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Am I being used?
Jul 9, 2008
I met this local man online several years ago...and we stopped talking for quite a while...and then started talking again about 7-8 months ago...and he convinced me to let him visit...we ended up having sex within an hour of meeting and he left RIGHT after he was finished...like seriously not even 10 minutes...he washed up and left...then he ended up disappearing for like 3 months...and made a lot of excuses...like sayng he was sick and working out of town and his grandmother died...and everything...

Then when we started talking a lot again he kept bugging me to let him come over...I was nervous b/c I didn't want to be used again...eventually I gave in and said he could come over...cleaned my apartment real good and got all dressed up...sexy bra and panty set and everything LOL he said he was coming right over...and I waited and waited and waited...he never showed...6 am I finally gave up and went to sleep. Then the next day he wanted to come over again...made an excuse that he didnt see my light on so he figured I went to bed...but of course I'm pissed and say no...and I haven't heard from him again since...it's been like two weeks...I'm sure he'll be showing up again soon and wanting to come over...everytime we talk on IM he does nothing but talk about sex and wanting to come over and stuff...he's just using me, right? I have a feeling he's married or something...like he says he doesn't have a phone...I mean, come on...who doesn't have a phone?!
Oh! I forgot the best part! When we had sex...he claims the condom *fell off* but I'm pretty sure when he was *fixing it* he took it off...grrr!
Of course he is using you! What worries me is that you jump into bed with someone you don't even know and end up having unprotected sex with him! *gasp*
I can see no indication from your post that he is interested in anything you have to offer except as a booty call (unless he gets a better offer at the time). Sorry to be blunt, but this is a no-brainer - he IS using you. Sera
Oh wow, YES you are being used. And I agree, he is probably married. What you did is so dangerous, pixie! You don't know this man and he could have a disease. I assume you are on birth control otherwise you would be worried you were pregnant? Do not let him contact you again. Don't allow yourself to be used, you are better than that!
No offense, but are you serious? The man only talks about sex and wanting to come over and disappears constantly and you want to know if he is using you? You know the answer to that question. You just need to accept the reality of the situation. Sorry! :(
You need to be careful, don't take life for granted thinking because you know him over the internet he can just come over to your house and everything would be ok. That's not reality, people are murdered everyday. I'd be careful if I were you. Don't trust just anyone... especially when all they talk about is sex. I hope you see the light.. it was quite obvious, he was using you in a nasty way..
Wow---it scares me to think you would even put yourself in that situation. Count your blessings you're not pregnant, not infected with Aids or some STD (you have been tested since the incident, right?), not tied up somewhere or left for dead in the woods....STAY away from this man. Hes using you and you let him. This situation is worse than prostitution---you're just giving it away for free. Find someone who respects you and learn to respect yourself so that you don't end up in this situation with some other random guy. You are worth more than that.
I had an STD test done a few weeks after...nothing showed up...so unless they were false negatives...I'm fine. *crosses fingers*

I was manic at the time. >.< I do stupid things when I'm manic. :(
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3641715]I had an STD test done a few weeks after...nothing showed up...so unless they were false negatives...I'm fine. *crosses fingers*

I was manic at the time. >.< I do stupid things when I'm manic. :([/QUOTE]



Being bipolar and having manic episodes is a serious issue. If you are putting yourself at such risk like that during your times of "mania" you need to consider taking prescribed meds to help you. The last thing you need to deal with is serious consquences to when you were manic. If you're not expereincing mania now and are thinking clearly maybe now is the time to seek help or come up with a plan so that next time you experience a manic episode you don't act out in such a way. Being Bipolar is not an excuse for poor choices. You must figure out a way to best take care of yourself regardless of the mental illness. I know its hard; but things will only get harder for you until you try and take control over some of your behavior. If you know you act out like this when manic is the first step; now you need to look at ways to prevent such behavior the next time.
I was changing medications at the time.
I hope your new medication works out for you! I had to try several different medications for my high blood pressure until my doctor found one that worked for me, probably yours may too.

Yes, this guy used you, but you don't have to let him do it anymore. Next time he calls, don't answer if you can't be forceful, otherwise answer and tell him you are busy for the foreseeable future but you will call him when you have the time. Then don't call! That may keep him from "booty-calling" you ever again and teach him that you are not some cheap bimbo but a woman of value.
I'm horrible at saying no to men though. >.< It's really hard! Plus...I'm really lonely...and what if he's my only chance of ever having a real relationship? I've never had a boyfriend...just two one night stands...and I'm 23!

Okay...sorry...ignore me...LOL
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3642278]I'm horrible at saying no to men though. >.< It's really hard! Plus...I'm really lonely...and what if he's my only chance of ever having a real relationship? I've never had a boyfriend...just two one night stands...and I'm 23!

Okay...sorry...ignore me...LOL[/QUOTE]

23 - that is very young. Don't get me wrong, but you're still in the process of educating yourself. Take your time.

Lonely - Complain less, criticize less, smile more, and people probably will approach you more frequently.

Lonely 2 - Being alone (some of the time) may help you move (grow up) more quickly.

No - You don't have to say NO to men all the time. Say NO or YES after thinking over the consequences of what you are about to do.

Real - I don't think THIS is a real relationship. It is just a palliative.
[QUOTE=pendulum;3642417]23 - that is very young. Don't get me wrong, but you're still in the process of educating yourself. Take your time.

Lonely - Complain less, criticize less, smile more, and people probably will approach you more frequently.

Lonely 2 - Being alone (some of the time) may help you move (grow up) more quickly.

No - You don't have to say NO to men all the time. Say NO or YES after thinking over the consequences of what you are about to do.

Real - I don't think THIS is a real relationship. It is just a palliative.[/QUOTE]

I'm agoraphobic and have social phobia...so...the only way I meet people is online. My only friend I met online...she lives two hours away. We see each other sometimes but doing things is difficult for me...basically the only places I go are to doctors appointments and grocery shopping...LOL not exactly a place to meet guys.
Are you seeing a therapist about your bi-polar disorder and agoraphobia? Because they are making you do some unhealthy things and it's best to get treated now while you are young. And never mind the "I don't have any money, job, etc." excuses because you can get no cost/low cost medical care from the state, or wherever you are from, they usually have programs. You need to find healthy ways to meet people because having a strange guy come over for sex and waiting up until 6 am for some guy to show up for sex is very unhealthy, physically and emotionally. I notice you said you were tested for STDs so obviously you have access to medical care. Get it.
I'm in therapy...I see a therapist every 2 weeks...eating disorders specialist once a week...pysch once every 8 weeks or so...takes meds and all...
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3642599]I'm in therapy...I see a therapist every 2 weeks...eating disorders specialist once a week...pysch once every 8 weeks or so...takes meds and all...[/QUOTE]



That's great! You should mention what happened to your therapist to have it put into proper perspective. You WERE used but you don't have to be anymore. This guy is not a potential relationship, he's simply after easy sex. Definitely, for sure, no doubt. Hold out for better. And good for you for getting the help you need, that takes courage.
I've talked to my therapist about it...he made me uncomfy when he asked if I was just really horny or something when I said that I didn't know why I did it b/c I didn't want to...I just couldn't say no...UGH...
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3642622]I've talked to my therapist about it...he made me uncomfy when he asked if I was just really horny or something when I said that I didn't know why I did it b/c I didn't want to...I just couldn't say no...UGH...[/QUOTE]


Ok, that's in the past. You can't change it, but you CAN say no if he tries again. Or if you can't say it directly to him, say no via IM, text, e-mail, etc. But please find the courage to say no because you deserve better.
yeah...I am getting better at saying no online. LOL I don't know if he will even start talking to me again...he may have given up for good.
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3642479]I'm agoraphobic and have social phobia...so...the only way I meet people is online. My only friend I met online...she lives two hours away. We see each other sometimes but doing things is difficult for me...basically the only places I go are to doctors appointments and grocery shopping...LOL not exactly a place to meet guys.[/QUOTE]

I won't deny that your fears are real, but I am sure you can do things even when you are afraid. Just do it. Just go there. I am not telling you to cross the road without looking out to see if a car is coming. That would be crazy. I am exhorting (inviting) you instead to do important things in your life despite your fears. When you tell yourself that these things are really important for you, you are able to follow the steps to have them done, putting your fears on the backburner, so to say. I am afraid of flying, but sometimes I fly, if I have to.
well...if a guy I don't know approaches me and talks to me...I'll start crying...LOL that will scare off most guys.
That will do it!
Maybe you should stop dating until you get your conditions under control.
they may never be under control.
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3643986]they may never be under control.[/QUOTE]

Oh, well, I might be wrong, but couldn't it be the case you are using your conditions as an excuse (a screen) for not fully living - or at least living as fully as you are able to?
I don't think so...I'm pretty happy right now. I'm living on my own (they wanted to put me in a group home...but I refused.) and I have 4 animals...and everything is going pretty well. (except my health lately.) I'm able to travel farther than I've ever been able to...20 miles away...without having a panic attack. I'm constantly pushing my limits...staying out for longer periods of time...being more social...and stuff. I'm hoping to try to go to school in the next couple years. I really would like to work in the medical field in some way...but I need to get my anxiety and chronic pain under control first.
[QUOTE=pinkpixies;3644185]I don't think so...I'm pretty happy right now. I'm living on my own (they wanted to put me in a group home...but I refused.) and I have 4 animals...and everything is going pretty well. (except my health lately.) I'm able to travel farther than I've ever been able to...20 miles away...without having a panic attack. I'm constantly pushing my limits...staying out for longer periods of time...being more social...and stuff. I'm hoping to try to go to school in the next couple years. I really would like to work in the medical field in some way...but I need to get my anxiety and chronic pain under control first.[/QUOTE]

Then I stand corrected. :)
"cleaned my apartment real good and got all dressed up...sexy bra and panty set and everything LOL he said he was coming right over."

Why did you do that if you didn't want to be used for sex? Why not tell him to meet you out for dinner or something? If you are inviting a man to your house and your making sure your bra's and panties match...you want someone to see them. Don't let him think your about that and you'll know quick enough if that's all he wants.





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