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wow I'm a little surprised by your ages. From reading your post, I got the impression that the two of you were in your teens or twenties.......
A man of 50 something years old shouldn't still be shy.......I thought he was a gawky young teen from your description. At both of your ages you shouldn't be dragging this out like this! YES if you are interested in this man, I URGE you to be direct.....and who gives their address? Why not the phone number? This a little strange....maybe he's not interested?
[QUOTE=rosequartz;3584585]wow I'm a little surprised by your ages. From reading your post, I got the impression that the two of you were in your teens or twenties.......
A man of 50 something years old shouldn't still be shy.......I thought he was a gawky young teen from your description. At both of your ages you shouldn't be dragging this out like this! YES if you are interested in this man, I URGE you to be direct.....and who gives their address? Why not the phone number? This a little strange....maybe he's not interested?[/QUOTE]

I agree with Rosequartz on this one - as I first read your post, I thought both of you were young people, maybe even teenagers. And yes, I also find it very strange that he hasn't yet picked up the clues and takes so long to reply and react and makes himself so unreachable. I don't think that at his age he can afford to waste time, can he? Maybe he is a sort of recluse (an ex-priest? a foreigner?) and has never had the chance of "handling" women. Maybe he is not exactly shy but simply lacks the experience. He won't have it if he doesn't try. Yes, if I were in your shoes (and I think you sort of have feelings for him), I would be more straightforward. I would even ask him questions about his marital status, etc. What do you have to lose? If he keeps feigning ignorance, you would be better to move on.
Hi Krystal!! :D

Interesting story you mention here. This man's behavior is really confusing indeed. I agree with other posters, I thought that he was a shy awkward teen or guy in his early 20's or something! :shocked:

[B]With that said...[/B] I don't mean to rain on your parade or anything, but to me it seems like this guy is either:

-Not really single/available
-perhaps not straight
-just not that interested in you.

Sorry sweetie... :( :( Just by reading your posts it seems like YOU'RE the one bending over backwards and doing most of the pursuing of this man! Giving him your e-mail address...then your HOME address when he told you that he doesn't use computers much. Not only that, but [U]you're [/U]the one initiating the e-mails, and at one point I think you mentioned that he didn't even respond, so you e-mailed him yet AGAIN! Do you see a pattern here? Please have some dignity and don't initiate any further contact with this man. Let's see what steps he takes (if any) to come to you.

Also, no offense, but I don't really get the impression that this guy is that into you. :( Even most typical "shy guys" would have by now picked up the bait or would have at least asked for your phone number so that he can call you sometime IF he were interested. I've known even the shyest guys to at least let their interest be known in SOME way towards a woman, especially if she is friendly, open, approachable, and is showing interest of her own. You've done [B][U]MORE [/U][/B]than enough (IMO) to show your interest in him if you ask me. He would have taken a bite at your bait within a year if he was [I]really [/I]interested.

I know most people on this thread are telling you to "ask him out!" and pushing you to do "more" to show your interest, but I personally don't think you should do anything further with him. If he's interested, he has your e-mail just like you have his. If his e-mails are short and brief and he's not asking YOU any questions, then it seems like he's just e-mailing you back to be nice, and not because he's really interested.

His apparent "shy" behavior may actually be a sign that he knows that you're interested, but doesnt' quite feel the same way...OR is in a relationship with someone else right now and can't do anything about his attraction to you (if he has any attraction to begin with). This guy was not "too shy" to help you (a stranger) with your bike's flat tire. So....why would he be "too shy" to send even a small e-mail?? ESPECIALLY if you've been e-mailing him?

Personally Krystal....don't ask him if you can e-mail him and if it's "okay". No way. That shows a lack of confidence number one. [B]However,[/B]if you are going to continue e-mailing him, just keep doing what you've been doing by keeping your e-mails short, brief, and light hearted. Except, in the future I would ask him more questions about himself to draw him out. You know, perhaps ask him how he's been doing, how he likes where he is living now, what he's been doing for fun/in his spare time, how's work coming along, etc. I know for me personally, if someone doesn't ask me a question or anything in their e-mail, at times I won't be sure if the person wanted me to respond or not.

But trust 50 years old...I really don't think this man is "shy". Reserved or perhaps even hurt at a past romantic failure, but shy?? I don't think so. :(

Sorry if I sounded blunt, but I have been in this situation (sort of) before, and from my own past experiences I've learned:

-Most men are usually not THAT shy (even if they're interested you will somehow get a feeling or a word from someone that he's interested in you)
-Most men will make some kind of move (even if he's stumbling over his words/is calling you and hanging up after he hears your voice) if he is truly interested in you.

Krystal...don't settle for less! You deserve a man to pursue you! Plus, do you really want a [U]grown [/U]man who is too shy to even show a woman that he's interested in her? :confused:

I sent him a letter a few days ago and included my phone number. I basically said that I do care about how he is and I wasn't sure if my correspondence is making him feel stressed. I also said if he doesn't want me to contact him its okay to tell me, I will respect his decision. I kept it basic and will see if I get a response or not.

If I don't receive a response I will have to move on. There is something about him that I like but also I can't wait around forever.

What I don't understand is why he gave me his home address to write to and then when I write , no response.

Sweet Chic..

I understand what you are saying. I have no idea of course if he is involved, reserved , poor romantic relations in the past or just not interested.

I haven't asked him questions because I figured if he is shy or reserved, I didn't want to push him. But at the same time if I don't ask he may think I don't want a response or not interested in how he is doing, what he's been up to. Plus I won't get the answers I may need. It is indeed confusing.

I forgot to add something that I remembered after I sent him this most recent letter.. in one of my past letters or emails I did include my phone number. I have call display and every few months I would received a blocked call. When I answered, said hello, the person would hang up. This occurred not long after I sent him the letter or email with my phone number. I never received these type of calls before. These calls have stopped in the past few months. Coincidence I don't know.

When I gave him my email, he is the only one who has this particular email address. I switched to another internet provider and was in the process of setting up two email addresses. At the time no one else had this particular email. Anyways he is originally from Europe (he told me that briefly when we saw each other in person at the deli) although he's been in the country for a long time. When I first started emailing him, approximately a month later I suddenly started receiving emails from a company in the country he lived in advertising for tours. I checked it out and it said I had 'subscribed' for these newsletters which I never did. The company is based in the country he lived in and prices they advertise in that countries currency.

Now once again this could be coincidence and may mean nothing but I don't know. Just seems strange that the emails from this company are from his country of origin and that I didn't sign up for these.
I have to agree that his lack of response is most likely not shyness but rather disinterest. I'm surprised that you've been chasing him for such a long time. I know you sent him this latest letter, but personally, I'd have written him off a long time ago when he wasn't responding for so long! You're putting way too much effort into something that is not being reciprocated. He doesn't respond for months, and when he does reply, it's totally general and not at all interested in anything about you or what you have to say, and it just sounds like he doesn't care about it. So my best advice to you would be just to forget about this guy because he sounds totally disinterested.
[QUOTE=Krystal1234;3599566]He is originally from Scotland. Not sure exactly what attracts me to him. Maybe it is the mystery of it. Hard to describe.

True he could be disinterested. I figure after this latest letter if I don't receive a response I will have to move on. I know any past responses from him are not immediate.

[B]I just find it strange he would give me his address and zip code(after saying he is not fond of computers) and when I do send a letter to his home address he doesn't reply[/B].[/QUOTE]

Hmm...that [I]does [/I]sound confusing doesn't it? Well....I can't read this guy's mind, but my gut is telling me that perhaps he gave you his home address so that he wouldn't look like a complete jerk when he didn't give you his e-mail address. THere have been times when a guy asked me for my number and e-mail point blank. I gave it to him (albeit, I tried making the excuse that I didn't have a pen and paper at the time), but my heart wasn't into it. When he WOULD call/e-mail me, I would respond a few times just to be nice, but I think towards the end he eventually got the hint that I just wasn't interested in him like he was in me. :( Plus...he was coming on waaaay too strong!! :mad:

Most guys won't totally blow you off since they know how hard it is to be rejected. Guys take rejection harder than girls. So, it's very rare that I've seen a guy completely blow off a woman...especially if she seems nice and well-intentioned.

I think the fact that he didn't ask you for [I]your [/I]phone number says a lot in itself. And the fact that when you DID mail him a letter (with your number in it btw) he didn't respond....nor did he call you. Ummmm, HUGE!!! That's a big red sign to me.

Romantic "relationships" shouldn't be this much work. If it's feeling like "work", then maybe it's just not meant to be. :( Sorry....again, I don't like to be a pessimist, but my gut is telling me that this guy is probably not interested in you. I think the sooner you leave him alone, the faster you'll meet some other guys who [B][U]ARE [/U][/B]interested in you, and aren't afraid to show it! :D

Besides...who knows?? Maybe this European guy [I]could [/I]be interested in you, but the fact that you keep pursuing HIM is turning him off a bit. I don't know....could be a thought... :confused:
[QUOTE=lemondrop;3601176][I]I just find it strange he would give me his address and zip code(after saying he is not fond of computers) and when I do send a letter to his home address he doesn't reply.[/I]

Oh please...I've had guys give me their phone number (which I never asked for), tell me to call them, and never return my call. [B] It's like, if you weren't into me enough to call me back, why did you even give me your number in the first place?[/QUOTE][/B]

Exactly!! past experience has taught me that when a guy is REALLY interested, more than likely he will ask for YOUR number instead of just giving you his. He'll be more interested in calling YOU instead of leaving things up to chance with you calling him.

If a guy gives you his number and tells you to call him, either he's REALLY afraid of rejection, OR (more plausible) he is not adverse to you calling him, but he's not gung-ho or totally smitten by you. Just my two cents.... :o can correct me if I'm wrong! lol :D
sweet chic and lemondrop I understand what you are saying in regards to giving phone numbers, guy not calling etc.

In my original post I wrote this..

I asked if sometime we could chat and he said its okay. I gave him my email address. He said he doesn't like computers that much.. so I also gave him my home address. At the time he gave me his email addy.

I emailed him once about a week later because I was busy with work etc. He didn't respond. I waited awhile, maybe three to four weeks later, emailed again. About a month and half later he responded. He had broken his arm and visiting relatives. His email was quite short said he glad I was fine and enjoying my summer.

I replied back maybe a few weeks later, no response again. Finally few months later I decided to try once more. At the end of my email I asked him if its okay with you I will eventually send you another email.

More time passed, no response for at least a month and half, then finally he wrote me. He gave me his home address and zip code. Once again his email was very brief. Nothing in the letter about himself. Responded to whatever I wrote which was short.

I assumed since he is not fond of computers he gave me his home addy to write to him which I did. And once again no response for a long time now.

I realize with the lack of responses or long time in responding could be a sign he is not interested, reserved, or pursuit is turning him off.

I would rather him be upfront with me and say no contact. I mean why give me your address if your not going to correspond. I know some guys can and will do that but I guess it ticks me off.

With his past responses they have been slow. I am going to slowly move on and if I don't hear from him I will cease contact.
Krystal, seriously....I would give up on him. Saying he's not "particularly uncomfortable" is NOT the same as, "Hey yea, write me all the time!!" It's totally, totally different!

I'm telling you, I'm TELLING you, the guy is not interested!! You need to just quit trying so hard and find a guy who WILL be interested. Please, please, for the sake of your own sanity, just stop trying to get this guy to do anything or be anything else because he is totally and completely not interested in you.

Can't you tell by what he wrote? I mean, you just told him you had surgery and he wasn't even the least bit concerned!! If he cared about you at all, since you've given him your number in past letters, he would have been on the phone with you as soon as he read that to make sure you're ok. But the fact that he sent you such a LAME and COLD response makes it very clear that he's just not interested.
Pendulum and Kszan,

I understand what you are saying.

I wasn't sure about the 'I'm not particularly uncomfortable at receiving your letters'. When I first read that line I thought hmmm... is there an underlining meaning, understatement to those words as in I am not interested or I'm uncomfortable.

Yes I will give up. No point in trying to contact someone who doesn't seem interested or share similar feelings. I feel like I'm doing all the work.

Thanks for telling me. I think I have sensed it all along but needed to here it from others.

Sometimes when you read a letter its hard to decipher but someone else can see underlining words, statememts etc.
I think that even if he comes crawling back and starts contacting you after you start ignoring him that you should not respond. And since all you ever get back is letters and he's not capable of using a telephone, then all you need to do is throw the letter away.

It's true that some guys only become interested when you start ignoring them. HOWEVER, that being said, it doesn't mean that you should give him another chance after he has been essentially ignoring you this whole time. It sounds like if there were to ever have anything develop that you'd be doing all of the work anyway and he'd just be sitting back and waiting for you to contact him all the time. And that would be a really crappy relationship. Which is why I still think you should move on, regardless of what he may do in the future, because he is way too unreliable!
[QUOTE=Krystal1234;3611416]Thank you everyone for your help and insight.

I am giving up on him. And even if did contact me after ignoring him, not responding to his letter, I don't want to get involved because it would likely be the same, me doing all the work.[/QUOTE]

GOOD for you Krystal! :D

This guy was just not interested in you. There was no "underlying message" in that letter he sent you. NOTHING whatsoever. IF he really wanted to get in touch with you, he would have CALLED you at some point or another, OR he would have been the one [U]initiating [/U]contact with YOU. There is a BIG difference.

OF course no guy is going to say: "Stop mailing me letters you creep!" Anyone would be kind of insensitive to say that to someone. But I agree with the poster that said that his "cold" demeanor towards your having surgery said it all.

Plus, this guy is (from what I understand), not even living in the same area that you live in anymore! And he hasn't invited you to come visit him, nor has he he made strides to come visit YOU. Again...BIG sign! I agree with the poster who said that he may even be married. Who knows??

So he wasn't intereseted....[B]SO WHAT[/B]?? There are plenty of other guys out there that really deserve you Krystal.

IF he did contact you again, I wouldn't even respond. OR, if I did respond, it would be very brief, and to the point like his other responses. :o

Good riddance to this dude! He seems like he would have been resting on his laurels the entire relationship anyway.

Bottom line: When a guy is TRULY interested in a girl, he will do things/go out of his way to impress the girl in some way. [U]Especially [/U]in the beginning stages of the relationship. This guy wasn't putting out any effort at all.

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