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I believe that my son's wife has this. We studied the literature on it and it was like a photo of her. She was OK at first, and they had a very devoted partnership, although she was very cold towards most people and treated clerks, etc like servants. She had no actual friends tho they had a good social life, it was my son's friends they partied with. Anyway, all was OK until two things happened simultaneously - my son got sick and their credit ran out. She ordered him to leave the house or she would leave with their 3 kids. He came to us as he was too ill to manage on his own. Four weeks later she was in bed with another man, and is now moving out with him. This has all happened since August last year. Every time my son's illness was mentioned, we had to hear the "Oh poor me, it has been a nightmare, I am so stressed". Remember this lady has not taken ONE day off work, has not given up ONE new outfit or spending money on herself and the kids (they have to be perfect), and has lied and rewritten history so that now (to her and her stupid mother, but nobody else) their marriage was on the rocks for a few years and she has been struggling to keep it together yada yada. Every time she gets annoyed at anything she plays the "you will never see the kids again" card. I am struggling to come to terms with having known a real monster that his person is. I have never seen a more heartless wrecking of a human life before. He has got a mystery neuro-type illness that has affected his co-ordination, speech and hand movements, and in the middle of this horrifying thing happening, she dumped him and cheated on him and now keeps threatening to remove the ONE thing that is keeping him from suicide. This time last year, he was an active athletic police officer, with a happy family and a nice home and his "girls". He didn't drink, go out on buddy evenings, he was his littlest girl's primary carer for the first year of her life. Now he has our spare room, Saturdays with the kids and the Police service may retire him. She is serene and happy with her new rich boyfriend. It stuns us how little affect she has for her marriage breakup - it is exactly the attitude of trading in a car. This is the bald version, but there are almost weekly incidents of abuse, threats and downright cruelty ("I will get full custody because you will be a vegetable!"). The only way we can deal with it is to keep telling ourselves that she is not really human - that we are dealing with a different species here. The most painful part for my son, as it seems to be for you, is to remember a brilliant love affair, and to come to terms with the fact that it was probably always one-sided. Sorry for the rant. Sera





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