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I posted about this a couple weeks ago, but I'm doing it again because I just feel like I need to talk, and maybe I'll get some answers too.

My girlfriend of a year a two months broke up with me on March 21st.

We had a good relationship, I was happy, I always enjoyed seeing her, we did all sorts of things together, talked almost daily. I felt like she was one of the best people I ever met; she was so many things I wasn't and she changed me for the better. She was my best friend. She was also my first serious relationship and my first long-term sexual relationship.

Then out of the blue, on that day, she tells me we need to talk. Tells me that we're at different stages of our lives, that she wants something more "serious," that it's not anything I did or could have changed but she's been doing some thinking, and decided this was for the best. But, she wanted to stay friends.

I was more or less OK with it for about two weeks and then I just fell apart. I had been talking to her that whole time, and then the one day I guess everything hit me and I broke down, and I have not felt normal since then. I've cried more in the last month than I ever have.

I've been pretty depressed for the last month or so. I'm not eating much or as regularly as I had been. I don't feel very excited about much of anything lately. Hell, I've even been talking to a couple girls that are interested in me but I just don't really care that much.

All I can think about is that I want her back. Seemingly everything reminds me of her. Hell, when the weather started getting nice, it made me think of last spring when we flew to Houston for my brother's wedding. While we were there we drove out to Galveston, walked the beach, had a great time. :( I went on a trip to Florida with my brother last week, we even visited the keys and did some other fun stuff, and I still felt awful most of the time because it was a trip I had wanted to take with HER.

Yes, I have been talking to her on a semi-regular basis since the breakup. I know everyone has told me not to talk to her but I just can't do it. I really don't have any close friends these days. She is still a good friend and she's been pretty supportive, and I feel better when I talk to her.

I talked to her online the other night when she was having some problems with her insecurity and was talking about how she wanted to be "wanted." Last weekend she told me she was sick of dating already. I asked her why she broke up with me if she wanted to be "wanted" and was sick of dating. She reiterated that we're at different stages of life. She says I'm a great guy, just not a great guy for her. Then later she said that I wouldn't respect her if she came back to me and said "I don't want to be alone." She said that the "easiest" thing would be for us to just "fall back in" but that that wouldn't be "good or healthy for either of us." Why? I want her back anyway, how would I not respect her? Why would it not be good to get back together???

I just don't understand. I don't understand how I'm supposed to feel about all this and I'm confused about the feelings I do have. I'm afraid I'll never meet anyone as good as her and I don't even know if I really want anyone else. I guess I need to have a talk with her to maybe try and clear things up but I'm not so sure if it'll make me feel any better.

This is just killing me. I'm not busy enough at work to keep my mind off it, and I've been trying to find things to do in the evenings because I can barely stand to be in my apartment, but that's still not helping all that much. I hate this.

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