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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

hi there
my name is barry, and i was one of those abusive boyfriend/husbands. iwould get angry at anything and quickly, and was more unpredictive when i was drinking. i would even attack my bloke mates. to my wife i was more verbally and emotionally sadistic, but yes i must admit to being physically abusive on a couple of occasions. i have spent many a night locked up.

what is the key to your situation...does your man "want to really change", and does he "know and believe" he has an issue. if the answer to this is yes then read on.

firstly he must stop drinking, and that means totally and forever if drugs are required later, alcohol prevents them working, then he must attend an anger managemant course, followed by a visit to his gp to get a referral to a psychocoligist for testing on bipolar or maybe deression, and finally he must accept what the tests say.

if he cares for you (and it must be two ways) then he will do this, he may need drugs and councilling to help him curb his temper and allow him to slowly take charge of his life, but if he is not willing to do this, then you must consider what is best long term for you and any siblings you have, you are no good to anyone dead if he goes too far one day.

i have done all the above and am now a tea drinker, non smoker, on bipolar meds, and have regular councilling. it did cost me a 20 year marriage and 5 lovely children, but after 3 years, i am re-married to a wonderful girl who has 2 lovely daughters, and we have mved to a small property and are beginning our own small farm.

she helped me with support, and i faltered a coouple of times, but "i" had to do the hard yards.
good luck and kind regards barry

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