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Hi Everyone,

I posted on here a long time ago about my mom, whom I love more than anyone else in the world. That being said, she's the one person in this world that tortures me more than anyone else, and I need to know if I'm doing something wrong and what I can do about it.

I live 3.5 hours from my parents. I had a great relationship with them growing up, but my mother has always been VERY controlling and I really felt like moving was a chance to start my own life and not live for her anymore. I am now married, have a fantastic job and a beautiful house. My husband and I are planning to have kids soon and are getting a dog this summer. I joined community theater and got the lead in our last play. Basically, life couldn't be much better.

However, every time I talk to my mother (I know she's hurting and try to call as much as I can...a few times a week) I know she's mad that I moved away. It's a constant guilt trip about not being around for family events. She also constantly references how she's going to be left alone when my father dies (She's 56, he's 52) and how we (my sister and I) won't be around to take care of her and help her when she needs us. I can't talk about my plays, because she's hurt that I'm having fun so far away. I can't talk about the dog because she thinks it will mean I come home less often (which is about once a month). Basically, I get a knot in my stomach every time I talk to her because I know I'm going to hurt her with something I say. I also hate bringing my husband home because I'm trying to protect him from her, if that makes any sense. Despite the fact that I try to hide all of this from him, he resents her for making me cry so much and for being so moody every time we see her.

So the thing I realized today is that I'm acting out of guilt. That's the main reason I went home for Easter...I knew she'd be devestated if I didn't come and I'd feel guilty. I call her because I feel guilty. I avoid topics so I don't feel guilty. Why am I not calling her because I want to? Why do I feel so guilty about everything and how can I let that go to live a normal life? Short of moving within 20 minutes of her, I don't know that she'll ever be happy again. AND, even if I did, I still think she'd be trying to control me. I've told her all of this (in different words), but she thinks the problem is all from me moving and abandoning her.

Any help would be appreciated. This is really ruining me.

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