It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Thanks for all the stories of lost love. It sounds like a number of you did have a pretty happy ending, which gives me hope.

Italia, you asked if the girl he is marrying was the one he ended up with right after we broke up. It's not the same girl. They were together for like a year or so, I believe. I think the reason that he did not dump her to get back with me was because he was scared to get hurt again, and I think he also did not fully trust me. He seemed to believe I had cheated on him or something, even though I did not. I had been bartending at the time, and I think he just assumed that the reason for me breaking up with him, was because I found someone and had already cheated on him. I told him this was untrue, but it was like he just didn't believe it. Also, his mother always hated me for some reason, and he was a bit of a momma's boy, and I think he was listening to her advice a lot. In addition, the girl he started dating was his best friend's, fiance's sister (got that?), so there was a lot of pressure from his friends not to get back together with me.

But you are right -- we had six years together, and they only had four weeks together. (A truly strong and independent man should have made his own choices, and not let himself be so influenced by his mother and friends!) He told me he felt unsure of things, but still loved me very much, but just couldn't break up with this girl, because she had been there for him during his grief over our breakup. He was always very loyal, and I think that, coupled with his doubts about whether I had cheated, and his mom trash-talking me and his friends' influence, he just stayed with her. He even told me that that girl would get so mad because he'd talk about me a lot.

When he and this girl broke up, maybe a year and a half later (?), we got together a few times, but he was always gun-shy. We'd get together, have a fun time talking and hanging out, and he'd tell me he still felt a lot for me and never stopped loving me, etc. I'd get my hopes up, and then all of a sudden he'd disappear for a while. I had blamed myself so much for the initial breakup, that I let myself be treated that way, and kept coming back for more. When he would decide to let me back in his life, I just walked right in. This went on for a long time where he'd be distant, then contact me and tell me he thought of me a lot. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions! Then he moved to the city, and his attitude changed a bit. Sometimes he would talk to me about the "hot women" who flirted with him, and all the parties he went to, and how great his life was, like he was bragging to me. Like, "This is what you missed out on by breaking up with me." Was he trying to punish me? In my mind, I thought perhaps he was, but I also thought I deserved it. But I noticed his priorities in life were starting to change. He was suddenly in the "fast lane." Still, I was blinded by that love and didn't see that maybe he HAD changed, and I just kept putting up with him coming and going from my life, and toying with my emotions.

The hard part for me right now is that I am dating someone, and had been for a while, as I tried to just move on and not just sit by the phone waiting for my ex to call. My current boyfriend and I had been doing pretty well, and I felt happy, but I think in the back of my mind, I never let go of the possibility that one day my ex and I may reunite. Not healthy, I know. I have not been the same since learning the news that my ex is getting married. Of course I feel I cannot tell my boyfriend why I am so down about things. All of a sudden I'm looking at my current relationship and am not happy, because I have been now comparing it to how it was with my ex. My current boyfriend is a really good guy, and treats me like a princess. I hope I can get past this, and not ruin something good in my life. I know I need to realize that even if my ex called me up today and said, "I want you back," there is a big chance that I would not even feel the same way I used to. He may have changed a lot, and the sweet, gentle guy I knew, may now be totally different.

Eavabug, I think you're right that as women we need to depend on ourselves, and make our own happiness, whether we are single or with someone. I think we should all make that our goal and find happiness from within. Easier said than done, though, I know!!!

Sorry, I went on and rambled again. I just have so many feelings going on, and it's great to have a place to get them out and receive input. So thanks again to everyone for reading and posting. :)

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:50 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!