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Relationship Health Message Board

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Wow, I just went through something very similar. Me and my, now-ex, started dating hot and heavy about a month ago. We saw each other every minute we could. I was staying up way past my bedtime and found myself operating under a serious sleep defecit. He has a much more flexible schedule and the ability to nap, so it didn't affect him as much. I started to become aware of how behind I was in my chores (washing clothes, grocery shopping, paying bills even!) and it gave me a lot of anxiety. I made a comment or two about stuff and he seemed concerned but because I got such a "high" out of seeing him, I never did cut back. So, my anxiety grew worse and then I started acting edgy. The more edgy I got, the more unattractive I became (I'm not saying that he shouldn't take ownership of his behavior because he seemed very stressed which, too, wasn't very attractive). We live about 5 minutes apart (the closest I've lived to a boyfriend in a long time!). At any rate, we had a very tense Sunday caused by lack of time and getting chores done. I ended being short with him. He got frustrated and said, "I'll talk to you later." Later that evening I sent him an e-mail saying how I was sorry for being weird and I offered up some ideas on how our communication skills could improve. He calls me at 2.00 am to say "I'm breaking up with you" because he was furious at my e-mail. He said, "all I needed was space and you weren't offering me any". This was, of course, a surprise to me because a) he didn't say he needed space and b) he was the one who was always calling me, asking me to do things...he was the one filling up all of my time. So, I do believe that seeing each other too much is not the right way to do things. I'm really bummed out about the break-up as I thought this relationship had real potential (and well, maybe it does after he gets some much needed "space" and I actually get stuff done).

If going to clubs is going to keep you from pining, why not go out and have a good time but I certainly wouldn't wave it in his face as a "if you don't hang out with me, I'll go find some guys to dance with" or whatever. I mean, this guy sounds like he likes you, so you shouldn't play with his affection. There may be some other issue going on but I think pulling back just a tad right now is actually a good thing for you two. Good luck!

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