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thanks mouse, as far as what I want to get out of it.....both....I want to have "closure" in a way, meaning I want him to know how I feel, and I guess I want him to "get the plot", if that means to understand where I'm coming from. you ask am I prepared to not get any feedback from him......I'm not getting any now! So yes I guess so, the difference being, I gave HIM some feedback with the letter. He can do what he wants with that information, but I think he should have the information. I too think it's best to say the truth and not play games. If he would have just talked to me it would have been so much easier, and i guess that's part of the point of the letter....
as far as a romantic connection again....I don't know. I'm not in that mindset, and I wasn't for a long time....because of this very stuff. I'm really starting to wonder if he's a narrrrcissist, and I'm realizing again that I'm not making healthy choices as far as men go.....that's why I stopped before. I had a bi-polar husband, a 2.5 yr live in relationship with a narcissssist, a short fling with someone I was nuts about who had PTSD and depression, and the last one was by far the worst, a 1 year relationship with a guy who has BPD, borderline personality disorder. That's when I thought it was time to stop, along with other things going on, the death of my dog.....I just wasn't in the mood to start another project....
I guess maybe I haven't learned anything....I'm still finding myself attracted to men with serious issues.....maybe it's time to stop again.
[QUOTE=MouseOnMars;3625205]You are right to maintain that it is a better to be alone than to be in an unhealthy relationship. However, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be open to possibilities. The fact that you've had a pattern and that you recognize this pattern is extremely valuable. Not all men are broken. Not all of us enablers are destined to be life-long enablers. I would seriously recommend putting yourself out there and dating. For several months I was dating multiple guys and finding myself in all sorts of comical circumstances. It is a learning thing -- learning how to let people know how you want to be treated and learning to love yourself![/QUOTE]

mouse it seems that all the men that find their way to me are broken to some degree. I know this guy has all kinds of problems, and red flags, and the scary thing is I would be willing to help him.....I know that's the co-dependent craap rearing it's head....I see that
And yes recognizing the patterns is good, it's what got me out of my last relationship, among other things.....he was BPD and reminded too much of my ex-husband who was bi-polar. So I can spot these things, sometimes it takes a little while. Would I even recognize a normal guy if he found his way to me? I don't know....and what's normal anyway. We all have some level of dysfunction. And yes I did the dating thing after my divorce 10 years ago. It was fun for a while, but a lot of spinning your wheels for nothing. Most of the people I met thru personal ads, and they can really flake out on you. You have to really keep your guard up and weed them out. I've met all kinds....some turned into relationships, some turned into friends, some didn't....I'm just not into that anymore. It doesn't thrill me. This is the only thing that's thrilled me in years....
you're probably a little younger than me, (I'm 48), so it's fun now, but maybe after doing it for a while it gets tiring and feels like a waste of time. But I don't think you need to worry about it.....new band guy sounds like a keeper! I'm so happy for you! :angel:





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