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Petty Jealousy
Jun 6, 2008
Hello everyone,

I've been dating a wonderful man for about 3 1/2 years now, and for the most part our relationship is amazing. For the past year we have been long distance, and while I got over any major jealousy issues rather quickly, oddly I've had trouble with some smaller ones. The distance has been hard, and it's given me some new issues to deal with. Every few months or so I tend to have what I call a "petty jealousy" issue. I trust my boyfriend, but I get nervous about other women. Not that HE would be initiating anything, but that they would. The main culprit here seems to be sites that he and I belong to that allow you to keep in touch with friends (whoops, I forgot it was against the rules to post the names hehe). I'll see a comment that I interpret as flirty from a female friend of his, and I'll get jealous. Or, for example, today I saw a comment from a girl I thought I recognized, and I clicked on her profile. I saw a message my boyfriend had left her about meeting up for lunch one day, and I got a bit upset. I interrogated him about it, and it turns out she's interested in working for the same company that he is, and they were going to meet up to talk about it. They had been lab partners in a few classes in college (I think I'd even met her before). She also has a boyfriend.

I HATE getting jealous and being petty...I don't want to be that kind of woman. When I get jealous, I feel like I'm not in control of myself. Do any of you have any tips on how to remind myself not to allow petty emotions to take control of me? I'm even considering buying myself some sort of piece of jewelry to wear as a reminder until I've learned to just stop.
Re: Petty Jealousy
Jun 6, 2008
[QUOTE=BluEyez1031;3598710]Hello everyone,

I've been dating a wonderful man for about 3 1/2 years now, and for the most part our relationship is amazing. For the past year we have been long distance, and while I got over any major jealousy issues rather quickly, oddly I've had trouble with some smaller ones. The distance has been hard, and it's given me some new issues to deal with. Every few months or so I tend to have what I call a "petty jealousy" issue. I trust my boyfriend, but I get nervous about other women. Not that HE would be initiating anything, but that they would. The main culprit here seems to be sites that he and I belong to that allow you to keep in touch with friends (whoops, I forgot it was against the rules to post the names hehe). I'll see a comment that I interpret as flirty from a female friend of his, and I'll get jealous. Or, for example, today I saw a comment from a girl I thought I recognized, and I clicked on her profile. I saw a message my boyfriend had left her about meeting up for lunch one day, and I got a bit upset. I interrogated him about it, and it turns out she's interested in working for the same company that he is, and they were going to meet up to talk about it. They had been lab partners in a few classes in college (I think I'd even met her before). She also has a boyfriend.

I HATE getting jealous and being petty...I don't want to be that kind of woman. When I get jealous, I feel like I'm not in control of myself. Do any of you have any tips on how to remind myself not to allow petty emotions to take control of me? I'm even considering buying myself some sort of piece of jewelry to wear as a reminder until I've learned to just stop.[/QUOTE]


You know I don't have a lot of advice. I would suggest NOT looking at who messages him etc. Don't go looking for things that will cause you to be obsessive. Many innocent things can look threatening when you don't know all of the details. The other factor may simply be that you are not someone who does well with a long distance relationship. This is nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for. How long is this distance thing going to go on? Can you be together sooner rather than later? You may need to make decisions about this relationship (at least for now) based on what you can deal with. Maybe you will need to draw some boundaries with your boyfriend simply saying I am not the type of person who can deal with a long distance romance after x amount of time. You then may ask him "What if anything do you want or think we should do about it". Do NOT apologize for the way you are. If he makes you feel bad or inadequate some how--blow him a big kiss __OFF.





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