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A person in their right mind would shut their mouth and suck it up right now.. A good guy is so hard to come by these days... and I found one.. but he comes with a flaw.. :( one I'm not sure I can over look.

We've been dating off and on for over 6 months. He is the sweetest, most caring, considerate, easy to get along with person I've ever met. My son loves him.. We have great times together. We're quite compatible mentally and physically (best sex..EVER).

The flaw... he's only about 2inches taller then myself.. and I'm 5'1... Sitting down you'd never realize how tall he is. He's a personal trainer so he's built quite nicely... but then he stands and its like... :| wow..

On good days I just think to myself.. 'stop being a spoiled brat.. he's an amazing person'.. But on bad days.. I think to myself.. 'do I really see a future with him.. could I have children with him..".

I just don't know anymore... he's so amazing and any girl would be lucky to have him... but I can't help but wonder if I can look past it..

Anyone been here before? Is this a legit worry.. or do I have jitters?
This is a difficult one...on the one hand, you are right about the "good guy" thing and appreciating what you have - BUT, what rings your bells rings your bells and it is very hard to rewrite that tape. It can be done tho, and you need to do a fair bit of soul-searching in this. You are maybe basing too much emphasis on a physical type, like all those boys who would never date a "fat chick", and when you do this it is easy to shoot yourself in the foot, relationship-wise. It is terribly unfair to this lovely man to be disrespected for something he has no control over, so if you cannot overcome this, let him go. I am sure that there are many many women who would take him on. Sera
I agree with Seraph in a few points. Not that you're being shallow, but these concepts about height are imprinted in you (actually, they are imprinted in many women, and the same may be said about salaries) and it may be hard to change something so particular about you and ... so ancestral about most women. Even if you focus on his many qualities, the height issue is still there, quite visible. What amazes me, however, is that he is not even shorter than you... On the other hand, I think you are being somewhat of a perfectionist. If he were relatively taller than you, would you look for a flaw elsewhere? The issue is delicate because you can't even bring it up to him without hurting his pride, his self-image. But at the same time, if you keep this man,
aren't you making a concession? Will you unconsciously require something in exchange? Will you be masking your anger?

There are two possibilities: you break up with him and keep searching for the perfect guy (don't stay out of compassion), or you realize that this is a unique opportunity and invest in the relationship, without focusing on perfection, but on integrity. Anyway, six months is not long enough: other aspects of him will still come to the spotlight later on, and only then you will be in the position to make an intelligent judgement.
I do think you're being shallow. All you really need to do is look around you and see how many people are searching for that great love of their life, the person who treats them with love and respect and who loves their kids (from a previous relationship), etc., and you'll see how rare it is to actually find that with someone.

It's just really difficult to find that kind of connection with someone on such a deep level. And if you're lucky enough to find it, I think you should hang on to it and cherish it and not let a stupid thing like height get in the way.

He IS taller than you, and you're short anyway, so I don't see what the problem is. If you were taller than him, I could understand why you'd be uncomfortable. But you're not, so I think you just need to chill and be really happy that you've managed to find such a great guy. I'm 5'4 myself and I've dated several guys who were only like 5'6 or 5'7 and I was totally fine with that. The 2 guys I dated who were over 6 feet were kind of annoying because it's harder to hug someone when they're that tall and you're that short. For me, I preferred the shorter guys. As long as he's taller than me, that's really what matters.

Many, many women would kill to find a relationship with a guy like that. So if you can't handle his height then you really need to let him go so that a woman who would appreciate him - all of him - could have him instead. It's not fair to him if you stay with him if you are having such a problem with something that he has no control over.
This is a tough call. He is "perfect" in every way but his height. Are you willing to lose him to try to find someone with the same "perfection" but the right height, even though there are no guarentees this guy exists?

Honestly, I think this borders on shallow, but I'm not you and I'm not in your shoes. You can't always control what you are attracted to, but at the same time you say this is the best sex ever. This could be compared to him saying "she only has an A cup and I prefer a DD cup". How would that go over?

Just think about it. At least he is taller than you, right?
Well, being only 5 feet tall myself, I don't consider being petite a "flaw." I have never considered myself "flawed" because I wasn't at least 5'6". Smoking is a flaw, a bad temper is a flaw, but not being petite. But studies do show that women prefer taller men, with narrow hips and wide shoulders, the same way men prefer younger women with wider hips. It's an instinctive, innate thing. We are naturally attracted to men we perceive as being viril, strong, who would be a good protector and a good provider, and men naturally are attracted to women who look like good breeders, young with a lot of good breeding years ahead of them, with good hips. Not FAT hips, but wider, curvy hips, not boyish. And that's why short men, and older, less attractive, or boyishly built women have such a difficult time in the dating world, generally speaking. Actually, statistically speaking, short men have serious disadvantages in the job market and business world as well as the dating world. It just really sucks to be a really short man, though it can be overcome.

But all that being said, even though I'm tiny too, I do prefer taller men, I'm just naturally attracted to them, but I'm not opposed to dating shorter men. The last guy I dated was also only a few inches taller than me, but being 43 years old and being single for pretty much all of it, I know, much better than you, how hard a good man is to find. I was more than willing to get to know him and see what we could make of it. Unfortunately after our first date, he disappeared on me. If you're lucky enough to find a man who is decent, honest, upstanding, not a lazy layabout, has a stable life, isn't a junkie or an addict of some kind, isn't abusive or controlling, is willing to take on the responsibility of dating a woman with kids, and is the best sex you've ever had, I'd say it's worth at least attempting to override your natural, instinctive drive to find a taller man who may look more the part but who won't be anywhere near as good a match for you. I personally would love to have this problem, instead of having the problem of not having anyone to date at all. Make sure you've thought it through all the way before you throw this fish back.
Oh sweet sassy..

Thank you so much for replies guys.. they were really great. For sure made me think... especially the comment about taking the risk on finding someone so perfect again..

We actually live 500km's apart at the moment.. Him being his considerate caring self is coming home for a while because he knows I'm going through a rough time right now (my sons father giving me a hard time, work, school, family.. you name it.. ).

We'll be spending more time together and I hope I realize this is something I'm able to look over. I sincerely do...
I think you are being a little bit shallow. If anything he is in proportion to you. I am a short woman. I am 4'11. Most of the time I try to date men who are a little on the short side because in the past the tall ones are awkward physically. If he is so wonderful, why would you ever throw all that away because of one feature? It is so difficult to meet someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated, and appreciates you as you are.
he's TALLER than you......I don't see what the big deal is.....now if he was 2 inches shorter than you.....he would be 4' something......THEN I could see where you're coming from.....LOL
:angel:
I have actually dated men who were shorter than me...I am 5'9" so sooner or later it was bound to happen. I was very uncomfortable if they were A LOT shorter, and those relationships didnt last. However, I have learned (over my LONG 44 years) that things like physical looks or even height are so unimportant in the long run. I was one of those foolish, foolish girls who thought I was attractive and would not date below my level of "looks" please do not make that mistake and let this man who YOU say is perfect in every other way get away from you.

The girls in my high school class who got the best husbands are the ones who over looked physical flaws....! I am sure they had their share of problems....but most of them are still married and some even looking forward to grandchildren. I, on the other hand while looking for a "pretty" to match what I percieved to be my own "prettiness" ended with a total NUTCASE the first time who cheated and left me to raise our son alone.....then this time around ....my husband has a problem drinking and comes home when he feels like it..(I am mad at him today), I haven't caught him cheating or even suspect he might be...but who knows?

Anyway, I hope I didnt get so far off track that you are missing my point. There could be a lot more wrong with a fella than his height, and if that were my only complaint, I would revel in the knowledge that I might have found someone great to raise and family and spend the rest of my life with!!

Good Luck!

Mileena
Good people are hard to come by.

Be thankful for his goodness and his kindness and what he is on the inside. If you don't wnt him, someone will surely snatch him up.

Don't make a mistake...think about it. How would you feel if it were that he thought you were too short or too tall, or too heavy, or too thin? Or, if he loved everything about you but your nose was way too big????/ Think about it.
Have you considered buying him a pair of boots with a low heel? There is something to be said for a man dressed in cowboy boots, jeans and a hat. And if you yourself wore low heels or flats, I think this would make him appear taller. I think its worth a shot, good men are so hard to come by. :)
Update.

I let him go. I seem to forget his other undesirable traits until they're brought to my attention. He is very, very sensitive... over sensitive.. so he tends to make a huge deal out of every little thing. As you can imagine this means drama. I think life is too short for drama...

This weekend we were having a great time hanging out.. but during supper one night he asked what we were.. With everything being so up in the air I said we don't have a title right now, and that we should take things day by day until we become more stable. Howeverrrrr, I made it quite clear I had no intentions on dating other ppl. Well, he had a face on since then. Just being mopey and then finally picked a fight with me about the issue. Putting words in my mouth and telling me the things I said meant something that they really didnt. It was just foolishness. He is very insecure and I know he wanted a title in order to feel secure about us and himself. This reminded me of numerous times where he blew things completely out of proportion.

So... this... and obviously the other reasons... It wasn't going to work.. I wished him the best and said good bye.
Sorry, I just read through this thread and I may have missed something, but.....didn't you say in all of your previous posts that he was kind and caring and good, etc.?

I don't recall seeing anything about him being needy and overly sensative. Maybe I just missed another thread that you started where you talked about this. If I did, I apologize and please disregard this post.

I just wonder, is it because you don't want to have a long term commited relationship with anyone right now? It seems he makes a lot of concessions, like travelling to your town/city to be with you when you are having a rough time. And you said he was great with your kids. That is more rare than you may know. I also am curious as to why his asking for a "title" is so upsetting to you. I got the impression you have been seeing each other for several months and I guess if it were me, I'd probably want to know where I stood also.

I'm sorry if I am not understanding, but it seems like he went from a great guy, who was a little shorter than you normally date, to a sad whimpering pain in the neck who is not worth your time and energy. I am just confused.
I really have to agree with everything Cmpgirl just posted. I have a friend who is a single mom and she tells me all the time how hard it is to find a guy who gets on well with her son.

So I'm also curious how he went from being this great guy who is perfect in every way to being overly sensitive and needy. But perhaps it's true that maybe you're just not ready to commit to anyone right now, which is totally fine because there's no rush, and therefore you found a flaw in this guy even though he might have been right for you.

I just hope you didn't do this hastily, that's all. I'm just saying, it's so hard for people to find someone who they really feel connected with, and I just think that if you're lucky enough to have that with someone, then you shouldn't just dismiss it so quickly.
His good or bad tendencies aside, you should [I]know[/I] in your heart if things were what you wanted them to be. If you felt [U]certain[/U] about him, you would easily overlook his stature. The fact that this has come up makes me think you have reservations.

I am an equal opportunity lover of men myself. You couldn't stand the group of men I've been with and find any kind of certain look, height or weight. You would see a varying group of men who look nothing alike but had [I]something[/I] about them that attracted me (no co-dependent jokes please). I'm attracted to brainy guys, guys with wit and smart humor, guys with good taste in film and music and who tend to be on the same wave length in terms of politics. I'm picky but only about those types of likes and dislikes -- not physical traits.

Having said that, the ONLY time that aesthetics was an issue for me was when I found someone who definitely was completely wrong for me. I found myself trying to defend why I didn't want to be with him because I was afraid he or others would say that it was because of his looks. I tried to be objective about it and felt lots of guilt and shame for "letting him go" but realized later that I made the right choice (he ended up stalking me for a bit). I have been with other men whose looks were not considered handsome in the conventional way. If my heart is really invested in the person, I tend to find them the most attractive thing in the world (i.e. their little quirks are even more attractive to me because they have managed to win my heart).
I'm right on board with cmpgirl and kszan. Did I miss something?

Perhaps you are just not ready to commit to anyone, as suggested, and you were looking for something/anything to run for the hills? That's your right and all, believe me. But I would have to say that after several months of dating I would want to know where I stood too as he did. You can't blame the guy for wanting to know that.

I was also a single mom and it is rare to find a guy who gets along well with your children and vice versa.





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