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Relationship Health Message Board

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Well, I think spending too much time together definitely can hurt a relationship. You need to have reference points that are outside of each other's realm. You need to have hobbies and things that you do apart. I've been in a month-long relationship (well, was) and we were together constantly. I feel it is taking its toll -- we both can get snarky. This Sunday we actually broke up and I feel like much of it was about spending too much time together.

As for the "single" on the social network site, I do find that troubling as well. I had an ex-BF do the same thing and we dated for 2 years. He dumped me last summer for someone else and he, not too long after they had been together, changed his status to "in a relationship". This, of course, devastated me because I had talked to him about it (his excuse was valid though -- I was only separated from my husband and not divorced, he said he couldn't commit fully until I was legally divorced and I dragged my feet on that front).

That aside, I dated someone for about 5 months more recently and he had "single" on his social network site and he had tons of girls as his friends and they all commented on his page and such. I told him that it bothered me and he kept saying, "well why do we have to put a label on it?" And I said because if you care about me, you would care about my feelings and that hurts my feelings. He never changed it. I broke up with him. He begged me to come back and in his begging, he declared that he would even change to "in a relationship" -- this guy basically said he would do anything to get me back. Now, of course, this was too little, too late.

I just think of it as a red flag. My most recent boyfriend changed his status to "in a relationship" almost directly after we had the "exclusive" talk. That made me feel like he was a lot more serious. The great part of that was I didn't even have to ask.
Your boyfriend spends most of his waking moments with you, fighting, and advertises himself as single online (while searching for a threesome)? What would you say if this was posted by someone else and you were reading it?

I would break up with him. But that's just me. Regardless of whether it's healthy to spend most of your time with one person.

I'm 28 and got into my current (and first!) relationship almost a year ago. I've always been the type of person who enjoys time alone and never understood the impulse I'd notice in my friends to want to spend all my time with a significant other for the short few weeks/months they could stand the sight of one another. Then it was time to move on and repeat the process with someone new. I just thought it was so lame when my friends would disappear for a while, and then eventually sort of reappear again. I guess I never met anyone who I wanted to spend more than a few hours with at a time... Until now. My boyfriend and I started basically living together within weeks of meeting and we spend all of our time together save while either of us is at work. We made it "official" about a week after we had our first date and both of us changed our relationship status on various social network thingies - without planning or consulting the other. For me, I find that I don't [I]want[/I] to spend a lot of time apart, which is still something I'm getting used to. I go off and do my own thing like I've always done and then find that I miss making snarky little comments with him about things we see or laughing about something together.

I think it's unhealthy if the reason you spend so much time together is out of a need to just not be alone (which I'm not saying is the case with you - I've just seen this a ton). Or if you're spending all your time in a dysfunctional relationship due to co-dependency, etc. Maybe it sounds lame but I like spending all my time with my boyfriend and he feels the same about me. I [I]like[/I] him (in addition to being in love with him) and my life is better from having him in it. And I say, If you have a great relationship with the person, why not spend as much time together as you want? If you don't get along well enough to spend time together without fighting, then what's the point?

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