It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I just want to say in advance that this situation is very long, so bear with me here :)

I know a guy we'll call John. John and I are both 24 and were acquaintances in high school. I ran into him during freshman year of college (Me going to the local state school and him at city) and he helped me out getting a part-time job and we became pretty good friends. We were both normal, red-blooded college freshmans: going to parties, drinking, hooking up with girls, etc.

In high school John had a lot involvement with drama and music. He had the lead in the school musical senior year and since has never really left it behind. Ever since graduating he has volunteered there every year, as he has a good relationship with the choir director. His first year volunteering he gradually started hanging out with all the high school kids that were in the musical and other productions (16-17 year old kids mainly). I thought it was a bit weird, but as he just graduated and we were only 18 it wasn't that bad.

Fast forward to today. John is 24 and his core group of friends are, still, the kids in the drama club at the high school. He hangs around 17 year old kids and buys them alcohol, parties with them and etc. like he's still a senior there, its like time is standing still for him while everyone else is graduating college, getting successfull careers, getting married and etc. He's still at city college, and its been 6 years since we graduated. Because of all this we have basically parted ways, as I thought his friendships with kids not even of legal age were a bit creepy and odd to say the least, and 90% of his leisure time involves these kids.

The only reason I continued being around him was because we still worked together (up until about a few months ago, I just got a new fulltime career after graduating college). We never hated each other or anything, we just both started hanging out with others and stopped talking. At the beginning of this work year, he got his friend Joanna a job where we worked. She's 19, goes to my old college, and of course is a past lead in one of the high school musicals.

Well, to make a long story short, me and her ended up dating and are now together. While we were dating and weren't "official" yet, John pretty much put the last nail in our friendship coffin by basically trashing my character and telling Joanna that he saw her as a sister, and that "he would never want me dating his sister." He told her how I used to hook up with different girls in college, and basically portrayed me as a womanizing horndog that is purely out for sex. She almost backed out and stopped seeing me based on the things John was saying, because she saw him as a good friend and trusted his judgement. She's also a bit inexperienced (and a virgin), so these things obviously really turned her off. I basically had to sway her to my side after two months of persistence to show her that I wasn't a horrible guy, and that John just has problems seeing those around him grow up and become successful when he is still living vicariously through a group of kids in high school. She finally came around and we are now incredibly happy together, except for the next part.

The obvious problem is that John and Joanna are still pretty good friends. She tells me that I never even come up when they hang out or in conversation (it's always in a group and he isn't the most appealing of guys to say the least, so that's not what I'm worried about). It still bothers me though that they are good friends after I've basically written him off. [COLOR="Red"]{removed}[/COLOR] I told her from the beginning that if her and him want to be friends then I'm not going to tell her who to hang out with obviously, but she knows how I feel about him and that he bothers me. The thing that's more irritating is that she will talk to me about how weird he is sometimes and that he's one of the most obnoxious, immature people she knows, but I feel like she just says that to appease me because they'll still hang out at least once a week.

I know it's a bad situation for her to be in, and I feel crappy that she's stuck in the middle, but I really don't know how to deal with this. I still can't believe some of the things he said to her about me (some of those that happened over five YEARS ago, and that he also participated in!). All of my friends joke around and say that he is probably jealous and that I "stole her" away from him, but if he felt that way it should have been his responsibility to tell me in the beginning. It seems like the longer we're together as well, the more he tries to get her to come out with him and the more he invites her out as they have several mutual friends from the school.

How can I just be the bigger person and get past this!? I'm a new college graduate with a good job, a car, my own apartment and a full life ahead of me and I feel like I'm back in highschool again dealing with all this bs. I feel that if I confront him it will just add more fuel to the fire anyways, since he thrives on stuff like this and gets sucked into drama whenever he has the chance. It's getting harder and harder to ignore it though, especially when me and her just got into a fight about how she confided stuff in him about one of our recent arguments. I told her point blank that I'm not okay with her talking to him about personal stuff in our relationship (especially when she gets relationship advice from a guy who hates the fact that we're together), but she just thought I was overreacting Will this ever let up, or should I just move on?

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:06 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!