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Herewith is "The Update" :cool:

I was in D.C. for much of the day for work. I get a voice mail around noon or so from him saying, "I'm at work and I know you are working but I just wanted to see if you are going to be free after 5:00 today. And, if so, would you want to come over so we can talk?"

Of course, I fretted for the rest of the afternoon with a co-worker saying that it could go either way (she is privy to a lot of what is going on). So that made me even more nervous but I do appreciate her honesty. I get home and am shattered from the drive and such but call him at 5:30 to say that I could come over later but I needed to de-compress for a bit. He said, "great, just call me when you want to come over". I take a nap to clear my head and call him at 6:45 and he says, "oh, hey can we meet at the public square?" (this is where we met for our first date and for a bit before we started going over to each other's homes).

I get there and I decide that I wasn't going to put on the fake smile and use the "buddy voice". He asked if we could sit on a bench and I sat down and he sat relatively close and then handed me three sheets of paper. He says, "I hope this isn't going to offend you but I have been thinking about things and I wanted to outline them for you". I kind of skimmed the first sentence and realized that it was him putting into words his feelings, his worries, his hopes, his fears. I look up and say, "no, I think this is something I want to read!" and his arm moves behind me on the bench (I guess a non-touchy way of asserting closeness!?).

He really took a lot of time to type out and think about things. The gist of the writing was that he thought that we moved very quickly in a lot of areas. He thought we were spending too much time with each other and we both were neglecting ourselves because of it. He made some suggestions on how to better communicate. He said that he doesn't want anything rash to happen like what happened on Sunday evening (he took ownership of the situation). He stressed how "trust" of our commitment was important and how neither of us should project feelings onto the other person. There were many other points and all were valid. He finished by saying that the most important thing for us is that [sic] "understanding and trusting that we both love each other and love our relationship and love us together and that we need to put the other person's perceptions before our individual need to be understood if we are going to make it in the long haul". The sentence is clunky but I take his point. We would both jump to conclusions about what each other were feeling and that we really need to understand what the other person was feeling and react to that versus our fabricated reality.

Nothing that he wrote made me angry, sad or confused. It was very clear. He did say one thing that made me a little concerned and that was that he believed we should really get to know each other more mentally than physically -- he wants to take emphasis off of the physical aspect of the relationship so that we don't cloud our thinking with lust. I'm a 40 year old woman so that sort of fell flat with me (seriously, I'm a very hormonal woman -- probably too much for a 30 year old man, lol). I don't think he's saying going without, I think he is saying that we shouldn't make it the focus. Well, actually I asked him to clarify and that is what he meant.

I'm really exhausted and up past my bedtime again, I may update the update before it is all over. I did ask him, "so does this mean we are dating again?" and he said "yes!". So, I have a boyfriend again. And this time it is someone who really hopes to make something authentic and meaningful. I am going to continue with therapy and working on my co-dependency issues as well as eating right, exercising and all that other good-for-me jazz! :)

Thanks to all for your insights!





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