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Re: Going nuts here
May 10, 2008
Hmmmm...well, it sounds as though you both have some adjusting to do to get used to living together. I do suggest you work a little on your social life. No matter how wonderful your boyfriend is and how much you love him, he simply CAN'T be your whole world. It's not realistic or fair to expect one person to fulfill all your social and interpersonal needs. Go out with work people every now and again, how about trying inviting some people for a drink after work sometime, and maybe that can turn into dinner once in a while, or a movie, etc. It would perhaps take the pressure off the relationship and him feeling like he always has to be 'on' for you.

Now, that having been said, as for his part of the bargain, no matter how stressed or tired his job makes him, it's not excuse for him to be mean and rude to you. Just outright saying to you "don't talk" won't stand. You have absolutely every right to welcome him home and engage him in light conversation without basically being told to shut up. There is no reason for you to put up with that. He has a right to have some space when he comes home, but you also have the right to be spoken to with respect. I might try telling him the next time he says something hurtful and rude like that again, say "we'll talk about it when you're in a better mood" and when he is in a better mood, tell him flat out how his shortness makes you feel. That you are willing to work out a compromise with him, but he needs to stop taking his stress out on you. This is something you need to nip in the bud right now or he will get used to treating you like and will soon feel entitled to treat you like this and then it will be harder for you to talk to him about it and get him to hear your side of it and work out a compromise. OF course when you've been together for a while, fights and mood swings and stress and such are bound to come into play and there are peaks and valleys, but NEVER an excuse for being mean, or disrespectful or inconsiderate.

Don't be so scared about the relationship ending that you are afraid to hold your own in it. This is your relationship too, not just his, and you have needs and wants too. If standing up for yourself and expecting respect causes the relationship to end, then it was one that wasn't very healthy for you to be in in the first place. Trust me, I've been there. Swallowing pride and biting your tongue and trying to be a "good girl" to keep the peace to keep him and sacrificing your self respect to make him happier is SOOOOOOOO not worth it. Mainly because, 9 times out of ten, the guy is thinking "gosh, waht a cream puff she was. I would have respected her so much more if she had just told me to go get stuffed even once." No one likes a door mat, no matter how they say that's what they want you to be.

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