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[QUOTE=Kszan;3626487]I probably should have said single or divorced. There may not be a lot of single guys out there when you get past a certain age but there are definitely a lot of divorced guys out there past 40. And just because a guy is divorced doesn't mean he's a bad guy, necessarily. Maybe his ex wife was just not right for him or there were some problems that couldn't be resolved. The fact is that she shouldn't be trying to go after a guy who is married. That's just not right and I can't understand why anyone would do that and think it was ok to do.[/QUOTE]

No, it's not "right" and most of the time, you're setting yourself up for degradation and major heartbreak when you mess with a married man. But love and life aren't always so black and white. I don't know if you're married, but I'm single and over 40 and the single/divorced dating pool over 40 is a total and complete nightmarish freakshow. Men with severe emotional issues, problems with serious misogyny, boatloads of baggage, still not over an ex wife or whatever, etc. It's not something you plan or calculate, it just happens. Over the years, as much as I used to respect the institution of marriage and as much as I judged the celebrities who worked with married me and next thing you know, that man is divorcing his wife and a few moths after the divorce is final, he's publically dating the woman that it was rumored he was cheating on his wife with for years, it's just not that black and white. The older I get, and the more years that fall away that I spend alone, the less I find myself caring that some cute guy has on a wedding ring. I just met a guy at work the other day, NOT someone I work with regularly, just someone passing through one day who I will probably never even see again, but he was so cute it literally caused me pain. And he was wearing a wedding ring. I went home and cried. And to be honest, as church going and as Lord-loving as I am, I'm also a woman who has been alone and untouched for 10 years, and if the opportunity had presented itself, I can't honestly say "no way would I have done anything!!" I wish I could still be that hard and fast and black and white, and it hurts to say that it's not really quite that way for me anymore, but it's the truth. It just happens. You get sick and tired of waiting your turn on the sidelines like a good little girl, and you start to think no one is going to give you what you so desperately want and need, so maybe you should take it. other women have, and they are happily married to those men now, and no recriminatory bolts of lightenting being leveed on their heads. I'm not saying it's ok, and the advice I gave to break off all contact with him and leave him be stands. I'm just saying, although I can understand why married women would feel incredibly scared and threatened and angry at the thought of another woman plotting to steal her man, it's not as simple and as easy as all that, just go find your own single/divorced guy or find a way to be happy being alone. No one wants to be alone, and loneliness and sexual deprivation and just not having arms to hold you for enough years can drive you to serious errors in judgment. It's not right, but it's human. There were laws against stealing someone else's man, but most of them were repealed in the late 60's early 70s, I think because it's hard to legislate being lonely and human.

To be clear, I'm not saying it's ever ok to "move in" on a married man. I'm just saying I was getting the feeling that harfordgirl might have been reading these posts and might have been feeling "oh, they're married, of course they're going to say that, etc." I just wanted to say I'm not married and I understand how hard it is and it's not always so easy or black and white. BUT...I'm also saying that much more important than a night or a few stolen moments over the course of a few months of sweet, albeit forbidden, passion, may not be worth losing your integrity. To truly be a person of integrity, you know that what's right is right and what's wrong it wrong and you don't get to take a time out from doing what's right and decent and good just because it's really hard to do it at the moment. It's hard, but hopefully when the chips are down and push comes to shove, you make the right choice.

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