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Hi,

I am new to sites like this, and I would first like to thank anyone in advance who reads this, it's long, it's complicated, and I'm not use to talking to people on the internet.

I was in a relationship with a girl for over 2.5 years, we met a couple months after I graduated from high school, she still had 1 year to go. Our relationship was off to an excellent start, and after a while we knew we were in love, we were each others first everything including kiss, we took everything slow and really enjoyed the time we had together. The only previous relationships I had were nothing more than a date or two.

We also had our fair share of arguements over our time together, but nothing serious, until about 8 months ago. I will attempt to explain the best I can. I am a soldier in the Canadian Forces, and because of the service requirements drug use including marijuanna could result in my discharge. That being said alot of my friends do it, and I do not really have a problem with that, although I obviously don't do it myself, I think I also sent my girlfriend the message I would not allow her to do it, although this wasn't entirely my intention. So 8 months ago she admitted to me she did it while we were together, while she was with some mutual friends and kept it secret from me. I got really upset, my trust was broken because she lied to my face about it, for months, telling me she never had, and I was really hurt about the whole situation, she had never lied to me before, and I wondered if she lied about other things, I stormed off when I found out, and later that night on msn was really upset and basically said I wanted to break up with her, I feel like I over-reacted. I am a very honest person myself and really didn't know how to handle things.

A few days went by and I didn't talk to her, I felt really bad though, I know that her lying to me was wrong, but she claimed she was afraid to tell me the truth becuase she was afraid of me leaving her. And ultimately, she did feel bad and did tell me about it eventually, I called her and basically said although I was upset with her I cared about her to much to stay mad or break up with her, and I did still trust her.

After this things were good again for a while but something changed, like, we fought more and I don't think she could forgive me for getting mad at her and storming off for a few days, or something, she has a real problem forgiving people for anything, can have a temper, and usually looses her friends because of it, things went down hill, we got in 2 more fights over things so small I can hardly remember them, and broke up. This was 3 months again.

Immediately after the break up had set in I was depressed, I felt alone, I tried contacting her and telling her that I still loved her and telling her I wanted to get back together, each time only to get shot down, I was a wreck. Luckily, good friends helped me get threw everything, it took me about a month to start even remotely feel good about myself again but then things were better. I felt like I was atleast kinda over my first major breakup.

Well, 2 months ago I started talking to her again, I was after all feeling better and still cared to see how she was doing also, I still cared about her alot. While in a relationship we were great friends, had similar interests, and loved doing the same things and liked to help each other with our problems. So we chatted for a while on msn, gave each other the occasional call to see how the other person was doing and just generally sorta showed how we still cared about the other person even though the relationship was over, she was always very clear she still wanted to be friends even though she didn't want to get back together, I was in the same mindframe as her, although I did still miss her alot, and kinda hoped some day we could make things work again.

Well, chatting led to us going to lunch occasionally, then to hanging out and going biking, and somehow it ended up with us having sex a couple times in past few weeks, it was totally random and not planned, and we were certainly not a couple and both agreed it didn't mean anything.

We are very open with each other still, and neither of us have seen anyone nor been interested in finding anyone since we've broken up. She has come to me alot also to talk about her problems, I've been happy to help her out. It's obvious I think we still care about each alot and when we hang out it has reminded us of how good things were, we both have a great time!

So today I got a call from her, and she tells me she still cares alot about me and the time we have been spending together lately has been really nice, and she was really happy for the most part when we were tohgether, and she sort of came up with an idea, she doesn't want to get back together becuase she is really afraid of what happened will happen again, but instead she suggests both of us just see each other occasionnally for the summer, and then if in the fall we both still feel the same way we can get back together and hopefully have learned enough about our relationship and taken enough of a break we can really make things work better and have lots of time to reflect on mistakes we both made. Also, of course we would not be seeing anyone else in this time.

I told her I think she has a good idea but I would like just to reflect a day or two on everything. I still really care about her, but am afraid becuase she claims to still care about me but is afraid to get back together now, or soon, and I am afraid of getting hurt, but I think she could have very valid points. I hope everything is clear, and please feel free to ask any questions. I would like any input on this situation, and haven't talked to anyone who has been in one like this before.

My close friends have been awesome to me, but I am here because most of them I don't think have much relationship experience themselves and I am looking for other ideas/imputs on my situation, and I am not comfortable talking to any mutual friends about her or the relationship.





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