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I need some advice from you guys! Recently I started snooping on my boyfriend's phone and it has become an addiction. I need to stop doing it but besides resisting the temptation I think I need to deal with my deep rooted problems of insecurity and paranoia, so that the temptation/mistrust will be gone (I don't want to have to think about going through his phone every time I'm alone with it!).

I got cheated on in my very first serious relationship and I think it definitely scarred me, and I am constantly worried that I will be cheated on again. I have had 2 more relationships since that first one (one long distance which lasted almost 2 years and my current one for 1.5 years). I don't have reasons not to trust my boyfriend, I do think he is trustworthy guy but my fears always seem to get the better of me and I just get really uncertain and start doubting. Like yesterday I found out that this girl texted him, an old friend from university I gathered, which just said that she'd like to meet up since she just moved to town. It was a completely innocent text (at least from the tone of it) but I can't help worrying that there is something more. I just feel so silly for getting upset. I want to ask him who that girl is but obviously then he would know I snoop on his phone and that I don't trust him. What can I do to overcome my paranoia? I really want to learn to trust.

Please help! thanks!
I was exactly the same as you, Ty. In my last relationship, I snooped in my bf's phone whenever I got the chance. I would question him relentlessly if I found out that his ex-gf had called or texted him. I would interrogate basically. It wasn't just snooping through his phone, either. I snooped into everything that I could get a hold of. E-mails, old letters, pictures, etc. I am really ashamed about what I did.

My snooping all stemmed from my own insecurities of getting hurt by previous ex-bfs. But in reality, it had nothing to do with the current relationship I was in. It was just that I couldn't let go of the past and it was ruining my present time with my bf. My advice to you is to stop this behavior before it gets too late. My relationship with my ex-bf ended because he knew I was doing this and he just couldn't take my insecurities anymore. Essentially, it drove him away. Fortunately, we are still friends, he's forgiven me, and it's all water under the bridge now.

But speaking from experience, you just have to place trust in your current bf that he's not going to be like the other bfs in your past. Trust that you will have the strength to overcome things if you happen to find out (not from snooping!) that your bf did something you disapprove of. In other words, don't go looking for things in his phone or e-mail when it could be totally harmless. Continuing to do this is a huge invasion of privacy. This will drive him away from you. That's what happened to me.

I am now in a new relationship and I am also trying to fight the urges to snoop as well. I haven't done anything like that, but I'm a work in progress. I'm wiser now to know that snooping around just to try and find something to obssess over is unhealthy and unattractive. You don't want to appear that way to your current bf because it could mean the break-up of you two.

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