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I have a 'friend' of about 7 years who, upon looking at why I feel so horrible when I am around her and on reading about abuse, I realize just how toxic she has been and I am now really disgusted. There's no question in my mind that the 'friendship' needs to end, it has to for my own health. This is a person who has talked down to me as if I am a child, blatantly ignored me while in her presence for what reason I have NO idea, lies to me about us doing mutual activities to get me to hang out with her and then hanging out with her turns into her acting/being moody and not talking to me to make me think she's mad at me and turns hanging out into me tagging along while she does all her errands. She also started dating this man who she brought along every time we hung out even after I asked her NOT to because all he would do was rage about every little thing and then one night when we were out we were supposed to go out to eat and both of them brought me to a town I was not familiar in. Neither of them would decide where we would go so he turned around to me and screamed at me and called me names because [I]I[/I] would not decide FOR them. She seemed to find this funny.

We soon had a falling out over all of those things and more (they both ruined my birthday by coming out to my college town after I asked her yet again not to bring him and then deciding to spend the whole day doing whatever they wanted and yelled at me for not driving out to a diner I didn't even want to go to, and my friend had her kid with her and she refused to bring him onto my campus with some paranoid reasoning about all the horrible kids on the campus mistreating her son). I tried to be an adult about it and told her I no longer wanted to be her friend and she threw back a ton of verbal abuse and said a lot of extremely horrible things. Things like how I will always be a virgin because I'm so ugly, how I deserved the abuse I had received from an ex-boyfriend of mine, a bunch of terrible names, how I will fail in life because I'm so stupid (mind you, I was the one going to college, not her), etc etc. It took me a really long time to even partially heal from those things and I obviously still remember them today.

She contacted me recently after all those years and apologized. It sounded genuine, didn't blame me for anything, admitted she said horrible things. I feel like an utter fool for believing any of the apology, because it's obvious she feels righteous over the maltreatment, is even more vicious and more passive-aggressive now, and she's made little statements here or there, little digs that shows that she actually holds all the verbal abuse she threw at me when I tried to end the friendship the last time to be truths in her head. I realized she really likes me when I'm having my own personal hardships, then seems to be seething and refuses to talk to me when I'm happy. I recently hung out twice when I've been home from college and both times things were just OFF, that gut feeling, not to mention actual things that happened. I'm finally done because of how horrible I was treated this last time by her. She also has a new boyfriend, who this last time drove the 3 of us to go out to eat at a place a half hour away and he screamed and swore at other drivers the entire time, which scares me horribly, and back at their apartment his dog was doing normal dog things (excited to see a new person) and this guy is BULKY and he grabbed the dog by its neck like it is a ragdoll and squished the dog's face into the floor and it yelped out in pain and he would not let go of it. I left, wanting to puke, and I have not talked to her since, and she has sent me a ton of happy-sounding apology emails, apology about 'being boring' but nothing to apologize for any of the wrongs. She just really seems to take absolute joy in my pain, and I KNOW for a FACT that she loves the pain of others as she's come right out and said it.

So yes, it absolutely NEEDS to end. The thing is that it cannot end like a normal friendship would end, right? I am too afraid of her to even just tell her I've lost interest or something along those lines, because it's quite obvious exactly how she will react (with a flood of verbal abuse). What do I do? Do I just abruptly cut it off for good? I'm moving soon to a temporary occupation in another state which I think will make things easier for me, but she is likely to try to exact revenge as I have seen her do it to others years after the fact.





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