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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi everyone, I have been dating a great guy for the past few weeks. I met him a few months ago and really got to know him before we decided to date exclusively. I am 29 and he is 32. We get along really well and he has been great to me. I've met almost all his friends and I've met his parents, who seem to really like me. Anyways, we have discussed our previous relationships with each other in the past, but I tried not to ask too many questions before because I didn't want to be too nosy and because I didn't want to be weirded out by anything he told me.

He is a pretty open individual so the things I've learned about his past girlfriends are usually volunteered information from him. In total he told me he's had about 10 or 11 girlfriends and has been intimate with about 13 women, so basically those other women were not "serious" relationships. (more of the casual hook-up, you could say) Anyways, when he first told me this number, I was kinda shocked because my number kinda pales in comparison to his - I have been with less than half that.

Anyways, I learned yesterday some new details of prior girlfriends and also about some of the more "friends with benefits" women in his past. Some of the stuff did kinda get me insecure and I asked him what he would do if those women from his past (aka the booty call ones) were to call him up now. He told me he would tell them he has a girlfriend now and is committed to me. He tells me that that's all in the past and that he's with me now, and that he's "waited 32 years to find someone like me."

He reassures me that I don't have anything to worry about and that he has never cheated on any of his girlfriends before. I have been in some past relationships where trust was an issue because the guys would lie to me and do some pretty terrible things to me. From those past negative experiences, I guess I've built up a wall where I'm afraid to really let my guard down for fear of getting hurt. I don't want to be insecure like that in this new relationship because I want this one to last. I want to trust my new boyfriend and for the most part, he seems pretty upstanding.

I guess my question to you all is what can I do to get over my insecurities about trust and allow myself to really just enjoy this relationship without worrying about the people from his past? Also, I found myself asking him a whole bunch of questions about this one particular casual female that he would hook up with in the past. I want to be able to stop myself from asking him all these questions. I want to know about his past....but at the same time I don't want to know either. Help!





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