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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Being in a relationship is hard enough but when there is an ex that knows how to pull the strings on the man is just plain out ridiculous. It is time he grows a pair and just puts it out simple to her in black and white. She wanted to move on and now he is also. She has no control, even w/ the kids, he can get the maximum visitation and there is nothing she can do, child support can only go so high, it involves the courts choice not hers, so with that in mind she has nothing. The sooner he realizes that the better he will be.

I see many ex's that use many games and yet for some reason I see men/women falling right into them. You will most likely never get the respect from her, but I would just let that go and if your relationship is as what you said, you two will be partners and that includes the children. The children were already involved prior and they know you, so why keep the distance now? He can not control her life and what she does anymore than she can his. People can not pick and chose who their ex will be with and of course a high percentage of them never approve of who they chose to be with and it has nothing to do w/ who the person really is. This woman reminds me of the type that "she don't want him, but she wants no one else to have him in case she gets bored and lonely for awhile."

I agree baggage can be very hard, but it can work out in the end. If you two decide to have a child together, that child will not be put 2ND as many seem to think, that is the child he will spend day in and day out with(well as long as your together),But, also remember at the same time it will never make you any more superior either, its not about children competition it is about the true value as a family and by what you say he had that value and his ex chose another road. If he loves you as he expressed then the love he shares with you will help heal the pain that she has caused.

I agree w/ the taking it one day at a time. When he vents about what his ex is doing just listen, don't give your input as to what he should do, just ask him if he is going to let her control him as she did in the marriage and now after the divorce, again "grow a pair".....If he doesn't react to her games then eventually she will give up. I see many step parents that the children have more respect for than the actual parent due to the fact in some cases there is no games to be played and the children like that instead of being pulled into the games that ex's play to one another by using the children.

Just be yourself and remember, it isn't about if your a better mother figure it is about what you will accept and won't and to be yourself and to not stoop to any of the games she wants to play on you. Yes, you are a part of these children's lives, but as of right now until you two are living together or get married you are just dads g/f. The fine line of playing the step parent should also be discussed so you know your boundaries ahead of time. You are doing the right thing with ignoring her. I believe that all parents should have the right to meet the new addition(step parent figure), but just remember that doesn't mean she has to accept you. You might want to save all those messages when the ex leaves them for you, only yours though, in might come in handy on her next game and the lawyers or judges might find them interesting. Always keep your guard up.

Just make sure you have both eyes wide open and make sure this is what you want, beings it is a package deal....

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