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I'm 20 years old, and I have this boyfriend I've been seeing for 2 months. We haven't agreed to be serious or anything.

But, I have a brother who's almost like a twin brother to me because he's only 11 months older than me, my poor mom, lol.

Anyway, I've seen my brother go through a few girlfriends. I've only seen him really kiss, and I mean kiss them like he means it, if he's extremely in love with a girl. That's the only time I've seen him kiss them like he really means it. (I know he does in front of me, yuck)

My point is, my new bofriend kisses me like that. So does that mean he's really, really in love with me and hasn't told me, or not?

Guys, do you really, really kiss, I mean really get into it, only if you're in love with a girl? Or not?

We've all heard that older Cher song, "It's in His Kiss". Help me with this, is it true?
I'm not a guy but, I can surely tell you .. there is a difference in the way a man kisses you when he LOVES you, or when he is in LUST with you.
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3583798]

Guys, do you really, really kiss, I mean really get into it, only if you're in love with a girl? Or not?

We've all heard that older Cher song, "It's in His Kiss". Help me with this, is it true?[/QUOTE]

No, Not True....I am a man who has been in love and in lust, the kiss of passion is the same. Only difference is the person who wants love feels love in my kiss while the person who wants passion feels passion.
Purely physical attraction is the easiest thing in the world for a guy to do, but for women, there's a lot more emotion and feelings involved. So, I wouldn't trust the way he kisses you to be your answer. I would instead notice how he treats you, whether or not he is respectful and caring and helpful, etc. If he treats you really well and if he makes you happy and doesn't make you feel like crap (like so many of these other women who post on here), then there's your answer. But don't listen to Cher, she's totally full of it.

Bottom line is that a guy can be very physically attracted to a woman but have no feelings for her otherwise. That's why it's a lot easier for a guy to handle a friends with benefits situation, because he doesn't get emotionally involved with a woman the way a woman does after sleeping with a guy.
You're saying you can be insanely attracted to a girl, and that doesn't make you fall in love at all? Your level of attraction has nothing at all to do with love?

How do I explain what I've seen with my brother? He doesn't go around kissing girls he's only physically attracted to like that, unless it's behind closed doors because I don't see it. And I'm not in love, not yet. I was just wondering if he was. He also smiles at me a lot and it looks like a love smile.

What's the difference between the love kiss and the passion kiss?

Can you give me some indicators of a guy who's in love?
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3583980]You're saying you can be insanely attracted to a girl, and that doesn't make you fall in love at all? Your level of attraction has nothing at all to do with love?

How do I explain what I've seen with my brother? He doesn't go around kissing girls he's only physically attracted to like that, unless it's behind closed doors because I don't see it. And I'm not in love, not yet. I was just wondering if he was. He also smiles at me a lot and it looks like a love smile.

What's the difference between the love kiss and the passion kiss?

Can you give me some indicators of a guy who's in love?[/QUOTE]

First of all, I must say your post made me feel old!! LOL :D Cher's "old" version of the Shoop Shoop song actuall was a remake of a hit that came out around the time I was born in the mid 1960s by a singer named Betty Everett. BUT...I digress...

It is just a song, after all. I think many men are different. Some men can't kiss a girl passionately if he's not in love with her, some men can feel nothing at all but simple, primal animal attraction and kiss her very passionately. The truth is, you CAN'T really tell if a man truly loves you just by how he kisses you. The most important thing to pay attention to is how he TREATS you. Does he call when he says he will? Does he keep his promises? Is he NOT ok with disappointing you? Does he care when you get mad? Does he treat you with respect and honor? Does he tell you the truth or does he lie, for any reason? Does he do what he says he will, when he says he will? Does he make you a priority? These are the things that are most important when trying to determine whether a man loves you or not.
As I've already posted, your best indicator of whether or not a guy is in love with you is how he treats you. It's the little things that make you feel like he really cares about you that matter. You really can't tell just by how he kisses you, that really has nothing to do with it. I'm not sure where you got that idea, but it really doesn't have anything to do with it. As you get older, you'll understand this concept.

It almost sounds as if you're worried that he feels more strongly about you than you do about him, is that why you're asking?
Physical attraction has nothing to do with love. Like Kszan said, it's in his treatment of you.

I've had great sex with a guy who really had no feelings for me whatsoever. I know that now because of how I was last on his list of things (work, friends, etc.). Being young I thought he must love me, or at least like me, but no. The moment he found a girl he did like I was yesterday's news.

So it is more about how he treats you. Does he make the effort to make you feel special? Does he respect you and your opinions?
[QUOTE=Kszan;3583997]As I've already posted, your best indicator of whether or not a guy is in love with you is how he treats you. It's the little things that make you feel like he really cares about you that matter. You really can't tell just by how he kisses you, that really has nothing to do with it. I'm not sure where you got that idea, but it really doesn't have anything to do with it. As you get older, you'll understand this concept.

It almost sounds as if you're worried that he feels more strongly about you than you do about him, is that why you're asking?[/QUOTE]

Yes, I think he's in love with me. He may not be, but I think he is. He's made comments, like "you have the cutest little nose". I've had another guy make the same comment to me who was in love with me. And he said it early on, just like this one. And the way he smiles at me makes me think so too.
[QUOTE=happymom28;3584033]Physical attraction has nothing to do with love. Like Kszan said, it's in his treatment of you.

I've had great sex with a guy who really had no feelings for me whatsoever. I know that now because of how I was last on his list of things (work, friends, etc.). Being young I thought he must love me, or at least like me, but no. The moment he found a girl he did like I was yesterday's news.

So it is more about how he treats you. Does he make the effort to make you feel special? Does he respect you and your opinions?[/QUOTE]

I totally understand what you're saying. I had a guy like that years ago, but didn't sleep with him even though he tried to get me too, and I got rid of him fast. I was too young to just "see" a guy. He did kiss me a lot, but it was only when he thought he was going to get sex at the time he was kissing me. I just feel like I have an inside scoop on guys because of my brother. I know he's not all guys. Maybe I see him kiss the "in love" girls because he kisses them with no sex involved. Naturally, I wouldn't see the others, yuck, lol.

I guess what I'm looking for are the early indicators of love, when a guy doesn't want to admit it. Or even if the guy himself doesn't know it yet. I'm not really looking for after the relationship is serious.

Do guys kiss girls passionately just to kiss them, even when there's not immediate sex happening, if it's not love?
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3584051]
Do guys kiss girls passionately just to kiss them, even when there's not immediate sex happening, if it's not love?[/QUOTE]

Some do, sure. Why not?
Ok, what about the "you have the cutest little nose" comment?

It's the same comment early on made by another guy who was in love with me. ??
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3584067]Ok, what about the "you have the cutest little nose" comment?

It's the same comment early on made by another guy who was in love with me. ??[/QUOTE]

Again, I think it's a mistake to put too much stock in the "sweet nothings" like that. the only thing that really matters is how he treats you and how you feel around him. I knew a man who supposedly was "hot" for me and gushed over how beautiful, talented and such I was, blah blah blah. But he never followed through on his word, didn't really listen to me when I talked, broke important promises to me, etc. So not only did he never have any real "love" for me, he wasn't even what I could honestly call any kind of real friend. It's not in the kiss, it's not in the sweet nothings. How good a friend is he? That's where it's at.
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3584067]Ok, what about the "you have the cutest little nose" comment?

It's the same comment early on made by another guy who was in love with me. ??[/QUOTE]

Just because one guy meant it one way doesn't necessarily mean the next guy will mean it that way. Does that make sense?

It's so hard to find any clear cut indicator of love because every guy is different. How one guy shows is affection could be completely different than the next.
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3583980]You're saying you can be insanely attracted to a girl, and that doesn't make you fall in love at all? Your level of attraction has nothing at all to do with love?

How do I explain what I've seen with my brother? He doesn't go around kissing girls he's only physically attracted to like that, unless it's behind closed doors because I don't see it. And I'm not in love, not yet. I was just wondering if he was. He also smiles at me a lot and it looks like a love smile.

What's the difference between the love kiss and the passion kiss?

Can you give me some indicators of a guy who's in love?[/QUOTE]

Love and Sex are two different things.....so please dont confuse a man who wants and enjoys sex with you as him loving you.....this is the worlds greatest problem I think. People confuse sex with love or substitute love for sex.

I am physically attracted to Janet Jackson and would probably kiss her like there is no tomorrow if given the chance but I dont love her....I dont even know her.....
[QUOTE=dacoga19;3583798]I'm 20 years old, and I have this boyfriend I've been seeing for 2 months. We haven't agreed to be serious or anything.

But, I have a brother who's almost like a twin brother to me because he's only 11 months older than me, my poor mom, lol.

Anyway, I've seen my brother go through a few girlfriends. I've only seen him really kiss, and I mean kiss them like he means it, if he's extremely in love with a girl. That's the only time I've seen him kiss them like he really means it. (I know he does in front of me, yuck)

My point is, my new bofriend kisses me like that. So does that mean he's really, really in love with me and hasn't told me, or not?

Guys, do you really, really kiss, I mean really get into it, only if you're in love with a girl? Or not?

We've all heard that older Cher song, "It's in His Kiss". Help me with this, is it true?[/QUOTE]
You can't trust anything most men do, learn this now, it will save you a lot of pain in the long run. Men think differently than we do, we analyze everything and they mostly think about themselves. We run and post on place like here (myself included) they bottle everything up. The way they treat you is more important than a kiss, some even treat you great and break your heart anyway.. I wish you the best..Yes, I'm somewhat bitter right now lol..
[QUOTE=heartbroken37;3584858]You can't trust anything most men do, learn this now, it will save you a lot of pain in the long run. Men think differently than we do, we analyze everything and they mostly think about themselves. We run and post on place like here (myself included) they bottle everything up. The way they treat you is more important than a kiss, some even treat you great and break your heart anyway.. I wish you the best..Yes, I'm somewhat bitter right now lol..[/QUOTE]

Well, this may sound like embittered rantings, but there really is a lot of truth to it. Women seem to really get caught up in a lot of misguided thinking, that if you love him well enough, do this that and the other for him, then he should love you and it just doesn't work like that. I must say, I'm a little miffed right now myself because I saw the Andromeda Strain last night, and Benjamin Bratt's character had an ex-wife who was supposedly mentally unstable and bitter and angry because he left her and took up again with the fellow scientist he had loved all along. I just thought it was written poorly, but I do get miffed at the attitude of "hey, he just didn't love you, get over it." when it really isn't that easy. I've only loved one person and it turned out badly, and had I known what I was getting into I never would have even gone out with him at all, let alone allowed myself to fall in love with him. But after promises were made, declarations were made, etc. you still can't trust that he loves you, or that he will love you tomorrow, or that he even knows what love is. As the love of my life kissed me off with a phone call he almost didn't even make, I did the stupid weak woman thing, and said "but you said you loved me" and he said "I thought I did but I was wrong." Even the words, professed passionately and meaningfully, can't be counted on, much less a kiss.

Love means great risk. And because it involves another person's free will, you can't control it at all. the person you thought was the one person in the whole wide world you could count on and trust, the one person who would never hurt you or let you down, can be the very person to choose to walk away and never look back and not even care how much it kills you. That's just the nature of love. You can't go into it measuring kisses and rating hugs or how many flowers you get for Valentine's day. All you can do is be the you that makes you the most proud, and find someone who seems to really appreciate that, and enjoy what it offers without building your whole world around it, so you'll be ok if it suddenly disappears tomorrow. Love is, I think, one of the cruelest jokes God played on us mortals. We spend our whole lives hoping for it, wanting it, needing it, searching for it, trying to hold onto it, it's the greatest gift of life, nothing in this world, nothing this life has to offer can compare to the true lvoe of a trustworthy companion, but very few of us actually get to have it or keep it long. It's amazing, but you can't trust it. you can only trust yourself. So don't worry about what his kiss says. Enjoy the passionate kiss for what it is, but don't consider it a promise. Even a marriage license is little more than a pie crust promise, easily made, easily broken, and even a marriage often becomes, as Dr. Phil says, "just something you did for a while." Part of becoming a mature, stable, strong, independent grown up is coming to terms with that fact.
Larrylou's Mom, you're so brilliant and so wise, I just can't believe that you've had such rotten luck with men! You truly understand human nature in a way that few other people have managed to do! And I just wanted to say that all of the guys who left you or decided they weren't interested, they really missed out on a great lady. It's THEIR loss! And I hope best wishes for you because you deserve happiness in your life!!

And so back to the original question about the kissing thing. I have to agree with what everyone else has already posted. Kissing has nothing to do with it. I have had "friends with benefits" who kissed me more passionately and lovingly than several of my ex boyfriends and it had nothing to do with love, but everything to do with lust. It's just like Dynobot posted. I would absolutely kiss Johnny Depp with all of the passion in the world, but I certainly don't love the guy. I don't know him at all, but I think he's hot and awesome and an amazing actor and I'd love to kiss him! But not for love, just because he's hot and it appears he's a really good kisser from what I've seen in the movies.

I think you probably have a lot to learn about love and relationships dacoga19 before you can really understand how these things really work. It's a lot more complicated than the current level at which your thinking about it. It goes a lot deeper than that. I just hope that you can eventually learn this for yourself before you get hurt for assuming a guy meant one thing when he really meant something completely different.
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3586295]Well, this may sound like embittered rantings, but there really is a lot of truth to it. Women seem to really get caught up in a lot of misguided thinking, that if you love him well enough, do this that and the other for him, then he should love you and it just doesn't work like that. I must say, I'm a little miffed right now myself because I saw the Andromeda Strain last night, and Benjamin Bratt's character had an ex-wife who was supposedly mentally unstable and bitter and angry because he left her and took up again with the fellow scientist he had loved all along. I just thought it was written poorly, but I do get miffed at the attitude of "hey, he just didn't love you, get over it." when it really isn't that easy. I've only loved one person and it turned out badly, and had I known what I was getting into I never would have even gone out with him at all, let alone allowed myself to fall in love with him. But after promises were made, declarations were made, etc. you still can't trust that he loves you, or that he will love you tomorrow, or that he even knows what love is. As the love of my life kissed me off with a phone call he almost didn't even make, I did the stupid weak woman thing, and said "but you said you loved me" and he said "I thought I did but I was wrong." Even the words, professed passionately and meaningfully, can't be counted on, much less a kiss.

Love means great risk. And because it involves another person's free will, you can't control it at all. the person you thought was the one person in the whole wide world you could count on and trust, the one person who would never hurt you or let you down, can be the very person to choose to walk away and never look back and not even care how much it kills you. That's just the nature of love. You can't go into it measuring kisses and rating hugs or how many flowers you get for Valentine's day. All you can do is be the you that makes you the most proud, and find someone who seems to really appreciate that, and enjoy what it offers without building your whole world around it, so you'll be ok if it suddenly disappears tomorrow. Love is, I think, one of the cruelest jokes God played on us mortals. We spend our whole lives hoping for it, wanting it, needing it, searching for it, trying to hold onto it, it's the greatest gift of life, nothing in this world, nothing this life has to offer can compare to the true lvoe of a trustworthy companion, but very few of us actually get to have it or keep it long. It's amazing, but you can't trust it. you can only trust yourself. So don't worry about what his kiss says. Enjoy the passionate kiss for what it is, but don't consider it a promise. Even a marriage license is little more than a pie crust promise, easily made, easily broken, and even a marriage often becomes, as Dr. Phil says, "just something you did for a while." Part of becoming a mature, stable, strong, independent grown up is coming to terms with that fact.[/QUOTE]


WOW larry'smom, that blew me away..you always say to the point and how it is an that was exactly how it is..i'm going to save what u just said as i'm going through a tough time at the moment, from a break up which endd with me questioning all those kisses and i love you's..hence why ur words make sooo muc sense.
Thank you..
emma
I hope its not in the kiss! Otherwise I'm in a world of trouble ;) Beautifully put Larry Lou's Mama. Although it sucks to find out the hard way that the only forsure thing in life is yourself and heck we all know your bound to let yourself down a time or two as well.
Thanks I'm glad you found something relateable in my post. I, like most of us, of course had to learn it all the hard way, boy howdy. And even I have yet to find out if I can actually put my theory into practice, since I haven't been in any relationships since that one that ended so badly. BUT I have dated a lot since then, and it does get much much easier to go out on a date and just have fun for what it is and if he never calls or drops off the face of the earth or gives you the "just no connection" speech, it's totally ok.
[QUOTE=Bracelet;3586526]Larrylou's Mom, you're so brilliant and so wise, I just can't believe that you've had such rotten luck with men! You truly understand human nature in a way that few other people have managed to do! And I just wanted to say that all of the guys who left you or decided they weren't interested, they really missed out on a great lady. It's THEIR loss! And I hope best wishes for you because you deserve happiness in your life!!

And so back to the original question about the kissing thing. I have to agree with what everyone else has already posted. Kissing has nothing to do with it. I have had "friends with benefits" who kissed me more passionately and lovingly than several of my ex boyfriends and it had nothing to do with love, but everything to do with lust. It's just like Dynobot posted. I would absolutely kiss Johnny Depp with all of the passion in the world, but I certainly don't love the guy. I don't know him at all, but I think he's hot and awesome and an amazing actor and I'd love to kiss him! But not for love, just because he's hot and it appears he's a really good kisser from what I've seen in the movies.

I think you probably have a lot to learn about love and relationships dacoga19 before you can really understand how these things really work. It's a lot more complicated than the current level at which your thinking about it. It goes a lot deeper than that. I just hope that you can eventually learn this for yourself before you get hurt for assuming a guy meant one thing when he really meant something completely different.[/QUOTE]


You say you'd kiss Johnny Depp like crazy, and you don't even know him. But...if he wanted to date you, would you be "in love" with him? I would say that answer would be yes. So, he's someone you know you "could" and "would" be in love with.

Larry's mom, your post sounds so wise, and it seems to be the best advice, so thank you.

However, my post isn't really meant to be that deep. It's just a question about a fun relationship, and about a guy that I'm seeing, and we like each other. I was wondering if he's in love with me. I enjoy the relationship, but could walk away from it because I'm very young.


I'm sorry to her anyone has suffered so much heartbreak over a guy. I'm a tough one to fall in love. I've seen too much about guys and everything they do from my brother. So a guy would have to prove himself to me for a couple of years before I'd fall. If a guy says he loves me, I'm immediately rolling my eyes to myself thinking, "right, and you're going to be sleeping with another girl behind my back in a couple of weeks, lol". So I really view men quite sarcastically because of my brother. I don't see them as something to depend on, or count on. And I usually don't believe things they say.

I think nonverbal clues, like kissing and smiles are more truthful than actual words and tell a more truthful story. But you're right, there's really no way to be sure. I'm really not wondering if he wants to marry me, and be the perfect guy forever and ever.

I'm just wondering right now, at this particular point in time, if he seems to be in love with me. There's no way for me to tell this early in the relationship if I'm a "priority" and all that. "Priority" can have so many meanings. Like, does he say he can't go out when I want to go out, no, he always goes. And he asks me also, and calls me and all that. I've never known him not to do something he says he's going to do, but again our relationship is only in the beginnings, and we're very young, so that's where it's at right now. We've always been with friends when we've gone out, except 2 times when we went out alone.
Here's my two cents:

If this guy is putting that much time into you and tell you cute little things about your nose and spending the time to kiss you passionately when there is no sex yet involved, then obviously he is very into you. He might be in love, or he might be heading that way. I think it goes back to the effort-a guy would not be making such an effort with a girl whom he did not feel strongly for, just as you probably would not be trying as hard to figure this out, if you felt as strongly for him as he does for you.

As far as the kissing thing goes, I'm probably the only one to agree with Cher and the others who sang that song, but I think there's something to that. My boyfriend kisses me, no matter where we are, and the world stops for us. A lot of people say that sex is "making love," but really when my bf kisses me, he is truly making love to me then. He kisses me deeply and holds me tenderly. No one has ever kissed me like he has before and both my boyfriend and I agree that we've "never felt like this with anyone else."

I give my boyfriend such a hard time sometimes by picking stupid fights, but when he pulls me into his arms and holds me, even when he's NOT kissing me, I feel that he loves me, even when I am undeserving of that love. Sometimes, when I tell him I love him he'll say "I know." Teasingly, I'll say, "Oh yeah, how?" and quite often he says, "because of the way you kiss me. I feel that your love."

But there's other things too. Love isn't just a physical thing... very quickly can the tender loving kisses turn into the kind of kisses where hands are all over each other and your passion has turned from love to lust as well. I think a lot of guys use the "sweet kissing" to get what they want out of girls, especially when they're kissing girls who are young and are maybe a bit naive.

I think the beauty of my boyfriend's kisses are that I always feel desired. I can tell he wants me, and not just in a sexual way. If a guy is kissing you and really taking the time time to love you, without the promise of anything sexual in return, then I believe that he really does care about you. UNLESS he's a scum wad who is just using those feelings to get what he wants... it's a tricky situation. Try not to base everything on kissing or physical stuff. The guys you date should be AMAZING, and the kissing should just be a stellar bonus.

Good luck.





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