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Am I being played?
Apr 27, 2008
I am going to start from the begining. I met this illegal girl on CL living in Atlanta in the last week of November. I live in Philadelphia but since I was going to be in Atlanta in december, I thought I should take a plung at it. She gave me her phone number immediately and I called. She asked for money a few days after talking on the phone. I did transfer money to her since she said it was for deposit for her new apartment. Since then till now it has been money for one reason or the other on a weekly basis. I finally met her in January and she painted a picture of herself not going out much since she had few friends and no boyfriend. She also let me know she was illegal and wanted to sort her immigration status. I let her know I would be of no help as I am a greencard holder. About 2 days of meeting she let me know that she had "a lot of things to take care of" before she could say anything about a relationship and she didn't want to string me along. Since one the things I knew that was bothering her was her papers, I offered to help financially and what not. I left Atlanta after 2 weeks and for the next 2 weeks we were either aurguing or the conversation became stalled. All of a sudden she called saying she didn't want to ask me for money but she had to. I obliged and we started talking more. I brought her to Philadelphia in connection with her papers. During the week she was here, we didn't do anything like clubbing, kissing nor holding hands. She just said 'You do not know what you have done and I hope to make as happy one day" The day after she returned to Atlanta, I asked about our relationship and she just said we'll talk about it when she move to philadelphia in April. During our coversations, she would say things like I would need to know some words in her native language to use when we go to her country. She moved about 3 weeks ago to Philadelphia but I still have a lot of concerns and thinking of what I have gotten myself into. Her mother and 3 of her sisters have texted me before so her immediate family know about me. What they know of me, I do not know.

She has not used any words of endearment and says she wants to stay celibate even. She however goes to an adult store to buy a vibrator. Last Sunday, we were talking about sex, when she said I should show her my 'thing'. I did that and things escalated to smooching. She then stopped and then started saying this should never happened and 'I don't know what I was thinking' We started again after she said no more than smooching. But the next day she starts saying it should never have happened and 'I do not know how she is feeling' even though she was the one to start it. This raised many questions for me like would she have a lapse in judgement and do it to her male friends? Did she just not want to do it with me because she has someone else in Atlanta that I do not know of?
She is in Atlanta this past week saying she missed it and her friends. Since she has been there, she has not called often except for money. I don't know if she has a boyfriend there whom she is seeing. The stuff I got her from Victoria's Secret and new shoes, She took them to Atlanta. I am wondering why if not to wear it for someone special there.
Two days ago she texted that she feels strongly for me. I don't know what that means. I have also noticed that she doesn't talk about things like that but would rather text. I don't know why.
She also said we wouldn't sleep in the same bed if I stayed over in her place even though she told me she's slept in the same bed with a 'male friend' when she was staying with this 'friend'.
Am I being played and should I just wait for her to get back, take my stuff back and say bye? Thanks
You sent money to some strange woman you never even met?
Yes I did. Silly me!
don't send any more money!!!!
OF COURSE she is just using you for your money. If you are looking to find a serious girlfriend, someone who really likes you, then you have to find someone who doesn't want anything from you other than to just be with you.
you really really shouldn't even have to ask yourself this question...
What it sounds like to me is you payed some women for sex and she isn't giving you any...she was very clear that all she wants is a green card period. So you are helping an illegal get a green card illegally. Stop it.
My gut instinct is yes, you are being played. You don't know this woman at all. She is a total stranger from the internet. You don't know her, her family (those texts could have been from me - or her husband or boyfriend - for all you know). You really don't know anything about her at all. Except, of course, that she gave her phone number to a total stranger and then immediately asked for money without even meeting you. For all she knew (or cared) you could have been a complete lunatic! Then she kept on asking! What's to say she doesn't have a roster of "friends" she also asks for money?

Here's what you know about her: her phone number, her bank details, that she went home with a bag full of stuff you bought her from Victoria's Secret and that she owns a vibrator. I'm just adding that last one in because it seems to me that she's acting all shy and innocent (all that BS about regretting kissing, etc.) but yet she walked into a sex shop and was worldly and bold enough to openly purchase a sex toy! Not exactly as innocent and shy as she'd like you to think - in my opinion. And if she's so desperate for money, why exactly is she spending it on trips to other cities, lingerie and sex toys? Seems to me that someone desperate enough to be asking strangers for money wouldn't be spending it on luxuries! I also think she's leading you on emotionally and sexually to keep the funds rolling in.

Why not cut off the funds and see if she keeps in contact with you? My guess is that she'll be gone as soon as the funding stops. This whole situation just isn't normal and, to me, reeks of a scam by an experienced con. I somehow doubt that you're the first or only guy she's getting money from. Maybe I'm wrong. But I'd stop worrying about how she tells you she feels about you and judge the situation according to her actions. If you cut off the funds and she disappears, you'll know by that action that you were 100% being played. If she sticks around, well - glad I was wrong. I really don't think she will stick around though, everything about this makes me think she's playing you. Be careful and stop giving her money until you know for sure she's NOT playing you.
If you care about this woman, cut off the money and tell her that you care and want to have a serious relationship with her. See what happens on her end. You should find out, for yourself too, if this woman cares for you or not.

Maybe she really needs the money and does care about you too. You won't find out until you stop sending money and offer yourself to her instead. Be kind and loving when you tell her that there is no more money.

She will let you know her true feelings quickly, I think.

Good luck, it's a tough spot to be in.
wow I think she may be using you. i can iunder stand not wanting to move fast but you guys are not moving at all. no hand holding come on. you have to wake up. if you have to ask you have to know there is already a problem. get out now b4 you are broke and in love
I have to agree, she is using you. (sorry)

What I would do is report her to ICE and tell her have a nice day, she deserves at least that.

You will never see the money or goods you bought her.
Are you being played? Without a doubt, yes. Sorry to say...

I hope you have taken these replies to heart. It's all probably not what you wanted to hear, but I think your logic is being clouded and you need an outside opinion. Good luck.
You're definately being played, sorry.

You need to stop contacting her and sending her money. Is she a legal immagrant? If not, you may want to consider reporting her (if you can do such a thing).

It's women like her that give all us decent ones a bad name!

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