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[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3561980]Well, with all due respect, and I certainly don't mean to speak for Jenny, but being a single woman who has lived pretty much all my life single, I don't really thing that's what Jenny means. I didn't see where she was trying to speak for all single women everywhere. If you are fine being single, that's great. Some women aren't, that's all, and that doesn't necessarily make them pathetic. most people are hardwired with a drive to mate and procreate, why we're all here. And we've all got a different chemical and hormonal balance and make up, which determines a lot of things including our sensitivity, sex drive, and other things. A nice new pair of shoes is great, and if they replace waking up in the arms of someone who loves you, that's great. All Jenny is saying is, a pair of shoes doesn't replace having someone to love for everyone, and it's not because they refuse to CHOOSE to be just as satisfied with a great pair of shoes as they would be with the love, support and companionship of and good sex with a good man.

I think it's a common misconception that people have of women who are single and don't want to be that they all "feel they HAVE to have a man to feel validated." That's not it at all. It's not about having just a warm body next to you to feel like life is worth living. We all could have that, that's the easiest thing in the world. Again, I'm not speaking for Jenny, or for any other single woman for that matter. But for me personally, I've watched beautiful sunsets alone, and I've watched them holding hands with and softly talking and laughing with someone I was in love with and had a deep emotional intimacy with, I've gone to the movies by myself, and I've gone with my head resting on the shoulder of and having stimulating discussions afterward with someone I was in love with, I've been so sexually frustrated my body physically hurt, and I've made sweet love (sexual contact, but not actual intercourse) with someone I was in love with, I've come home from a long trip to lug all my luggage by myself to a shuttle bus that I had to pay an extra $20 to take me home, and I've come home to a smiling, familiar face, a strong warm hug that melted all my stress away, and a free car ride home and a nice welcome home. While the first ones are doable, and actually PREFERABLE to trying to force things with someone who isn't right for you, the second ones are just much fuller, richer, and better, no matter how fabulous the shoes I was wearing while I was doing all the first ones, that's all. It's healthy to make do with the first ones if you must and make the very best out of it, but it's also very natural to have desire for the second. I was just having a related discussion with a boss of mine yesterday. He said, especially now that he's older, he doesn't WANT to take two weeks off and go to Hawaii or go climb the Alps or hang glide off the cliffs of Big Sur. All he wants is to enjoy his job, and every now and again have some time off to spend with his family, his lovely wife, and the baby they have on the way. When you're 70, what pictures do most people want in their scrapbooks? Pictures of their families, loving spouse, kids, grandkids, graduations, wedding days, sweet 16 parties, Christmas mornings, Thanksgiving dinners, or pictures of all the great shoes you owned? I'm not defending a drive to mate and procreate that goes beyond the norm and leads to disproportionate unhappiness, unfulfillment and depression, I'm just saying there are two sides to the issue.[/QUOTE]
thank you!

I have done the whole "have fun by yourself" thing. I have gone to the movies, the museum, the mall, a restaurant, spent more weekends alone than I can count by my lonesome. After awhile it gets OLD, and tired.

I notice that when I am hanging with a friend men will approach me, and I meet a guy instantly. But because I am always alone, men do not approach me that often. If they do, it's not the right kind of guy. Maybe I appear to be "lonely" which= less appealing?

In my other thread, I mentioned a friend doing something really shady...a guy was interested in me and wanted my number, she played like she didn't have his number and didn't know how to reach him initially which turned out to be a lie. And whenever I ask her to hang out with me she makes up an excuse as to why she can't go to the movies with me...obviously she is jealous of me. This is what I have to deal with. I have a very hard time making friends with young girls my age they do not accept me into their inner circle. But I have an easier time making friends with older women they are much more confident

My mother told me that it makes her sad to see a young girl like me spend every weekend and holidays alone without a man in my life): This really hurt me and I started to cry. She doesn't understand how for me it's not easy finding a boyfriend. And how a lot of women simply don't like me because of how I look. But I am just like them, I have insecurities and the desire to be accepted just like they do. They just look at the physical aspect and think I must have it easy..
[QUOTE=JennyLee123;3562192]thank you!

I have done the whole "have fun by yourself" thing. I have gone to the movies, the museum, the mall, a restaurant, spent more weekends alone than I can count by my lonesome. After awhile it gets OLD, and tired.

I notice that when I am hanging with a friend men will approach me, and I meet a guy instantly. But because I am always alone, men do not approach me that often. If they do, it's not the right kind of guy. Maybe I appear to be "lonely" which= less appealing?

In my other thread, I mentioned a friend doing something really shady...a guy was interested in me and wanted my number, she played like she didn't have his number and didn't know how to reach him initially which turned out to be a lie. And whenever I ask her to hang out with me she makes up an excuse as to why she can't go to the movies with me...obviously she is jealous of me. This is what I have to deal with. I have a very hard time making friends with young girls my age they do not accept me into their inner circle. But I have an easier time making friends with older women they are much more confident

My mother told me that it makes her sad to see a young girl like me spend every weekend and holidays alone without a man in my life): This really hurt me and I started to cry. She doesn't understand how for me it's not easy finding a boyfriend. And how a lot of women simply don't like me because of how I look. But I am just like them, I have insecurities and the desire to be accepted just like they do. They just look at the physical aspect and think I must have it easy..[/QUOTE]


The older I get, the more I realize you just have to accept your parents as they are, good bad and the ugly, and realize they are never going to change. It's unfortunate your mother says this to you. I was lucky in that aspect. My mother's mother sort of forced her into marrying my father, she hid letters my mother got from another man she had known while she was in the service because she didn't want my mom to be "distracted" from the man who became my father, and kept telling my mom "you're 29, he's your last chance!!!" and my mother has regretted marrying my father all her life, but being a good catholic, felt she could never get a divorce. I have never known my mother really happy. I love both my parents but I wish I had had two functional, happy parents who lived apart than two maladjusted, dysfunctional parents who lived together and were so wrapped up in their unhappiness they didn't really have much left over to parent with. So she always said to me "dont' feel like you have to have a man or you have to get married or give me grand kids. It wouldn't break my heart if you never get married." So at least she doesn't make me feel bad about being single. And shame on your mom for rubbing salt in your wounds. No doubt your mother comes from a time when it was considered shameful for a woman to be past a certain age and not married. But the good news is, back then women sort of HAD to get married because they couldn't make the kind of money men did because they couldnt' get hired for the kind of jobs that paid, and if they did, they were paid less than the men in the same positions. Women needed men literally to put a roof over their head, food on the table, buy their car, medical insurance, etc. and single women were considered hussies, dangerous loose women who would swoop in and try to steal your husband away because they didn't have one of their own. But things have changed. It may be lonely not having a life partner, believe me, I totally get that, but there's certainly no SHAME in it anymore!! My extended family sometimes makes me feel like a loser for still being single, so I just avoid them when I can and dont' talk to them much. Most of the time I feel good about never having married the wrong man, never having been beaten by a man I was in a relationship with. I was treated somewhat poorly in the the only relationship I was in, and while a part of me will always love him and miss the good parts of the relationship, I would NEVER go back to it the way it was. I'm not the same person I was back then. And that's a very GOOD thing.

So you say other women don't like to hang around you because of the way you look. Does that mean you're really pretty? That surely doesn't have to be a drawback. It may mean you have to work a little harder to show people you're not stuck up or whatever, which is unfair, I know, but it's just part of life. But I gotta tell you, one of the coolest, most down to earth women I've ever known was also the most beautiful. I mean, men broke their necks to look at her, she looked like a cross between Christy Brinkley and Michelle Pfeiffer, only prettier, if you can picture that. But she was just so cool, open, warm, friendly, very smart, down to earth, there was no way you couldn't like her. And if I can befriend a beautiful woman, surely there are other women out there who feel the same and wouldn't let the way you look stand in the way of getting to know you.

Sometimes I have to check myself, one little thing i did pick up from Dr. Phil that I think is good advice, is to ask yourself, "how much fun am I to be around?" People aren't going to want to be around you if you're aren't fun to be around, so if I catch myself sounding not fun in any way, too complaining, or whatever, I immediately lighten up.

Well, I hope I've helped a little. I know it's not easy, but you still have so much time. Don't sweat the things you can't control, and concentrate on being the very best you that you know how to be. :angel:





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