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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I actually put a lot of time into this list. Thinking it over. Some of them are stronger than others, and some barely even matter, they just bother me a tiny bit. So the amount of pros and the amount of cons doesnt matter, its the content of each one.

Pros:
+She claims to love me for who i am, which i believe.
+I am very comfortable around her, she is truly the first person i can be 100% myself around. Not even friends and family.
+She motivates me, if theres something i tell her i want to do, she will push me until i do it.
+No matter how bad of an argument we have, she is always still by my side at the end of the day. She works with my problems (which were created by her stories).
+She makes me feel loved, she goes all out with making me stuff, buying me stuff, showing me stuff, telling me stuff, just to make me feel loved. Although about 80% of the time i always forget this.
+She has a huge heart, and even if she is upset or sick, and i get the slightest bit upset or sick, she will completely set herself aside to help me. Not trying to be conceited, im just saying its a very nice thing.
+She does things she doesnt even like doing to make me happy, we watch sports, we play videogames together, and so on. Things she doesnt really like, but she does it just to make me happy.
+She isnt materialistic/gold digging, i know its pathetic that this is a pro, but at this age in our society, its rare to find someone who isnt materialistic or a gold digger. She cares more about the thought or effort, rather than the actual thing.

Cons:
-Because of the whole "retarded" thing and the "You know when you find someone ugly at first" thing that this thread is about, i feel extremely hideous and not good enough for her. With other reasons as well.
-She rubbed all of those stories in my face, which really hurt me on the inside, and changed my personality overall.
-She had a horrible first impression, and i am one of those people who believe the first impression will always be there influencing the present impression.
-I dont think i have a reason not to trust her, but i really have literally 0% trust in her. I get uncomfortable when she goes out because she rubbed all of those stories in my face, which lead me to assume she'd be the one to cheat on me. When in reality i doubt she would.
-She doesnt seem to care all too much about her education. I know she WANTS to get far in life, but the fact that she never pushes herself to do so upsets me.
-I disagree with alot of her and her family's beliefs and views. They are blind patriots, and those people always annoyed me, so i have to bite my tongue alot.
-As dumb as it may sound, we cant watch movies together. She doesnt care if i do, but if it has anything sexual or any nudity in it, she wont watch it with me. So that cuts about 75% of the movies off.
-I dont particularly like her partying. Normally i wouldnt care, but she has rubbed stories about all the stuff she has done at parties that i cant stand her going to parties anymore (pro to this is that she stopped going as much, just for me).
-I hate her friends, they're all idiots, lowlifes, drugatics, dropouts, sluts, etc. There are a select few who are cool, but the majority of them are bad people, and i believe that you are who your friends are.
-She does not know how to dress herself. She thinks its cool to dress skanky, to wear really low cut shirts and right high skirts, and i always tell her that the way you dress is a first impression, and says alot about her, and she will come off easy, therefore more guys will constantly hit on her and not leave her alone. She said she is trying to fix it, but i have seen only minor improvement.
Well since some people seem a bit lost about the stories thing, ill quickly fill you in.

The first 3-4 months of our relationship (plus 2 months before we started dating), she would constantly tell me of the sexual things she has done with guys, or just the sexual things in general. She came off horribly. I understand her reasoning, she was always used before and she really liked me, and she thought the only way to get my attention would be sexually. So for about 3 months (plus two before our relationship) i heard just about every sexual thing she has done with other guys (which is quite a bit), all the kinky things she has done, and so forth.

After awhile, that really takes stabs at your personality. Especially since i already had low enough self esteem to begin with, these stories completely shattered me.

She explained why she did it, and she confirmed that a few of them were just complete lies (a very small amount), and i honestly forgave her. But the problem is that the damage is done, im not the same person as i was before we started dating or early in our relationship.

Early on, she would get completely trashed at parties, she would go over to guy's houses who she messed around with (not even and ex-boyfriend, just an ex-guy), she dressed terribly, and told me those stories. Not once did anything bother me, but over time those stories just completely ruined everything imaginable.





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