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Relationship Health Message Board


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This man does sound very controlling. Didn't he get very upset with you, and almost break up with you because you found text or phone messages from another woman that sounded like he was dating someone else? I guess I'm confused, wasn't he kind of seeing other women, and got mad at you for making a big deal out of it, now he's saying he isn't into seeing anyone else, but still won't say you're officially "seeing each other?" No wonder you're confused.

BUT...I'd say, to answer your question what do you do? Well, what do you WANT to do? Do you feel two months is enough time to see if a relationship is good enough to focus on and pursue? If you do, and he doesn't, then I would be hesitant to let this man waste your time. The bottom line here is, do you WANT to be exclusive with someone who still won't promise even to make a good faith effort to pursue the relationship with you exclusively to see where it goes, or is this guy so great that you feel it's worth investing a few more months in to see if he will "come around?" Personally, I'd be really put off by this guy. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Lawyer or not, great guy in every other respect or not, if he's not more into you than that after almsot 3 months, he's no great catch. I'm not saying marriage, I'm not even sayin "I love you" kind of thing, but at least, "yeah, you're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend and we'll make a go of this and see what happens." I dont' think that's too much to ask after three months.
Hi dodedoo, I'll offer a different perspective from my own experience. My bf and I started out sort of like that. We were very casual and I was still dating (well just going on dates) other people at the beginning cos I didn't really care. When we started seeing each other more often, I started having more feelings for him so I had this "talk" with him, probably around 2 months into seeing him (seriously, what's wrong with most guys? Why are they so afraid of talking about their emotions? anyways...) and found out that he didn't want to commit and want to date other people. I told him that I was dating other people (and you can see that he was surprised but he tried to hide it) and he said he wasn't seeing anyone since he started seeing me. Anyways I told him I would like a relationship and I told him to go think about it cos I really started to like him. He started becoming more attentive but I didn't really have another "talk" with him probably till a couple more months later (I just find it quite hard to bring that kind of conversation up especially if the other party doesn't want to talk and to be honest I wasn't sure what I really wanted either) and he still said he didn't want to be in a relationship but we made a promise to each other that we wouldn't see/hook up with anyone else. We've now been with each other for 1 and a half years and somewhere along the line we became official (like he started introducing me as his girlfriend). Sometimes when we have big arguments, he would bring up the fact that he didn't want to be in a relationship, and he felt that he got dragged in. But afterwards, he would apologise for what he said. But it does annoy me to think that I forced someone to be in a relationship with me but I just look on the bright side and see that if he didn't want it, he would've left and that we do have a lot of fun with each other.

Dodedoo, I think you need to look at your guy and see where he is coming from (though I really do agree with other posters that it is extremely unfair for him to want to see other people and that you can't). Does he not want to commit because he is confused/scared or is it because he wants to be with other people? And if he wants to be with other people, does he like you enough to give that up to be with you? I think the most important thing is that you two are happy when you're with each other. If a commitment is important to you (like it is to me), then you can try to push it, it might take a few more months but he might finally come around. If it doesn't work, then you need to see if you'll be able to live with the way it is.





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