It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=amy2705;3616921]You're asking how you can accept/feel love from a guy who doesn't provide money ... but yet the only men you mention "dating" are two guys with money who you don't feel love from either. Is it possible that a better question is how you can feel/accept love from any guy? And how to get over the fear of abandonment you have because of your relationship with your father?

The only two guys you mention are two virtual strangers, who happen to have money and who want to take you on a vacation. Surely you don't feel love from them? They don't know you and certainly don't love you. I know you're not an escort and don't sleep with these men ... so it's not a "professional" relationship (i.e. you're not being paid with vacation to be with them intimately) but it's not exactly a romantic relationship that's going anywhere either. I wonder why you consider going on these vacations. Could it be that due to your father's lack of caring that you seek out uncaring, not going anywhere relationships? As a general rule, a guy who wants to go on vacation with a stranger or someone significantly younger (who they also don't know that well) isn't looking for a long-term commitment or something that might develop into love. Undoubtedly, those relationships will end as suddenly and unceremoniously as they started. And you spend time with these people rather than your friends. You spend your time with people who don't care rather than with those who do. So you're really only "involved" with people you have no deep emotional connection to and who you know will eventually disappear - kind of like you dad, huh? Based on the guys you've mentioned, you're invovling yourself with guys just like your dad. Or at least in a similar dynamic. These are not guys with whom there is a chance of a lasting, meaningful relationship. I think the fact that they have money is sort of irrelevant in and of itself - seems more like the fact that they have money just means that the relationship is based on money - i.e. something other than love. It could be any other number of things - but money is pretty cut and dry - the classic opposite of love. So I don't think the question is why for you love = money (seeing as you don't love these guys with money and they don't love you) - I think it's why are you so afraid of opening yourself up to love at all? And maybe that's where the relationship with you dad comes in. Maybe it's that you're afraid of opening yourself up to the possibility of love because you're afraid that you'll be abandoned by another man you love. If you don't love them then it's not as devestating if they abandon you (like your dad has). So you involve yourself with these rich guys who want to fly you places but don't actually want a long-term relationship or anything like that. You know the deal with them, so no chance of being hurt or abandoned unexpectedly. That's my guess anyway.[/QUOTE]

Amy: thanks for the insight. I am sorry if I made it sound like I am dating those two guys - definitely not. They are I suppose more than business associates, but live in another country, so I guess not 'friends'. I just feel very special around them and they treat me well.

The last bit about basing a relationship on money (something unmeaningful) struck a cord, and I agree. I don't even know where the fear of abandonment comes from but that may be why I focus on material things. I did have three relationships in the past year where I was somewhat emotionally involved, and I was hurt after each breakup, although I got rid of all of them because I knew they were not long-term material. I guess I do tend to go out a lot with guys who are not long-term material because I love the experiences I go through and the funny stories I get to tell afterwards, its quite entertaining.

And its hard for me right now to find a 'deep meaningful relationship' because I don't really want to date anybody where I work full time because I don't want my career messed up, (and 98% of the men in my office are over 50); my part-time job is around kids, so I'm rarely in contact with men; and my volunteering job is at a women's shelter. And doing three courses on top of this - I barely go out....yikes sorry for the rant. I found your post very insightful, thanks again.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:49 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!