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hey guys. i need some advice. i've already ask so many people for their opinion and i'm still stuck. here is the story. my current boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 months. we met from school. about couple weeks ago, my bf told me to come over because he wanted to tell me something so i drove over to his place and he told me this his ex Ex (first love) is coming to visit him for the weekend. he said that they're best friends and nothing more. they've been best friends before they dated and also they ended on good terms.

after that, he had another gf after her who he has been with for 3 1/2 years. and i guess he started talkin to his ex ex again because the relationship b4 me and him went sour cuz she cheated on him. of course, when ur sad, who do u go to talk too... ur best friend.

anyways, i felt kinda like wow... he didn't bother asking me how i feel about that b4 any decision was made. yeah i know we're together for only 3 months but he told me he's not gonna b in a relationship if he knows it's not gonna be serious. i'm his 3rd gf that he ever had and last two were both serious. so yeah, he didnt call to say "oh me and so & so were talking and she wants to come visit. i was wondering how do u feel about that?" .... something ya know?

so i've been bleh for the couple weeks, couldn't stop thinking about that and also wish that weekend would just come so i can get over it and not feel this way anymore. and i thought this was over... so i asked him... where is she gonna stay? and he said she's staying at his place! so i was like okay, wow... that's enough. that's like the top of it right there. that's so unfair to me and stuff. and he said he's not gonna do anything because that would be too weird. i dunno what to do. he saw how hurt i was about this thinking i would understand that they're just friends. so since he notice that, he said that if he really wants to be with me, he has to let her go, even their friendship. so he said when the weekend comes, it's gonna be a way of saying goodbye.... i dunno if i should believe that or not but he said he knows i'm the one who he wants to be with and that i give him so much and more than his past relationship. so what hurts even more is that i gave him my virginity. it felt so right at the time. i don't regret it but it still something that's a big part of my life and i gave that to him ya know?

so i don't know what i should do. my friends told me to wait for the weekend to come and after that, decide what i want to do. if he cheats, than that's how i know or i have a strange feeling about it, then i need to do what's best for me. i also want to wait until the weekend to see if he knows i'm the one for him because he said all he needs to do is look at his ex's eyes and if he sees me in them then he'll know. and i keep hearing him saying how much he loves me and he would be so sad if i leave him and all this. he always assume things so i told him i know ppl makes mistake so i decided to give him a second chance but if he's messing up, than i am done for sure! he said he knows that we need to make decisions together and also think before he does anything. i dunno if he's saying that just so i stay?? i'm not sure. help!!!! there are times where i feel like he doesn't care for me but at the same time, i know he loves me. so i don't know what to do. since the relationship is still fresh, i still have time and not to have my heart break bad.

any advice will be great! sorry that it's long. i tend to blab a lot but i want you guys to know the full story so u know what's going on! :)
Well it's great that he NOW says that he realizes that you two have to make decisions together, as a couple. But what about the crap decision he's already made (i.e. to arrange to have his ex visit and stay with him)? I think actions speak louder than words. So it's great that he's saying he shouldn't have made that decision alone and then simply informed you about it. But he didn't take any actions to correct the bad decision after the fact, now did he? He could have cancelled the weekend! He could have told the ex that if she wanted to visit that's okay but she couldn't stay with him because he has a girlfriend. And it's not like he didn't know her staying there was NOT cool - even after he told you about the "visit", he conveniently forgot to mention that she was staying at his place. After he saw how hurt you were, he could have fixed things. He could have cancelled the visit or made alternate sleeping arrangement. But he didn't. Again, those were his ACTIONS. It's all great that he says from now on blah, blah... But he could have made things better [I]right now[/I]. And he didn't. Doesn't that sort of imply that seeing his ex and having her stay with him was more important than your immediate feelings? I dunno, I'd be pretty upset that it was within his power to take immediate actions to fix the crap decision he made on his own and all he did was make promises about what would happen [I]after[/I] the hurtful and upsetting weekend sleep-over visit. It's not like you've said they can't be friends or even had a major issue with the visit itself ... it seems more like the staying with him part is just over the top. I'm having trouble understanding why he's going through with the original plan despite how you feel about it. If she's his "best friend" then surely she would understand that a current gf would have a problem with her staying over at his place and be respectful of that and not do something to put his relationship in jeopardy. So either she doesn't know about you, or she doesn't think you matter. All I can say is that I would not be OKAY with any of this - i.e. the sleep-over, him not altering the plan, her thinking it's okay to stay at an ex's place when he has a new gf. Doesn't seem okay to me and no way I'd put up with that.
Are you at least going to get to meet this girl and get to know her a little bit? Because I would be more inclined to give him a break if his intention is to have you around while she is in town in order to make sure the ex knows that he's with you now, but also in a way to help you see them together so you know they're just friends and nothing more. But if he is not going to even let you meet her, then that is totally weird! Because then I would totally think he was hiding something!

Most people want their "best friend" to meet their new girlfriend or boyfriend! So if he, in any way, tells you that you're not allowed to see her or meet her, then you should be very suspicious.

Is there any reason why you can't be staying at his house at the same time while she is there? Not just to keep an eye on them, but also in an effort to get to know this girl. Because you might find that she's actually a nice person and that you have things in common. And you might also discover through watching their interaction that you have nothing to worry about. I think it would make a huge difference.

But if he's sitting there and telling you that you're not even going to see him at all or meet her while she is in town, then you need to dump him because something is most definitely up.

The part about this that makes me a little leery about it is the part where he said that stupid thing about looking into her eyes and if he sees you, then he'll know. Or something. Can I just say :rolleyes: cause that not only sounds lame but it truly is the lamest thing any guy has ever said!
[QUOTE=Kszan;3607146]Are you at least going to get to meet this girl and get to know her a little bit? Because I would be more inclined to give him a break if his intention is to have you around while she is in town in order to make sure the ex knows that he's with you now, but also in a way to help you see them together so you know they're just friends and nothing more. But if he is not going to even let you meet her, then that is totally weird! Because then I would totally think he was hiding something![/QUOTE]

This would be the big question. Does he want you to meet her or is he basically going to fall off the face of the earth for the weekend to be with her? If you are included then it most likely is innocent. However, if he doesn't want you around then that says alot.

My husband is best friends with his ex. He couldn't wait for me to meet her. When we were dating for about 2 months she came to visit. She stayed at his apartment with her boyfriend. I didn't stay over that night but we all went out and had a great time. They go out and do things together without me occassionally. It's not that I'm not allowed to go, I just choose not to. Some people can be friends with their ex, it is possible. But really it is all in the way it is handled.

[QUOTE=Kszan;3607146]Most people want their "best friend" to meet their new girlfriend or boyfriend! So if he, in any way, tells you that you're not allowed to see her or meet her, then you should be very suspicious.[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

[QUOTE=Kszan;3607146]The part about this that makes me a little leery about it is the part where he said that stupid thing about looking into her eyes and if he sees you, then he'll know. Or something. Can I just say :rolleyes: cause that not only sounds lame but it truly is the lamest thing any guy has ever said![/QUOTE]

LOL!!! :D





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