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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I've been with my bf for about 1 and a half years now, and so far it's been really good. We have known eachother from a previous workplace for years and we have many mutual friends. He makes me feel wonderful the majority of the time, and for the most part, treats me with respect. (I only say 'for the most part' because sometimes he can act like a bit of an idiot when his mates are around, but I chalk that up to classic guy-ness). He's intelligent and sociable, but in general is quite a private person, and doesn't go out a lot. He has always been in long-term relationships, as long as I've known him. He's 7 years older than me - I'm 24, he's 31.

Well here's the thing... he admitted to me when we first got together that he'd cheated in a past relationship. I'm not sure how long ago this was, or how long it was for. All he said of it was that he regretted it and realised the potential affects it could have had, and he put too much on the line so he'd never do it again. However, what I do know is that his gf at the time never found out. This makes me even more concerned - like he got away with it, or something.

I've been in a relationship with this knowledge for a year and a half now. Initially, i didn't think about it much at all, when things were new and hot and passionate. But now its slid into that 'comfortable' stage, and I'm more paranoid. It's like social values or something just got the better of me. The whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" generalization. Could it be true? He has never given me any true reason to doubt him, or think that he may be cheating. But now I am becoming more and more distrusting, and it's a downhill slide. I find myself getting edgy every time he recieves an sms on his mobile. Or when he says he's going to his mum's for dinner, and then a few nights later he says he's going to his mum's again... I start to doubt that's where he's going. He's still friends with the ex he cheated on... I don't know how often they see each other. Yet I couldn't stalk him, I don't think I could bring myself to do something like that. I do try to sneak peaks at his email to see who's been emailing when he logs on. But I have never checked his phone messages or anything sneaky like that.

I only see him about 3 nights a week - sometimes once in the week and then stay at his for the weekend Fri-Sun... so I have no clue what he does on weeknights, really. I'm not sure why this is such a 'thing' for me lately, but I'm concerned. Should I expect the worst, given his past? Or am I just being paranoid? Have any of you dealt with this kind of thing in the past? Maybe I'm just insecure all of a sudden, and it's me. Please help... I hate this distrust, and my mind keeps jumping to awful conclusions.

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