bad she was I welcomed her with open arms only to be met at the door by a woman who looked like death. I never called her again after that visit. 4 months later there was a death in her family and I went to the wake to pay my respects to her parents and sister. I didn't even want to talk to her. However, I found at that night that she was in rehab and had been addicted to heroin. Talk about a shock. I kept my distance for a while and she then began calling me every so often. I thought we were "okay" and on the road to fixing our friendship. Instead she blew off birthday parties, christenings, broke plans all the time, and I had to let her go for me. It hurt too much.

Sorry, that really wasn't brief. :D

That brings us to last Sunday. She calls me out of the blue and wants to come see our new home. I was hesitant at first, especially because it was suppose to be our family day, but my husband encouraged me to have her over. He left for a while so we could "catch up". I believed with my whole heart that she was sober and had been for 18 months. It turns out she had been using again for the last 9 months. She was giving me horror stories of what she had been up to. I mean, I was in tears because this is not the friend that I grew up with. She sat at my kitchen table calling people to "get stuff" with my daughters in the next room. I finally tossed her out because I really had no choice. I spent the rest of the night speachless really.

So the next night my husband finally asked me "what happened" and I spilled my guts. I was hysterical by the time I was done. He encouraged me to call her sister and let her know that she had relapsed. I left her a message and her and I finally spoke on Friday. Her and her parents had a feeling she was using again, but the really had no proof. I gave it to them. I felt I owed it to them after all they have done for me. When we were done talking I know her father called my "friend" and made a day for her to come to the house (that they banned her from a week ago due to their suspicions).

Anyway, I got a call today (after the talk with her family) and I didn't answer the phone. I refuse to talk to her. She left me a message all upset that I wouldn't call her back but I would call her parents. How I betrayed her trust and how we have been friends for so long. How I should have come to her and told her she needed help rather than doing what I did. How I am to blame that she no longer has a car or a place to live or anything. Basically she thanked me for ruining her life.

I know I did the right thing. I know I did. She is on a path of self destruction that nobody can save her from. We have all tried and we have all failed. Her family needed to know because she robbed them all blind before she went into rehab. But the guilt is eating me. I cried when I heard her message because I can't make it better. I know we will never be friends again. I also realize she may never have her family again (unless she gets and stays clean).

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but what choice did I have? Her family was so greatful to me for coming to them and they kept appologizing to me for her actions in my home. I don't even know what to feel. I know she feels a thousand times worse than I do right now and I know she went and got high to make it all better.

I don't know what I'm looking for to be honest. I just really had to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading my novel. :D

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