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i was with someone for over 3 years and he was my first serious boyfriend, the first guy i loved, first guy i was with. And he was about 10 years older too.

I know he loved me. But i think i was young with some things didn't know how to be in a relationship or when to let things go and realize its not a big deal. I think i was a bit too controlling and picked stupid fights. And now i regret it more than ever. He tried to end once or twice before and i think me telling him but we can compromise on this or do this and it changed his mind.


We got into a silly spat on the phone and he broke it off that night and i was very upset and crying a lot. He said he doesn't want to focus on anyone else right now and that he is tired...(probably from driving to see me on the weekends, stupid arguments etc) I told him i love him so much and it will be better. He didn't change his mind. I wrote him a text the next day apologizing for my actions, i love him with all my heart and that he will be going on a trip soon which will be good for you and after it will be a lot better (Keep in mind, this was also an issue we had because it was a 2 week bike trip and a few nights at one of those rallies that seem like a spring break for adults..i just felt very uneasy about it)

He didn't respond to the text. 2 days later i write to him saying the things i wish i would have did and what we should have done and i wrote i truly didn't feel like i wanted it over because of the trip, it just hurt me knowing you wanted to go away without me and i wish i would have realized sooner it may be something you needed and was really important to you. And that i wish i did this and this to make him a little happier and i am sorry for making you feel this way.

He wrote back saying i don't have anything to be sorry about and that he just isn't happy and can't even explain fully. And that he is sorry and just can't keep continue doing this. He wrote he wishes we can still talk even if we are not together. I wrote back saying i wish we can figure something out to make you happier together. It will be too hard to talk to you as a friend. I drove you away and i regret it.

He wrote he doesnt think i drove him away and i have a right to feel how i feel and want what i want and so does he but they are just not the same things right now and he wrote he needs to make himself happy before he can make me happy.


I feel like all this just equals: [COLOR="Blue"]I am tired of you.[/COLOR]

I called the next day saying i hate how this was done over the phone and through messages and i would like to speak to get closure. He texts me saying i got your v-mail before but i am just not up for talking right now. But we will. Im sorry. That was a a month ago. And i have completely left him alone since then. We also live about 35-40 minutes away from one another so there is no potential running into one another.

To me--its a little confusing. You can't speak to me to give me final closure and you are telling me we will? Why not just everything completely overwith if you want it over---have the conversation..i also have some things at his place..nothing major i cant live without but some clothes and odds and ends.

I know its pathetic but it makes me hope maybe he just needs time to think and just feel better about things.

All this was a month ago and it turns out my ex contacted my friend's boyfriend a few days ago.

[COLOR="Blue"]My ex met my girlfriend and her b/f a few times only...the boyfriend asked for my b/f's number. My friend's boyfriend called him a few times for us to get together etc etc while we were still together..My b/f never called him..he was usually like that with a lot of people--just letting them call him.[/COLOR]

My friend called me saying my ex called her b/f during the day. Her boyfriend missed the call because he was at work and called back when my friend and her boyfriend were together.

My boyfriend is going on a 2 week trip with a few people..its a bike trip which i was not so happy about...he spoke to my friend's boyfriend and started talking to him about the trip and that he is leaving this weekend but two guys backed out, its only going to be me and one other guy. The boyfriend never mentioned me and didn't bring me up once...My ex finally said so how is my friend? And the boyfriend said, well his g/f doesn't really tell him everything thats going on with this and then my friend said she's ok..So the boyfriend said she is alright on the phone. After a minute or two they hung up and my friend called me to let me know what happened

she thinks its a sign of him wanting to get back together..she said why would he call him? she thinks he called just to get some information about me because he is not used to not hearing from me...my friend said its also weird how he spoke about the trip and him leaving this weekend and mentioning 2 of them backed out..almost like he is saying it isnt going to be this big party that i was thinking...ALSO--i felt like he may have wanted me to know when he was leaving..we broke up before i knew the exact date and i remember saying to him one or two times, you need to give me the date.

i am more negative with my thinking...and i am thinking he used the expression so how is my friend? My g/f said its just an expression and he was talking to a guy--he isn't gonna be so sappy about it

i am also thinking maybe he was just concerned if i was ok or he felt guilty and hearing that im "alright" he can just go on now and not feel guilty or now truly know its over because im alright...and have an even better time on his trip

my friend said she doesnt think a guy would put himself out there like that---to call an ex girlfriend's friend's boyfriend...she said he has a lot of pride and an ego and he called him..and it must have took a lot to make that phone call and ask about me

she thinks giving him a neutral answer of she's alright was the best thing she could say..she didn't say i was great and she didn't say i was crying my eyes out..its a neutral answer that didn't really say much but it wasnt like she was saying she is fine without you.


i want to hope this may be a sign but i dont know what to think...i was not expecting him to do this at all.

Do you think it is probable after the trip, he may want to try to work things out? My friend's boyfriend even said he can try calling him and talking to him a little bit and maybe give a hint u guys should work things out...but i dont know if that is a good idea.

In a lot of Pain...please write back..

Thank You
[QUOTE=blue34;3674053]i was with someone for over 3 years and he was my first serious boyfriend, the first guy i loved, first guy i was with. And he was about 10 years older too.

I know he loved me. But i think i was young with some things didn't know how to be in a relationship or when to let things go and realize its not a big deal. I think i was a bit too controlling and picked stupid fights. And now i regret it more than ever. He tried to end once or twice before and i think me telling him but we can compromise on this or do this and it changed his mind.


We got into a silly spat on the phone and he broke it off that night and i was very upset and crying a lot. He said he doesn't want to focus on anyone else right now and that he is tired...(probably from driving to see me on the weekends, stupid arguments etc) I told him i love him so much and it will be better. He didn't change his mind. I wrote him a text the next day apologizing for my actions, i love him with all my heart and that he will be going on a trip soon which will be good for you and after it will be a lot better (Keep in mind, this was also an issue we had because it was a 2 week bike trip and a few nights at one of those rallies that seem like a spring break for adults..i just felt very uneasy about it)

He didn't respond to the text. 2 days later i write to him saying the things i wish i would have did and what we should have done and i wrote i truly didn't feel like i wanted it over because of the trip, it just hurt me knowing you wanted to go away without me and i wish i would have realized sooner it may be something you needed and was really important to you. And that i wish i did this and this to make him a little happier and i am sorry for making you feel this way.

He wrote back saying i don't have anything to be sorry about and that he just isn't happy and can't even explain fully. And that he is sorry and just can't keep continue doing this. He wrote he wishes we can still talk even if we are not together. I wrote back saying i wish we can figure something out to make you happier together. It will be too hard to talk to you as a friend. I drove you away and i regret it.

He wrote he doesnt think i drove him away and i have a right to feel how i feel and want what i want and so does he but they are just not the same things right now and he wrote he needs to make himself happy before he can make me happy.


I feel like all this just equals: [COLOR="Blue"]I am tired of you.[/COLOR]

I called the next day saying i hate how this was done over the phone and through messages and i would like to speak to get closure. He texts me saying i got your v-mail before but i am just not up for talking right now. But we will. Im sorry. That was a a month ago. And i have completely left him alone since then. We also live about 35-40 minutes away from one another so there is no potential running into one another.

To me--its a little confusing. You can't speak to me to give me final closure and you are telling me we will? Why not just everything completely overwith if you want it over---have the conversation..i also have some things at his place..nothing major i cant live without but some clothes and odds and ends.

I know its pathetic but it makes me hope maybe he just needs time to think and just feel better about things.

All this was a month ago and it turns out my ex contacted my friend's boyfriend a few days ago.

[COLOR="Blue"]My ex met my girlfriend and her b/f a few times only...the boyfriend asked for my b/f's number. My friend's boyfriend called him a few times for us to get together etc etc while we were still together..My b/f never called him..he was usually like that with a lot of people--just letting them call him.[/COLOR]

My friend called me saying my ex called her b/f during the day. Her boyfriend missed the call because he was at work and called back when my friend and her boyfriend were together.

My boyfriend is going on a 2 week trip with a few people..its a bike trip which i was not so happy about...he spoke to my friend's boyfriend and started talking to him about the trip and that he is leaving this weekend but two guys backed out, its only going to be me and one other guy. The boyfriend never mentioned me and didn't bring me up once...My ex finally said so how is my friend? And the boyfriend said, well his g/f doesn't really tell him everything thats going on with this and then my friend said she's ok..So the boyfriend said she is alright on the phone. After a minute or two they hung up and my friend called me to let me know what happened

she thinks its a sign of him wanting to get back together..she said why would he call him? she thinks he called just to get some information about me because he is not used to not hearing from me...my friend said its also weird how he spoke about the trip and him leaving this weekend and mentioning 2 of them backed out..almost like he is saying it isnt going to be this big party that i was thinking...ALSO--i felt like he may have wanted me to know when he was leaving..we broke up before i knew the exact date and i remember saying to him one or two times, you need to give me the date.

i am more negative with my thinking...and i am thinking he used the expression so how is my friend? My g/f said its just an expression and he was talking to a guy--he isn't gonna be so sappy about it

i am also thinking maybe he was just concerned if i was ok or he felt guilty and hearing that im "alright" he can just go on now and not feel guilty or now truly know its over because im alright...and have an even better time on his trip

my friend said she doesnt think a guy would put himself out there like that---to call an ex girlfriend's friend's boyfriend...she said he has a lot of pride and an ego and he called him..and it must have took a lot to make that phone call and ask about me

she thinks giving him a neutral answer of she's alright was the best thing she could say..she didn't say i was great and she didn't say i was crying my eyes out..its a neutral answer that didn't really say much but it wasnt like she was saying she is fine without you.


i want to hope this may be a sign but i dont know what to think...i was not expecting him to do this at all.

Do you think it is probable after the trip, he may want to try to work things out? My friend's boyfriend even said he can try calling him and talking to him a little bit and maybe give a hint u guys should work things out...but i dont know if that is a good idea.

In a lot of Pain...please write back..

Thank You[/QUOTE]
blue34,
I feel for you and understand how you must feel.

Rreading this post yes you did drive him away and like he said he's tired of it.
I know I need my space I just got tired of my g/f being so controling and jelous and yes that drove me away from her.
I'm not saying that this is your b/f problem but in all likely hood it is.

Both you guys feelings should take a big concideration on this.

I'm sure he loves you and you love him but in my opinion you need to give him his space, its nice to have friends but this is something that only you two can work out, you need to just back off and let him be , he knows your feelings toward him...and I'm sure he knows you love him with all your heart.

Just let him come to you let him call you, you sound really young and its better to have no doubts what so ever about your love and trust to each other.

Hind-sights 20/20 but sometimes when we have these little spats it either makes us see our true self and help us get better and sometimes it don't. DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.

Your friends will never know how you feel inside your heart but ''he'' will trust me and only time will let that happen...giving him more space backing off and just call him if he wants you to or until things settle down a little.
he knows how you feel so don't ''smother''him with your apologies.

you already told him you was sorry and say things maybe you shouldn't, but you realize that you do Love him and thats about all you can do, the rest is up to him..if you don't hear from him,,,then let that tell you something...and go on with your life find someone else its going to be hard but you can do it.
I wish you the best.
[QUOTE=Willapp;3696259] I just wanted to chip in as a guy and say that men generally are quite straightforward when it comes to how we act.[/QUOTE]

I completely disagree. Guys will play games and act like a total jerk in an effort to get the girl to break up with them first so they don't have to look like the bad guy. It happens all the time, even in "mature" relationships, because at the end of the day, guys are actually major cowards and can't own up to their own shortcomings in a relationship. It's really sad and it's too bad, but men are truly from mars and women are definitely from venus. This situation is a very clear proof of that, because Blue, your bf told you "we'll talk" before he left, but as you can see, he's been home for a while and still hasn't gotten up the courage to call you to actually talk. He's a total coward and has no guts. Spineless guy. Jellyfish.

That being said, Blue, this situation is so sad and it really sucks. You do need to get closure because otherwise you won't be able to move on. I actually think that you should call him and tell him flat out - Look, I know we're over and that's fine, just give me back my stuff so we can close this chapter, move on and go our separate ways. If you don't give me my stuff back, I'll send my biggest and most angry guy friend to your house to get it from you. Have a nice day!

In all seriousness, you need the closure. And you should get your stuff back. Once you get your stuff back, you can start working on moving on. Right now, the reason why it's so hard for you is because there's that unanswered question left hanging out there after him telling you that you'd talk when he got back. That was totally unfair for him to do that to you, and you should be getting mad about it and angry that he would leave you hanging. It's ok to be sad at first, but at some point you need to get angry about it. He handled this situation like a loser and made you suffer and that's not cool. He doesn't deserve you because I can tell you're a great girl. You were totally into him and in love with him, but he couldn't care less about you. That sucks and i'm sorry you had to go through this. But you have a right to closure, so try to get that for yourself so you can finally move on.





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